Save That Bear

I use the whole 'Raping my eyes' thing here a lot, and I thought that I meant it until now. But internet has finally conquered me.

I'm gonna go on a bit of a rant here, but The Pron is angry and needs to vent.

I hope that the current trend of shocking one note video sites ends shortly. Porn is supposed to be a parallel to society, and if you go by that logic then the ratio is this:

2girls1cup is to all TV being reality TV during the WGA strike:ShakeThatBear is to America finally airing executions on television

Shake That Bear goes pretty much like this:

A women shoots a bear out of a tree
Once the bear falls, the woman and another man proceed to have sex on the bear
Apparently during this video the man tells the woman repeatedly to "Shake that bear.."
They finish, the woman has some whiskey and the dogs drag the bear away.

Below are some screencaps of this ridiculousness:






Now, I would recommend watching this video about as much as I would recommend relying on Perez Hilton for real news. But the sad part is that many people DO rely on him for news, and just as many people are going to watch this video. I realize that by posting this I have only piqued your curiosity and that no matter what negative things I have to say about this video it will continue to exist.

That being said, I just want to convey this message to you:

I've watched 2 Girls 1 Cup about 20 times now without ever flinching. I've posted about necrophilia, I've seen (and won't post) rape videos that were probably real, and I've seen videos involving animals that weren't cruel but probably aren't legal in any way.. all this without more than an OMG! reaction.

But Shake That Bear was horrible the moment the bear was hit the first time. After the first shot he starts crying out in pain. From that point on, the video isn't shockingly amusing. It's not even shocking. Humans being horrible to animals should no longer be a shock to anyone, particularly anyone with access to the internet. Nope, this video is just sad. So terribly sad.

And it's only going to get worse, what with the mass popularity of 2girls1cup. There is always going to be a race to see who is more over the top, and now the stakes are higher than ever.

Porn is a reflection on society, and what I see in the mirror sucks.

Sorry I couldn't be funny about this.

Bugs!

I came across this interview with a guy who puts maggots on his penis for pleasure. I decided to post it because sometimes I want this blog to be horrifying AND informative!







Shannon: Do you remember when you first encountered maggots?

ML: Probably when I was sixteen, working with sheep... But I never tried anything like this until about a year ago. I’m now in my fifties. I don’t know why I tried it now — it’s just something I felt like trying over the last year or two. I never tried anything like this when I was a younger guy.

Shannon: What made you decide to apply them sexually?

ML: Hmmm... I really don’t know. I’m always aroused by different methods... I ball pump and while doing that I just let them wander. Some rim the head, and others find the eye and crawl inside. It feels darn great too. They can’t get too far in so it’s not as if they’ll find their way to your bladder.

I know it’s a weird thing to do, but to be honest maggots only eat dead flesh, and as the penis is living they do no harm. It’s like a woman ticking all around the head and penis in a hundred places at once. I usually leave them on for two or three hours.

Shannon: Where do you get the maggots?

ML: It’s pretty easy. I leave meat outside.

Shannon: Ok, I guess that was a dumb question... How active are the maggots when you’re playing with them?

ML: They’re very active. Probably on the second day they’re at their best size. They burrow well, and like to stay on the penis. When they’re older they tend to wander off but are still OK. I should add that I only use the “smooth maggot” that arrives on meat early — later on another type turns up. They have a more segmented body and can bite into normal flesh.

Shannon: Are they alive in your mind, or is it more like a toy?

ML: A bit of both — I like the idea of being host to a living insect.

Shannon: Do you think it’s important for people to expand their borders sexually and try new things?

ML: Oh, definitely. I’d like to find like-minded women, but I’m sure most women would be grossed out or freaked out... But actually a woman would be perfect for this as there’s plenty of discharge, and the maggots could burrow and move around the flaps and clit.

Shannon: Thank you for talking to us about this.




Women interested in talking to ML about his fetish or theirs can email him at lovemaggot@gmail.com. One of the points that I’m trying to make by printing these interviews, is that there’s nothing unhealthy or unsavory about fringe sexual play of all kinds, as long as its consensual (and no, I’m not concerned about the consent of maggots), and that people shouldn’t feel bad if they have urges that other people might find gross... they should indulge it, enjoy it, and when possible, share it.

The above sentiment is not written by me, but I like to think that I feel the same way about being open minded about sexual things.

Photoshop for fun and profit

Do you have photoshop, or any other photo editing program?

If so, what do you use it for?

If your answer was: "Why, I use to it badly splice the heads of celebrities on naked bodies that are clearly not their own," then I want to talk to you.

One reason is because some of you are fucking AMAZING AT IT and I want to know how much money something like this photo below will make you:




And the other reason is because I consider myself a half decent photoshopper, and I think I could do a better job than some of you are doing.

FOR EXAMPLE:












LOL

The Unecessary Sequel

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Pumped

Hey kids. I'm sick, but luckily what I'm going to post today doesn't really require a lot of commentary.

But I HAVE to ask:

WHY ARE PEOPLE INCLINED TO 'PUMP' THEIR GENITALS??





Ok, that's all I wanted to know.

THANKS

Reader's Choice

I occasionally receive topic suggestions from my readers, which are ALWAYS welcome. (Although, you guys can all lay off on the she-male suggestions. I would like a day to go by without she-male porn in my inbox...but really, who wouldn't?)

And while all topic suggestions are welcome, I'm not always going to post about what you think would make a good read.

Unless it's Gay Cum Farts.



I love that I have hit a point in my life where someone saw this video and thought of me. "Ah, look at that guy farting cum out of his ass...The Pron would LOVE this!" You guys are awesome, really.

Now this same person, also suggested I take a look at "The Art of The Cream Pie."

...well I do love art:



I tried searching for 'Cream Pie Art' on XTube, but that came up with nothing. So we'll have to settle for a video that boasts itself as THE BEST CREAMPIE VIDEO EVER!!!! ...with all those exclamation points.



OH GOD IS THAT WHAT THAT IS???

I hate it when I'm watching porn and I think something is one thing and it ends up being TOTALLY different. I thought a creampie (I keep accidentally typing 'creampit') was when a guy ejaculates into the slit of a girls privates... cause they call girl parts a Pie sometimes and that would be the Cream... do you follow my logic?

I've also learned a lot about what this particular reader is into: Regurgitating Semen. Mmmmm I'll never eat Cool Whip again.

The next thing our Sloppy Semen Seconds enthusiast (yeah, start commenting and you too will receive a sassy nickname based on your porno preferences!) suggested was BBWs/Chubby Chasers. I feel confident in the path that they have led me on, even though this isn't very specific.

Let's see what's been favorited most in the BBW section.

Ok, no, let's not. Cause it's a ten minute blowjob video and the girl is wearing sunglasses.





LAME!

Since you're helping me out so much today readers, can any of you tell me what STUPID EDITING PROGRAM WITH THE BLUE BACKGROUND AND WHITE FONT EVERYONE ON XTUBE IS USING???? I have such a pet peeve with that thing, mostly because it helps people make videos like this one:



Seriously, could anything be sexier than this video coupled with the "Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle" commentary?

The last thing Sloppy Semen Seconds With A Side Of Boob Flop suggested was for me to peek into the world of celebrity sex tapes. I was excited for this cause I heard Amy Fisher...yeah THAT Amy Fisher...just released a sex tape. But is it on XTube? Noooooo. Is it on PornoTube? Noooooo. You know what I get? This:



OMG THE SCARY PHOTOSHOPPED JENNIFER ANISTON WAS AMAZING!!!

Oh, and this tape that is supposed to be SHAINA TWAIN, but really it's just some girl fucking TO Shaina Twain.




Note to self: NEVER have sex to Shaina Twain, as it seemingly renders all participants COMATOSE!

So that's it. I'd like to thank Sloppy Semen Seconds With A Side Of Boob Flop And A Bad Selection Of Celebrity Sex Tape for their contribution to this fine entry. If there's something you'd like to see me write about, or something you want to rape my eyes with...COMMENT! :)