Happy Thanksgiving!

You knew this was going to happen:

Count Cockula

Vampires are so hot right now.

So hot that it makes you want to stick your dick into a rubber tube with fangs, right?

I thought so.

Vampires are so hot right now you just want to fuck a vampire cape while wearing a vampire cape, right?



Vampires are so hot right now that you made a four part stop motion animation series of your goth doll biting your dick, right?



Vampires are so hot right now that you actually went out a made the world's first (and pretty decent looking) Vampire Twink TrueBlood parody porno, right?



Vampires are so hot right now that you made a really shitty vampire movie of your own where you didn't even bother to spell "seduced" right and just wore fangs while some girl licked your boobies and then tried to be funny by feasting on cum rather than blood, right?



Ugh. WRONG

Reader's Choice

I occasionally receive topic suggestions from my readers, which are ALWAYS welcome. (Although, you guys can all lay off on the she-male suggestions. I would like a day to go by without she-male porn in my inbox...but really, who wouldn't?)

And while all topic suggestions are welcome, I'm not always going to post about what you think would make a good read.

Unless it's Gay Cum Farts.



I love that I have hit a point in my life where someone saw this video and thought of me. "Ah, look at that guy farting cum out of his ass...The Pron would LOVE this!" You guys are awesome, really.

Now this same person, also suggested I take a look at "The Art of The Cream Pie."

...well I do love art:



I tried searching for 'Cream Pie Art' on XTube, but that came up with nothing. So we'll have to settle for a video that boasts itself as THE BEST CREAMPIE VIDEO EVER!!!! ...with all those exclamation points.



OH GOD IS THAT WHAT THAT IS???

I hate it when I'm watching porn and I think something is one thing and it ends up being TOTALLY different. I thought a creampie (I keep accidentally typing 'creampit') was when a guy ejaculates into the slit of a girls privates... cause they call girl parts a Pie sometimes and that would be the Cream... do you follow my logic?

I've also learned a lot about what this particular reader is into: Regurgitating Semen. Mmmmm I'll never eat Cool Whip again.

The next thing our Sloppy Semen Seconds enthusiast (yeah, start commenting and you too will receive a sassy nickname based on your porno preferences!) suggested was BBWs/Chubby Chasers. I feel confident in the path that they have led me on, even though this isn't very specific.

Let's see what's been favorited most in the BBW section.

Ok, no, let's not. Cause it's a ten minute blowjob video and the girl is wearing sunglasses.





LAME!

Since you're helping me out so much today readers, can any of you tell me what STUPID EDITING PROGRAM WITH THE BLUE BACKGROUND AND WHITE FONT EVERYONE ON XTUBE IS USING???? I have such a pet peeve with that thing, mostly because it helps people make videos like this one:



Seriously, could anything be sexier than this video coupled with the "Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle" commentary?

The last thing Sloppy Semen Seconds With A Side Of Boob Flop suggested was for me to peek into the world of celebrity sex tapes. I was excited for this cause I heard Amy Fisher...yeah THAT Amy Fisher...just released a sex tape. But is it on XTube? Noooooo. Is it on PornoTube? Noooooo. You know what I get? This:



OMG THE SCARY PHOTOSHOPPED JENNIFER ANISTON WAS AMAZING!!!

Oh, and this tape that is supposed to be SHAINA TWAIN, but really it's just some girl fucking TO Shaina Twain.




Note to self: NEVER have sex to Shaina Twain, as it seemingly renders all participants COMATOSE!

So that's it. I'd like to thank Sloppy Semen Seconds With A Side Of Boob Flop And A Bad Selection Of Celebrity Sex Tape for their contribution to this fine entry. If there's something you'd like to see me write about, or something you want to rape my eyes with...COMMENT! :)