XXX-Files

I'm a little disturbed, readers. Amazingly enough in my quest for online porno, I don't run into scat that often. Today was the exception, as I ran into a doozy. Lucky for you, my intention is not to gross you out, so you will be spared. (but if you REALLY want in on it, find me on AIM at Zombianca...wow, did I just give out my AIM name to potential scat enthusiasts?? Oh well...)

Anyway, we all know that porno isn't always free online. And as much as I love being the one to filter through all this porn on your behalf, readers, my bank account just isn't ready for me to start subscribing to pay porn sites. Well, that and the fact that I WRITE THIS BLOG AT WORK. Maybe things will change when I get a home computer, but until then...free is how we roll.

But that doesn't mean that pay sites are completely useless. In fact, let me show you some sites that I would actually consider paying for, and some that are just plain creative as fuck...no porn pun intended:




SPERMO PLASMOIDS FROM OUTER SPACE

This site is supposed to be the place to find: "The Most Perverted Sex Acts Between Aliens And Porn Stars"... and to be honest, they probably do have that particular market cornered.

But...



That looks an awful lot like a dinosaur to me.



NINJA WHORES

Yes, she's about to use her nunchucks as a dildo. I mean really, what did you expect??

Ninja Whores really doesn't have anything to do with Ninjas. But in a sea of Asian girl porn, you gotta try and stand out somehow I guess.

Now, this next one, I don't think I would actually ever pay for, but I think it deserves a mention:



AUNT MILLIE'S JACK OFF MOVIES

It's just Mature handjob movies, but it earn points for having the following tagline:

"You know you're in control when you have a cock between your hands."

Damn right.



RUSTY SHERIFF'S BADGE

I just wanted to include this one because it taught me that a Rusty Sheriff's Badge is slang for a butthole! Amazing the things you can learn from porn.



INFLATION STATION

You don't even wanna know...

Why humans want to use suction to engorge their body parts until they are almost unrecognizable is beyond me.

One question I would like the answer to though:



Um, WTF are Breasticles?

Self Inflicted Rape?

When you log onto XTube and you're not signed in it asks you what kind of content you would like to view today. This is the image that comes up:



Clearly being bisexual is what would make you happiest.

On to the post...

I just really haven't been up for watching porno. I write this blog at work, and frankly I have been over-stressed and swamped and headachey and generally not in the mood. But for everyone's sake I am forcing myself to update.

Is forcing myself to watch porn considered rape? Am I raping myself? I could use some roofies right now, I bet my headache would go away....

And speaking of rape, what is going on here???



I couldn't get any audio going on this clip, so I assume there is none. There was no description or anything, which means I am forced to speculate:

HER VAGINA MUST BE RANCID.

Sometimes stating the obvious is best.

Or maybe he's gay. But I guess that doesn't really make any sense, considering not only is he IN this situation.. but they're filming it. Then again, nothing in pornography makes any sense to me anymore after the last post. Maybe I should just leave it alone before it makes the brain tumor I'm convinced I have explode.

Then again, why am I trying to make sense of the world of porno, when there is this:




Good ol' nonsensical Porno!

South Park

I had this whole...not so much funny as it was humorously informative post planned about interactive porno,(it's like choose your own adventure! But with Boobs!), but then I ran across...this:



And this:



And this:



And this:



And this:



And this:




And I decided nothing needed to be said about that. Well except that I'm pretty sure this is how South Park started out, and those guys are trillionaires.


I'm just sayin'.

I might actually purchase a porno.

I haven't seen it yet, so I can't review it, but... I AM CONSIDERING PURCHASING THIS PORNO.



Because I need to know HOW her ass became haunted and WHAT exactly that entails.