Porn 101

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Cartoon Network

It's been pretty weird around here lately, hasn't it?

Yeah, I think so too.

I think we should watch some cartoons.




Oh come on, you knew that was coming.

Admittedly, I have never seen an anime film in it's entirety (unless an entire season of Sailor Moon counts.) But from what I've gathered, aliens are always coming to earth..Japan specifically...and raping schoolgirls with their...well I dunno...tentacles?

The real beauty of anime porn clips on the internet is that unlike real live porn, which has no plot, anime porn just gets even more weird once it's out of context.

For example:



Huh?

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if my job were to draw cartoons having sex. Thankfully though, progress has saved me from that fate....

Because now there is COMPUTER GENERATED CARTOON SEX



This may make me sound like a weirdo, but this scares me more than the people having sex with the dead from last week.



FINALLY someone figured out how to make the Sims fuck. That's the only reason anyone ever bought that game to begin with, but then you'd play it and after about 4329782347234 MIND NUMBING HOURS you realized they only got pixellated. Bummer.



Does anyone have any idea what's going on here? I see like five different people in that pile.



God, these are frightening...

Dead Men Tell No Tales

Ok, I'm about to post about necrophilia and I can't get past this:



Yep, I'm clicking and I'm taking you with me.

My coworker Tyler, through a random series of events involving stick figures (don't ask) had the idea that I should post about necrophilia. At the risk of going too far, I agreed.

I figured that Necrophilia's presence on the web would be hard to come by and secretive, like child porn. You know, where you CAN find it if you try hard enough but I'm not trying that hard to watch someone fuck a dead body...and for the most part I'm right. But Necrophilia is fortunate to share it's audience with a far more acceptable (read: less disturbing) niche: Sleepy Sex.

Sleepy Sex is pretty self-explanatory: Sexual acts with a (presumably) unsuspecting sleeping person. It's like really non-aggressive rape. But Sleepy Sex for the most part keeps itself defined seperately from the nightvision videos you see of drunk college girls passed out with like 50 frat boys fucking them. Cause THAT'S rape.

Sleepy Sex videos always almost end with the sleeper waking up delighted to be in whatever situation they've found themselves in...which is more often than not something involving their feet:



Who sleeps in Stripper Heels? And crotchless pants? Did stripper heels really deserve to be capitalized? And why didn't crotchless pants get capitalized, as they are clearly more innovative and I'm 100% sure they're more comfortable??

Anyway, after Tyler's (possibly genius) suggestion, I set out to see how much Necrophilia I could find online. That sentence alone is going to send my mother to her grave for sure...no pun intended.

Well Readers, it took about two seconds to find "Rob's Necrophilia Fantasy."

And now we can begin this journey together, through Rob's Fantasy...which may very well end up being our collective nightmare, readers. I apologize in advance.

After clicking on the girl in the casket a demographic survey comes up. My first thought was, "This better not ask me how old I am and if I have any fatal diseases.." but really, the survey is very innocent. Rob just wants to know how you got here and why you're here, and the whole thing feels almost like a clinical research study:

Question #3 -
Why are you here?
(select the best response)
I arrived by accident and have no particular interest; just curious.

I am doing a research paper or background for an article or book or investigation.

I'm just curious. I wanted more information for general knowledge.

I'm just curious. I have feelings along the lines of sleepysex.

I'm just curious. I have feelings along the lines of necrophilia.

I'm just curious. Someone I know has feelings of sleepysex.

I'm just curious. Someone I know has feelings of necrophilia.

lol someone I know has feelings of sleepysex.

I opted to skip the survey, just because I was too anxious to see what lay beyond it in Rob's Fantasy. The next page is a welcome page, complete with a quote from Socrates, (who is dead...just an FYI for all you necrophiliacs out there. Ok ok, I promise, no more bad necro jokes!)

I think it would be best to let Rob take over momentarily:

In my wanderings around the Internet I have met many people who have had very serious concerns about their feelings of death and sexuality. Many think they are perverts... some think they are in need of mental help... and some have even gone so far as to consider suicide... all because of not simply understanding their own feelings.
Consider these recent contacts I've had...

*A young female teacher wrote telling me about her feelings about imagining herself dead and being ravished sexually.
*A middle-aged lawyer, married-with-kids, told me about his many years of guilt in having the sexual urge to make love to his wife while she was totally unconscious.
*A doctor revealed to me his guilt over having had real life sex with a dead female... and did that make him a necrophiliac?
*A female teen (I get many teens writing to me... and not necessarily for necro interests) wrote to me thinking she might have a mental illness because of her fantasies of the love of her life making love to her unconscious body.
* A cop from New York who wants to share his necro feelings with his wife but is afraid.
*A 19 year old coed from Virginia feeling guilt over having thoughts about wanting to make love to dead males.
* A 25 year old secretary from Los Angeles who's boyfriend recently died in an accident and writes that she is having feelings of wishing she could make love one last time to his body... and did those feelings make her "nuts"?
*A 33 year old corporate executive from Canada who was abused as a child, suffering from manic depression as a result, and has sexual feelings of being found dead and sexually used.
*A gay male government employee from Des Moines fighting his urges to want to have sex with dead men.

The list goes on... and if you fall into any of these categories or another one totally different, you are most assuredly NOT alone. The point to remember is that while you're feelings are unique to yourself, they are not unique to the world.

The way Rob writes could make me feel good about anything! Seriously!

From this point there is a table of contents. There are several articles outlining how to deal with your blossoming love for the dead and/or the sleeping. But in order to keep this entry from becoming less like a funny Porno Mine read and more like a thesis paper, I think we'll skip ahead to:

THIS REALLY FUCKING CREEPY IM EXCHANGE ABOUT A GUY FUCKING HIS DEAD WIFE

NOTE FROM THE PRON: THIS IS LONG SO I WENT AHEAD AND BOLDED THE...GOOD? BAD? HORRIFYING? PARTS FOR THE TL;DR CROWD. MY COMMENTARY WILL BE IN ITALICS NEXT TO THE BOLDED STUFF. THIS IS RIDIC!!!

tom_tormented (2:43:26 PM): Unfortunately, my wife died suddenly on May the 25th of this year. Her pictures when alive are in my profile...and in my profiles "photo" folder as well. Take a moment to look.
shadowmn (2:43:49 PM): Oh I am so so sorry... how did she die?
tom_tormented (2:45:06 PM): Sorry, my son came in the room and started talking to me...
tom_tormented (2:45:11 PM): I'm back.
tom_tormented (2:45:23 PM): Well, the cause has yet to be "officially" determined. THIS GUY'S USE OF QUOTATIONS IS GONNA MAKE YOU PULL YOUR HAIR OUT BY THE END OF THIS
tom_tormented (2:45:35 PM): However, the initial thought is that it was a blood clot to the brain. THAT'S QUITE A DIAGNOSIS FOR A FIRST-TIMER
tom_tormented (2:45:40 PM): It was almost instant.
shadowmn (2:45:45 PM): jeezz.. I am so sorry, friend.
tom_tormented (2:46:05 PM): She smiled at me...her pupils dilated...her head fell back and she took four breaths and was gone.
tom_tormented (2:46:10 PM): Did you see her pics yet?
shadowmn (2:46:15 PM): yes
Note: Being a sexually expressive couple, the pics he refers to here were of her in some sexually provocative positions as they enjoyed sharing these to the world. ROB TYPED THAT NOT ME. OBVIOUSLY, CAUSE I WOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE: OMFG THEN THEY SHOWED ME PICTURES OF THEM DOING IT EW!
tom_tormented (2:46:27 PM): It was fast...and from what I have been told...painless.
tom_tormented (2:46:35 PM): She was gone instantly.
tom_tormented (2:46:54 PM): We had been married for 14 years.
shadowmn (2:46:54 PM): Such a tragic loss
shadowmn (2:47:14 PM): Where are you from?
tom_tormented (2:47:20 PM): MS
tom_tormented (2:47:31 PM): Eastern, MS...
shadowmn (2:47:33 PM): ah ok.. Illinois, recently in AZ at the moment
tom_tormented (2:47:49 PM): Ok, cool.
shadowmn (2:47:51 PM): I am so sorry.. truly.
tom_tormented (2:48:04 PM): Yea, it's tough...I am a single dad with 3 kids now.
shadowmn (2:48:16 PM): Please tell me you made last love to her somehow. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I SAY TO SOMEONE WHO HAS LOST A LOVED ONE
tom_tormented (2:48:28 PM): Yes, at home.
shadowmn (2:48:48 PM): You didn't call the paramedics right away?
tom_tormented (2:49:07 PM): I did...but where we live is very far out...I knew that I have almost 20 minutes with her.
shadowmn (2:49:20 PM): May I ask what you did with her OH GOD...
tom_tormented (2:50:03 PM): Yes, we always sleep in the nude...so, she was already naked. We were going to bed and she was reading her latest Stephen King novel.
tom_tormented (2:50:21 PM): She would read every night before turning off the light on her side of the bed.
shadowmn (2:50:36 PM): ok
tom_tormented (2:50:37 PM): This night, she looked at me and said "huh, that's funny?"
tom_tormented (2:50:41 PM): And I said "What?"
tom_tormented (2:50:56 PM): She said, "my cheek just went numb."
shadowmn (2:51:04 PM): ohh
tom_tormented (2:51:04 PM): I looked at her and she smiled.
tom_tormented (2:51:23 PM): Then she said "maybe it's a tooth thing. I need to see a dentist."
tom_tormented (2:51:27 PM): She went back to reading.
tom_tormented (2:51:40 PM): Then she said, "Wow, my fingers are tingling."
tom_tormented (2:51:43 PM): It was her left hand.
shadowmn (2:52:00 PM): ah.. a stroke huh
tom_tormented (2:52:03 PM): Then, she started to sweat. I got up and went to get her some wet towels to put on her head.
tom_tormented (2:52:29 PM): By the time I came back she was on her back. Just staring up.
tom_tormented (2:52:39 PM): I asked her if she was "OK" and she smiled.
tom_tormented (2:52:55 PM): She said, "I'll be fine" and then immediately gritted her teeth.
tom_tormented (2:53:06 PM): Her pupils opened all the way and the brown of her eyes dissapeard.
tom_tormented (2:53:32 PM): Her eyes were solid black...her head went back (as if having an orgasm) and she took four breaths.
tom_tormented (2:53:39 PM): Then, she was dead.
shadowmn (2:53:50 PM): how tragic..
tom_tormented (2:54:02 PM): She was 41 years old
tom_tormented (2:54:06 PM): Perfect health.
shadowmn (2:54:12 PM): go figure
tom_tormented (2:54:31 PM): So, I called 911 and decided to wait.
tom_tormented (2:55:07 PM): Sorry...son walked in again...
shadowmn (2:55:10 PM): np
tom_tormented (2:56:04 PM): So, basically, she was there...naked on the bed...and I was crying like a baby. It started with me kissing her forehead...caressing her breasts and kissing her lips. Most of the time I was saying "my God Kate...why did this happen!"
shadowmn (2:56:21 PM): I can only imagine
tom_tormented (2:56:31 PM): It was very intimate. Hard to explain really....pure emotion.
tom_tormented (2:56:59 PM): At this time, somewhere deep in my brain...I realized that I would never have the opportunity to make love to her again. I DON'T LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING....
shadowmn (2:57:05 PM): yeah
tom_tormented (2:57:27 PM): Knowing how long the medics would take, and the fact that she was totally naked and they would never know "what" she was doing when she died...I decided to make love to her.
tom_tormented (2:58:01 PM): I spread her legs. Got some "astroglide" out of our "toy" drawer and lubricated myself.
shadowmn (2:58:10 PM): You experienced a rare intimacy few ever experience with a loved one who died
tom_tormented (2:58:34 PM): Then I slowly inserted into her (crying the whole time) and began to move.
shadowmn (2:58:38 PM): ok
shadowmn (2:58:44 PM): You said you had to lube yourself up before entering her.. was that cause you are large or more simply for feeling enhancement?
tom_tormented (3:58:55 PM): She was very dry and I am about 8 inches.
tom_tormented (2:59:04 PM): It was odd, because she was so still. She was a very responsive lover and her vaginal muscles were "milking" muscles...that sensation was missing.
tom_tormented (2:59:09 PM): She was actually very loose.
shadowmn (2:59:23 PM): yeah, I bet ...YEAH I BET. SHADOWMN KNOWS ALL ABOUT THE VAG GOING ALL LOOSEY-GOOSEY AFTER ITS OWNER DIES...
tom_tormented (2:59:28 PM): Also, while I was doing her she pissed a little.
shadowmn (2:59:47 PM): that's normal..
tom_tormented (2:59:57 PM): I kept kissing her...sucking her breasts and pumping. All I could think about was that this was the last time I would ever cum in her.
shadowmn (3:00:14 PM): smart guy IS HE BEING SARCASTIC?
tom_tormented (3:00:41 PM): So, about 10 minutes passed and I began to worry if the medics would use the siren or just pull up and knock.
tom_tormented (3:01:01 PM): I also noticed that there was some skin color change where I was touching her.
tom_tormented (3:01:42 PM): The back of her neck was starting to get darker (purple in color) and it was as if all her blood was rushing to her back.
shadowmn (3:01:50 PM): yes
tom_tormented (3:01:56 PM): I could even notice that she was getting cooler.
tom_tormented (3:02:07 PM): Not much...but some.
tom_tormented (3:02:15 PM): Enough to tell.
shadowmn (3:02:20 PM): yeah
tom_tormented (3:02:48 PM): So, I hurried up and had an intense orgasm inside her.
shadowmn (3:02:57 PM): good
tom_tormented (3:03:21 PM): I pulled out and she started to drip. So I got a T-shirt of hers and wiped her off on the outside.
shadowmn (3:03:33 PM): Think of taking any pics?
tom_tormented (3:03:49 PM): Yes.
shadowmn (3:04:00 PM): good man. you can always remember her that way
shadowmn (3:04:11 PM): your last time together
tom_tormented (3:04:15 PM): Yes.
tom_tormented (3:04:34 PM): Luckily, she loved the camera in life...I have over 3000 pics of her nude or during sex.
tom_tormented (3:04:39 PM): So, it seemed fitting. OK, FOR THE RECORD: NO MATTER HOW MUCH I LOVE THE CAMERA IN LIFE, I AM NOT GOING TO LOVE IT IN DEATH. ESPECIALLY IF I'M NAKED AND YOU JUST FUCKED MY DEAD BODY.
shadowmn (3:04:44 PM): yeah
shadowmn (3:05:24 PM): My real name is ____.. "Rob" is a pen name for the site
tom_tormented (3:05:33 PM): Ok, cool.
tom_tormented (3:05:35 PM): I am Tom.
shadowmn (3:05:51 PM): Nice to meet you, Tom.. yet sad at the reason.
tom_tormented (3:06:16 PM): Yes, I am still pretty broken up about it. It was my research on embalming that led me to your site.
shadowmn (3:06:32 PM): I imagine the assholes did an autopsy on her?
tom_tormented (3:06:39 PM): 3
shadowmn (3:06:42 PM): pricks
tom_tormented (3:06:52 PM): Yea, she was an organ donor too.
tom_tormented (3:07:03 PM): 6 people got parts of her.
shadowmn (3:07:13 PM): Well, that is good. But sad they slice her pristine body all up.
tom_tormented (3:07:25 PM): Yes, very true. Hard to think about at times.
shadowmn (3:07:49 PM): Maybe at least a little of you is resting inside her.
tom_tormented (3:08:23 PM): Yes, I am sure.
tom_tormented (3:09:17 PM): When I was done...I put her hands on her chest and took a few pictures.
shadowmn (3:09:26 PM): Thanks for sharing your story. Actually.. it's a main basis for my site. Necro laws sucks.. and family members should be allowed to do what they wish with their loved ones.
tom_tormented (3:09:50 PM): Would you like to see a picture of her from after?
shadowmn (3:10:22 PM): If you would like to share in the moment and let me see a couple pics I'd be honored.. but rest assured I don't post this stuff nor hand it around. I'd loose my credibility if I did that
tom_tormented (3:10:40 PM): Ok, well, I blurred her face for safety anyway.
shadowmn (3:10:45 PM): ok
tom_tormented (3:10:55 PM): I will also share one of her in her coffin...if you wish.
shadowmn (3:11:01 PM): yes.. thanks
tom_tormented (3:12:10 PM): I took her wedding ring off in these pics...so she can't be identified by it.
tom_tormented (3:12:57 PM): Did the 1st pic come through?
shadowmn (3:13:00 PM): yes
shadowmn (3:13:22 PM): she's very attractive
tom_tormented (3:13:38 PM): Thanks.
shadowmn (3:13:51 PM): I am so so sorry Tom
tom_tormented (3:13:59 PM): Thanks again.
tom_tormented (3:37:56 PM): Well, before the medics arrived...I shaved her pussy and kept all the hair.
shadowmn (3:38:03 PM): good man
shadowmn (4:16:18 PM): Interesting visual one can muster up with that image after you did her when she died.
tom_tormented (4:16:59 PM): I really rammed hard because she was so loose.
shadowmn (4:17:23 PM): I'm sure she would have orgasmed good
tom_tormented (4:17:40 PM): The problem was that she kept sliding up the bed...and her head would start to hit the headboard...then I would have to stop and grab her ankles and pull her back down...it was odd.
shadowmn (4:17:52 PM): yeah
shadowmn (4:18:05 PM): She was large breasted..
tom_tormented (4:18:28 PM): Yea, but I held on to them or was on her most of the time.
shadowmn (4:18:35 PM): good
tom_tormented (4:18:55 PM): When the paramedics arrived, she was still naked on the bed.
tom_tormented (4:19:02 PM): It was two young guys.
shadowmn (4:19:13 PM): was she still dripping at that time?
tom_tormented (4:19:26 PM): Not until they picked her up and moved her to the gurney.
tom_tormented (4:19:31 PM): Then she gushed a little.
shadowmn (4:19:38 PM): kinda obvious then
tom_tormented (4:19:41 PM): The guy on the foot end was a little shaken.
shadowmn (4:20:05 PM): why
tom_tormented (4:20:17 PM): Seeing the cum come out of her...he looked a bit shocked.
shadowmn (4:20:21 PM): ohh hehe
tom_tormented (4:20:42 PM): I told them that we were fucking when she died.
shadowmn (4:20:56 PM): I bet that got him going too
tom_tormented (4:21:07 PM): I guess. LOL.
tom_tormented (4:21:29 PM): I do wonder about that medic. THE PRON HAS BEEN RENDERED SPEECHLESS...TYPELESS..WHATEVER.
tom_tormented (4:22:10 PM): She was totally gone...no more that could be done. They put her in the ambulance and one of the medics rode in the back with her to the hospital. Why? What is the point if she was dead?
tom_tormented (4:22:24 PM): Made me wonder.
tom_tormented (4:42:47 PM): So, I know this is a touchy issue...but do many of the people you talk to have a "faith" of some kind...or does it take someone who isn't religious to enjoy the dead.
shadowmn (4:44:29 PM): Oh.. people are all over the chart when it comes to sex with the dead and morality. Even in my own situation.. fantasy.. I am never 'fucking' the dead.. but making love with them.. it's a spiritual thing for me in a way. Not religious though. But even those who 'lust' for the dead can be religious if they hold to the idea that the soul leaves the body with the last breath.. and after that it's just an empty vessl.
shadowmn (4:44:54 PM): Hell, the Bible says that much
tom_tormented (4:45:06 PM): Well, I can be honest there...my wife was GONE the moment she died.
shadowmn (4:45:35 PM): Then who/what did you make love to?
tom_tormented (4:46:01 PM): To her body. To what I had left. Her spirit...her soul...was gone.
shadowmn (4:46:17 PM): Did you 'fuck' her remains or make love?
tom_tormented (4:46:27 PM): Made love to them...that was all I had.
shadowmn (4:46:41 PM): Then you have nothing to regret.
tom_tormented (4:46:46 PM): But I knew Lyn was gone.
shadowmn (4:46:49 PM): Are you feeling guilt?
tom_tormented (4:46:51 PM): Nope.
shadowmn (4:46:55 PM): good
shadowmn (4:47:15 PM): If you had more time would you have made more love with her body?
tom_tormented (4:47:41 PM): I don't think so...I truly feel it would have cheapened the experience.
shadowmn (4:48:06 PM): I can see both sides.. but you did what you felt was right and that's all thats imoortant
tom_tormented (4:48:32 PM): For a brief moment I thought about eating her...but the libricant (and the fact she was leaking piss) really prevented that.
shadowmn (4:55:01 PM): I'm sorry for your loss, Tom.
tom_tormented (4:55:13 PM): Thank you.
tom_tormented (4:55:23 PM): It was nice talking to you.
shadowmn (4:55:31 PM): was nice talking to you too.
shadowmn (4:55:42 PM): what do you do for a living
tom_tormented (4:56:09 PM): I work for a large electronics chain.
tom_tormented (4:56:19 PM): My wife was a newspaper editor.
shadowmn (4:58:08 PM): Had sex with anyone since?
tom_tormented (4:58:21 PM): Nope. COUPLE THINGS: 1. SHADOWMN'S LINE OF QUESTIONING IS SO ODD.. "SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS, WHERE DO YOU WORK?" 2. I'M GLAD THAT HE WAS TOO GOOD TO GO DOWN ON HIS WIFE CAUSE SHE HAD PEED A LITTLE BUT NOT TOO GOOD TO FUCK HER WHILE SHE WAS DEAD...I'M JUST SAYIN..
shadowmn (4:58:26 PM): didn't think so.
tom_tormented (4:58:27 PM): No rebounds.
tom_tormented (4:58:45 PM): But, there is someone special who may...in the future...be there for me
tom_tormented (4:58:48 PM): Only time will tell.
shadowmn (4:58:52 PM): good
shadowmn (4:59:51 PM): I need to break away for a few Tom.. I'll be sitting online here but in the background for a while. I'd enjoy chatting later if you wish.
tom_tormented (5:00:15 PM): No problem...talk to you later. Bye.
shadowmn (5:00:19 PM): adios for now.

Ok, I'm sure you need a moment to recover from that too...so let's take a moment.












Alright, I'm feeling a little better, although I feel that my shower water will never quite be hot enough to make me ever feel clean after having read that.

But I do want to throw in my two cents here:

Rob says a lot on his website about how Necro laws should allow family members to do as they please with their loved one's bodies. As someone who took more than a class or two on the subject, (try two years of mortuary science schooling), I can say that in part I agree with that. I believe that if my husband wishes to be buried in the backyard, or cremated and have his ashes put in a flagpole, than he should be granted that wish. But non consensual sex is still rape, whether you were married and dead or strangers and alive. So unless it is indicated in that person's last will and testament, sex with the dead should be off limits.

Lest you think the Pron has gotten all moral on you, let me remind you, I think fetishes are healthy and awesome...and there are plenty of living people willing to play dead and have sex with you. Or you could get a real doll.

Or you could stick a dead octopus in your vagina:



There's a video of that happening, so I can verify that's what happened, but the site it's on is so virus-inducing and pop-up crazy that I'll spare you.

Sorry guys.

I feel bad

about that last Necrophilia post...

so here, this will make you feel better:



Better?

Ok, good.

We're still friends, right?

Robin Hood was a Hottie

DISCLAIMER: I want to take a moment out now to say that I don't intend on making fun of Furries as a whole. As with any fetish, there are bits and pieces of it that are hilarious and that's exactly what I am going to focus on here with furries.

In fact, I would like to also provide this link to a transcipt of the old MTV show Sex2k that introduced me to Furries. It's amazingly interesting and educational:

http://pressedfur.coolfreepages.com/press/sex2k/

I won't lie, there's a whole lot of that transcript that's hilarious too. Like the whole conversation the guy has with his mom.

Marilyn>> OKAY, SO TELL ME, WHAT IS YOUR VISION FOR YOUR FUTURE? HOW DOES IT INCORPORATE YOUR FURRINESS? HOW WILL YOU DO THAT? WHAT WILL IT LOOK LIKE?

Yote>> IT'S THE SAME--

Marilyn>> OKAY, LET'S PRETEND-- LET'S PRETEND THAT THIS IS THE SAME DAY OF THE WEEK TEN YEARS FROM NOW. WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE?

Yote>> VIRTUALLY THE SAME THINGS PROBABLY. I DON'T KNOW.

Marilyn>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "VIRTUALLY THE SAME THINGS"? YOU'RE GOING TO BE SITTING IN FRONT OF THE VIDEO--

Yote>> WORK, WORK, WORK.

Marilyn>> WHAT IS YOUR WORK GOING TO BE, MICHAEL? WHAT DO YOU SEE YOURSELF AS DOING, MICHAEL? WHAT DO YOU SEE YOURSELF AS DOING?

Yote>> I DON'T KNOW.

Marilyn>> DO YOU SEE YOURSELF SERVING UP HAMBURGERS AT McDONALD'S?

Yote>> I HAVE TO GO OUT AND DO THINGS AND FIND OUT WHAT I LIKE. I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING. ALL I'VE DONE IS SCHOOL ALL MY LIFE, MOM. HOW CAN I TELL YOU WHAT I LIKE RIGHT NOW?

Marilyn>> [sighs]

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Furries are fucking intriguing. And after all the research I have done, I can honestly say that them dressing in full animal costumes for sexual pleasure is totally the least interesting thing about them.

I can admire a fetish community that is just that, a community. It makes me wonder if the Scat community has created the same sort of world for themselves, albeit a much more private one. (I feel an all-scat entry coming on. But I'm afraid doing one might catapult me into early retirement from the porn blogging business.)

Really, the world of Furries is a complicated one. I run a real risk of boring you to death with all I have learned, (especially since they have such an extensive Fur-cabulary...I did not make that up...that they have their own WikiFur), so it might be best to just get to what I found to be the truly comical side of Furry Fandom.

FURRIES HAVE THEIR OWN EBAY.

It's called FurBuy. It's pretty sparse as far as content at first glance, and extremely difficult to navigate (particularly if you have no interest in creating an account. Although I ended up making one when I saw that someone was selling a Nintendo DS for $75. But then I was looking at the DVDs for sale and the only one on there was the Robin Hood animated Disney cartoon and I went into a panic because when I was younger I thought the fox from that cartoon was hot and I was afraid that maybe I was a Furrie. Then I remembered that I don't want to have sex with anyone in a mascot uniform. I think. Eeeeek!)

But FurBuy gets really interesting once you start browsing the artwork selection. For $15 and up, you too can own any one of these VERY DISTURBING PIECES:









THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A HIPPO??



That doesn't look anything like a Hippo?!?



Nice braids...

Now, I am a little bummed because a few days ago there was a print of "Velociraptor laying eggs during intercourse" for sale, but I guess the auction ended.

Luckily, the dog penis bookmarks are still available:



1 day, 3 hours left guys!






p.s. The Pron feels justified in thinking the fox from Robin Hood was hot. His swagger was right and his game was tight!

"...gays are certainly overcoming...no pun intended"

I've said it before, and I'll say it again:

Gays are overacheivers.

It's true. Even their porn is of a better quality and a vastly larger quantity.

ESPECIALLY THE FUNNY ONES:



The boys in da hood are playing hoops, and the cracks Jerome is watching. They invite the white slut to join, if he can shoot 2 hoops he can play, if he misses he has to give up his mouth and ass to all the ganstas! Guess what, he misses! Watch as the gangstas have their way and gang-bang this cracka ho in every which way thay can. Would you like to join?




I know this is a gay porno, but seriously this cover is SO GAY ZOMG.

The Can-Am mailbox has been filled with one resounding question: When will Billy Herrington go up against Mark Wolff? Well your prayers have been answered! The result is one of our most visually stunning productions yet. First wiry young newcomer Nick Steel eggs Billy on. Nick's skill and agility on the mat enables him to surprise Billy with more than one ball-breaking move. But he's no match for Billy's brute strength and his tight little ass gets victory-fucked into tomorrow! Next up, leather master Van Darkholme shows off his awesome body in full gear - even in the gym. When Wolff mocks his appearance he challenges him to a fight. Darkholme clearly has the skills to go on to wrestling stardom. But experience counts and Wolff takes him, leaving Darkholme to blow a hot load in the shower. Now there can be only one true Lord of the Lockerroom, so Billy and Mark square-off and give it all they have in an ass slapping, ball grabbing, nipple pinching spectacular. Billy takes round one, forcing Mark to jerk off. Then he challenges Mark to a loser-gets-fucked second round - and, amazingly, Mark accepts! With their virgin asses on the line, can you imagine the action? Find out if either of them actually give it up!

That sounds amazing and I'm a straight girl. This might be the most hilarious porno ever made, someone buy it for me.



Gaywatch. It was bound to happen...

On this bare bun basking Southern California beach, hot and horny surfer dudes always know where to find the biggest swells..
It's not uncommon to see a lusty, lean muscled surfboarder totally entranced, feasting his eyes on the huge bulge that protrudes from the lifeguard's swimsuit. It's "Gaywatch Day" so if you've already had one lifeguard, there's still plenty more to go around!!!

When the hell is 'Gaywatch Day?' I need to mark my calendar, for reals.

...so i can go to the beach...

...with a camera...

...and a strap on...

...yeah.





Check out the drama in this one!

Joey Hart is in the emergency room for the third time. It seems he has "episodic constriction"of his prostate, which creates severe anal tension. Intern Dean Spencer gives the problem everything he's got. His powerful muscles work various dildos, digits and a very large dick before he is able to relieve his patient's distress. And follow-up treatment will certainly be a serious consideration.
Inpatient Jeff White awakens weak and bandaged having narrowly escaped death in a terrible car accident. Internist Gregg Arlen employs his best bedside manner to reassure the frightened young man. Jeff bemoans all the things that he has missed in his life to date including sex. Arlen takes pity on the young virgin as he attempts to relieve his stress and tension with a warm sponge bath, loving cocksucking, rousing sixty-nining and a ride on White's straight up stiff poker, all without Jeff ever having to move. Gregg is total dedication and Jeff looks forward to a long and happy hospital stay.

A couple of interns, Mark Slade and Kristian Brooks, completely exhausted after another punishing 48 hour shift, are in bad need of relaxation and rest. Kristian quickly drifts off to sleep as Mark gives him a massage. But Mark isn't quite finished. He needs relaxation before his rest. So the big hunk goes exploring his buddy's lean, tight physique with some sucking, some rimming and some heated fucking with his big giant of a dick pounding into the depths of Kristian's juicy asshole. Mark shoots a big, powerful load and Kristian gushers in his sleep.

Back in Schwartz' office Pettybone's threats of an investigation are overruled by a Code Pink emergency in the R. Hudson Conference Room. Clay Maverick and Gregg Arlen dash off to the their conference with Tommy Cruise and Ricky Starr where the four explore some medical practices undreamed of in the books. Almost every combination is tried, explored and enjoyed. These experts certainly practice what they practice. Meanwhile Pettybone has poked his head into the R. Hudson Room to observe. When the practitioners come to their awesome climactic explosions, Pettybone passes out and hits the floor. He awakens to find a bemused Dr. Schwanz standing over his hospital gurney. Pettybone has canceled the proposed Advisory Board hearing and decided to check into West Hollywood Hope for a thorough examination. After all, he isn't getting any younger... Everyone deserves the best health care possible. May we suggest West Hollywood Hope. It's good for what ails you. And Mark Slade is just the medicine we all need. After all, West Hollywood Hope is the place where the patient always comes first!

Fuck Grey's Anatomy...someone make a primetime drama outta West Hollywood Hope! Logo, I'm looking at you. It'll be way better than all that weird gay vampire shit you used to have.



Mmmhmm..these guys are about as intimidating as "Hangin' Tough" by New Kids On The Block was. "Are you tough enough?!"



AAAAGGGH SOMEONE BUY THIS FOR ME!!!!!!!

Once I saw a porno called 'Boy Band' and within the first ten minutes it ruined peanut butter for me for LIFE. I don't think this is the same one.



I'm gonna avoid the obvious sequel..."Ugly Cock"

p.s. No boy likes it when you call his peen CUTE.




Exotic and exciting visuals and a believable cast give this youth subculture-inspired video a unique and authentic look, and support St. John's reputation as one of XXX's most artistic directors. Sound, lighting, camerawork are all of a very high order which the sex mostly lives up to.

Who cares about art? All I want from this porno are endless glowstick puns.

ENDLESS!




Ricky Martinez, your penis frightens me.



Remember when sex was really good? Remember when you were really young, when you had just left home had moved to the city on your own, when you were suddenly free, when you were adventurous, when you were always horny and when sex came free and easy? Remember when sex wasn't a game, wasn't political, wasn't frightening, wasn't structured, wasn't role defined, wasn't a job, wasn't a movement, wasn't under a microscope, when it was spontaneous, was mutual, was actually fun? Remember when people had sex and smiled and laughed and even enjoyed it? If you remember all of this, then It's Raining Men is definitely for you. It's a wonderful and varied collection of hot little stud puppies and more fun and excitement than a trip to a pet store.

well, NO, I don't remember any of that...but I'M IN!

WELL HELLO THERE, IS THAT VAGINA I SMELL OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME??

When I started this blog, I really thought of myself as sort of an amateur sex expert. But as of today, I realize I have NO IDEA what's going on in the world of sex.

With that said...

WELL HELLO THERE, IS THAT VAGINA I SMELL OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME??

Oh, that's not VAGINA? It's VULVA:



Yep, you can now purchase "The precious vagina fragrance put into a small vial." (The website URL for vagina perfume is priceless btw: www.smellmeand.com)

But if you don't feel like buying it, you can always get it the old fashioned way. And luckily, there's a product made for the nights when you just HAVE to smell some vag but forgot to pay the electric bill:



Thank GOD, right? I mean, who else here hates fumbling around with genitals in the dark? One thing I think we can all agree on (and that we all probably learned from porn) is that nothing makes your no no spots look better than a bright light focused directly on them. Mmmm... it's like the butcher display case, and that TURNS ME ON.

Another thing you probably hate is when an anal sex encounter presents itself and you're not ready. But fear not, because there is even an invention for you:



It claims to hold "just the right amount of liquid." I may be wrong, but I feel like if you're already getting an enema, it just all feels wrong.

Another thing that feels wrong are SHARK TEETH ON ANY PENIS COMING ANYWHERE NEAR ME!



I'm sorry but the only stimulation those are giving me are the creeps.

Also:

If you're a dude, gay or straight, and you are so lazy that you need this to jerk yourself off, you should just cut it off:



My advice? Sit on your usual jerk off hand until it's numb, then touch your peen. I've heard that makes it feel like someone else is touching it. That, and it doesn't cost $40 to do that.

My friends and I have been recoiling in horror from the discovery of the Pussy Foot for the past few days:



But after looking at it for awhile, I have decided it's kind of ingenius. So I invented one for the ladies:



It's just a prototype but...well..C'MON LADIES..HOP ON!!!!!


...no? FINE. SEE IF I EVER INVENT ANOTHER SEX TOY AGAIN EVER!

But if the whole, vagina on the bottom of a severed foot thing weirds you out, may I suggest this weird clear foot with an opening at the bottom and purple beads inside?



It looks like you're fucking an ice sculpture.

People need to make more videos of them having sex with weird sex toys, cause seriously, the pickings are slim. Actually, the pickings are this:




I guess it's supposed to be a promo video for the Fleshlight, but all I see is a girl moaning while she touches it.


It's THAT GOOD.