BBQ, Piss, and Pepsi

I'm shaking my head in disgust, readers.

This weekend I was really worried about this blog. I was worried that I was eventually going to run out of things to post about. It's been a consistent fear since this blog was born.

What I keep forgetting though, is that Porno is always going to be one step ahead of me...even if it means cooking live women over an open fire for sexual pleasure:



(Screencap. Click Link for video.)

I'm sure this is fake. I am also sure that this is too. But the question you should be asking yourself isn't whether or not this is fake, but WHYWHYWHYWHY WAS THIS MADE. WHY WERE TWO OF THESE MADE??

While we're asking questions, you might want to start asking around to find out where you too can pick up the newest issue of:



Or maybe not, after watching this video:



Here's a question: At what point during that video did you die inside?

Was it when she was rubbing her boobs in that ill-fitting halter and they got all artsy and it changed colors?
Was it when the camera panned down for the big reveal of her ugly drawstring shorts?
Was it when she peed herself?
Was it when she began touching her vag with those TALONS?
Was it when she inserted those TALONS into her vag and you closed your eyes but all you could see behind your eyelids was:
Was it when her husband came in and peed on her at the end?
Was it when she showed her pimply ass?
Was it when you realized that THROUGH IT ALL....she kept those damn shorts on?

For me, it was all of the above.

Last question:



Why?

THE UPDATE OF EPIC FAIL

This update fails in so many ways.

No preambles, let's just get right to it:

DIGIMON CHILD PORNOGRAPHY!

hooray?



Now, uh... a horse ejaculating through a building?


click for full size

Some horrible stuff I saw on FurBid, the Furry Ebay

Male Tiger rapes Female Panther.... I wouldn't exactly call this RAPE:



Uh huh.

The artist says:

Low but dramatic color. Unique perspective and depth of field technique applied in the concept of the sketch. Treat yourself to something uncommon.

...


AND FINALLY, a few randoms I have nothing to say about:






When you have a sub and this Toilet Brush attachment, you can make sure that your bathroom remains tidy and clean. This attachment is designed for the Humiliator Gag designed by Scott Paul. When attached to the end of it, your sub becomes an instant human toilet scrub. The white bristled brush is the same style of brush you'd find anywhere for toilet cleaning, only this time it's attached to a 5" rod so that your sub will be sure of what they're being told to do.


As an attachment to Scott Paul's Humiliator Gag, this device will turn your slave into a moving serving tray. You can place your favorite cocktail, appetizer or whatever you wish on the tray and have your sub deliver it personally. Imagine having them go back and forth with different items at your every beck and call. The tray is attached via a durable, light metal rod. The tray is 4" wide and has a removable rubber pad for easy cleaning. The attachment rod is 2" long.

Can internet get any weirder?

So someone had an erotic reaction to 9/11, and they made a video about it.

And a song.

Jerking off to the WTC

:/

Lars and The Real Dismembered Pieces of People

Real Dolls.

We've talked about them once or twice in the past. But did you know they have an 'accessories' line? And I'm not talking about dress-up clothes and a Barbie Mansion.


Booby Balls

These are supposed to be stress relievers, but the idea of seeing any one of my coworkers sitting at their desk squeezing the shit out of one of those is breaking me out in hives.


Male Flat Back Torso


Real Doll Lingerie Bust


This one didn't have a name so I'll call it: Real Doll Creepy Pelvic Region


I'm begging someone to explain to me the appeal of having sex with just pieces of a person. I'm not judging here, I just don't get it. I can't imagine just sitting there with my Lingerie Bust staring at me with those creepy eyes and lack of lower body and arms and being turned on. I understand that there isn't always someone else there to have sex with when you want, and that this is safer than Craiglist Casual Encounters. I get that. I also understand that Real Dolls are expensive, which is why you might only want to purchase the important parts.

But isn't the majority of the appeal of the nude human form in the context of the entire package? Look at those boobies on this blog's header... those actually belong to a very attractive lady I found while perusing the interwebz for subject matter. Look at them now out of context...they're a little gross now, aren't they? Not so appealing.

Although, on second thought, perhaps it is LESS weird to desire human parts than to end up busting out a bright purple dildo or a Hello Kitty vibrator.

Maybe this:



isn't so strange after all.


What IS weird though, is making a your own doll out of cloth and taking a million photos of it and putting on the internet:






The vagina is made of Bubble Wrap for "extra sensation," says it's creator.



This guy is like 5 years away from keeping fat girls in a pit in his basement so he can wear their skin. I'm just sayin'

Porno Family Tree

The Pron: I've got 3 words for you
The Pron: Care
The Pron: Bear
The Pron: Porn
Friend: OH
Friend: MY
Friend: GOD
Friend: That is my 3 word response

The Pron: I've got 3 words for you
The Pron: Care
The Pron: Bear
The Pron: Porn
Other Friend: :(
Other Friend: :(
Other Friend: :(
Other Friend: That is my 3 emoticon response

Yes, that's how excited everyone was for the Care Bear Porn I found. Described as, "the single hottest sex tape ever, the most controversial video you'll ever see. Taken while on marathon coke binge watch Cheer Bear fuck this chick up the ass until she cums hard, then this little blonde teen slut cleans off his cock with her mouth. This was just too nasty for the 80's!", I imagined I was about to view Porno Bloggo greatness.

But no, all I got was a girl humping a doll:



hmph.

After being severely disappointed by the Care Bear Sex Tape, I considered going on a hunt for actual Care Bear porn. But sometimes, the weirdest pornos come to you. In the form of 'related videos.'

For example:



I don't know how this and Care Bears are related, meaning that internet porno sites are using technology far too advanced for me. But I do know that the description for this video made me laugh:

"She goes from dorm to dorm at night, helping horny men get off with blowjobs and jobs alike. And if your cute, she may just fuck you. But ugly or handsome she'll get you off all the same. Who is this noble woman? Why, she's simply called, the Unknown Whore... I think."

She's providing a much-needed service here people. She's an American Hero, this Unknown Whore.

Let's see who's related to the Unknown Whore:



"Olde Timey Tentacle Sex! Porn From a Bygone Era! Filmed On Cellulaphone! Pulled From Al Capones Vault! Music By Bing Crosby And Robert Whiteman! Directed By Gilbert and Sullivan!"

If the Unknown Whore is Care Bears' ugly older sister, then this is definitely Care Bears' senile Grandma.

...

and people say I have too much time on my hands. I'M NOT MAKING OLD TIMEY PORNO OKAY THANKS!

And if Old Timey Tentacle porno was Care Bears' senile Granmother, then THIS GUY is Care Bears' creepy Uncle:





AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

You guys know the YOU GONNA GET RAPED guy? Creepy Uncle is TOTALLY SCARIER:




omg.

And what could possibly be related to Creepy Uncle?

Midgets and Piss of course.


Of course....



Yes, now you too can live in the world that I live in, where NATURALLY you would expect midgets and piss to follow a creepy bearded guy with clothespins on his nipples. It's a great place to visit, but I wouldn't recommend living here.

Why?

Because you're gonna end up living down the street from Midgets and Piss' cousin...the guy who fucks spongy cushions?!? (Is everyone enjoying the neighborhood of weird porno I've created in my mind. I picture like Edward Scissorhand's neighborhood, fyi)



This is video 12 in a series of 14!!! FOURTEEN VIDEOS this man has made of him fucking... a pillow? A giant sponge? Also, because I'm sure you didn't make it to the end, he has it rigged so there is permanently a condom on his penis when he enters the ... pillow-thing.

AGAIN I WOULD LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT I MAY HAVE A LOT OF TIME ON MY HANDS BUT AT LEAST I'M NOT MAKING CONDOM-RIGGED PILLOW VAGINA THINGS!

But if you haven't lost your will to live...anywhere... yet, I present you with:


ET PORN



NIGHTMARES. FOREVER. MY SLEEP WITH FOREVER BE HAUNTED WITH THESE IMAGES.

I'm gonna go get used to seeing creepy-ass ET sucking dick everytime I close my eyes.

:(