Life is like a hurricane...

Hey there kids.

I'll be honest, I almost pulled the plug on the ol' porno bloggo.

The whole facebook incident  really got to me.  I was tired of seeing really horrible things when researching material for this blog.  The internet is a really disturbing place, in case you have been stuck in The Lone Wolf Tavern since 1999 and hadn't already noticed.

Also I got about 100,000 viruses and burnt out the harddrive on my laptop that I had for less than 6 months.

Anyhoo..

I managed to get a new computer, some really intense anti-everything software, and a renewed tolerance for the internet...

SO LET'S TALK ABOUT DUCK PENIS

just play that on loop while you read this.

There is this really amazing article on duck genitalia you guys should read.  However, I know full well you guys are spatial learners so I will keep it short and sweet, then show you a video or two. 

...In brief, Brennan wanted to understand why some ducks have such extravagant penises. Why are they cork-screw shaped? Why do they get so ridiculously long–some cases as long as the duck’s entire body? As Brennan dissected duck penises, she began to wonder what the female sexual anatomy looked like. If you have a car like this, she said, what kind of garage do you park it in?....

.... But while male duck penises twist clockwise, the female oviduct twists counterclockwise....

In mammals, the penis becomes erect as blood flows into the spongy tissue. Ducks pump lymph fluid instead. And as the fluid enters the penis, it does not simply become engorged. It flips rightside-out.

Eversion in air: from blogs.discovermagazine.com/loom from Carl Zimmer on Vimeo.

That is a duck penis becoming erect slowed down 10x.  Let me repeat..

THAT IS A DUCK PENIS BECOMING ERECT SLOWED DOWN 10X OMFG MY CERVIX HURTS

...Of course, drakes don’t mate with the air. Having made this video, Brennan still needed a way to see how a duck penis actually performs its appointed task. Unable to film duck penises in a real female oviduct, she built a fake oviduct out of silcone. She then managed to get a drake to mate with it. But the overwhelming force of the explosive penis broke the fake oviduct.
So Brennan turned to glass. Her new fake oviducts were strong enough to handle the drakes, and she started filming. Here’s what she saw....

Eversions in barriers / from blogs.discovermagazine.com/loom from Carl Zimmer on Vimeo.
 

In case you didn't see, in that last fake duck vag, the male ducks penis BURSTS THROUGH.

IT BURSTS THROUGH THE VAGINA

Science is fascinating and it made my lady parts ache.

Now, it's a stretch (or is it) if I let this post end by saying that this counts as porn because someone out there must jerk off to ducks.  That is probably (100%) true, but just to err on the side of caution, here is some duck porn:

He puts on a condom to avoid avian flu, obviously.

Soft Vore/Hard Vore

I don't even know how to start this post, so let's just get right into it.

It's going to be a doozy.

VORE

To quote WikiFur: Vorarephilia (or vore^[1][2]) is a fetish and paraphilia where arousal occurs from the idea of being eaten, eating another, or watching this process.^[3] The fantasy may include digestion, painless or otherwise. The word is derived from the Latin vorare (to 'swallow' or 'devour') and the Ancient Greek φιλία (philia, 'love'). 

Although most of the information I am going to present you on this subject is by or about Furries, let it be known that this is not a subculture limited to Furdom. Furries just have a tendency to be more accepting as a culture in general, so Vore thrives in their world.

Now, there is going to be a lot of text in this post, because this subject deserves to be explained well.  Oh don't worry, your brain will still melt.  I just want it to be better informed while melting.

Two Courses To Every Meal:

In the world of Vore, you are either Predator or Prey.  Like BDSM, you can eat or be eaten (pun very much intended.)

For either party, digestion may or may not be a part of the fantasy and it may or may not be painful. From what I gathered in my brief research, most Vore imagery seems to be without digestion.  It's more like being a baby in the womb.

Sort Vore:

Soft vore describes scenarios where prey is consumed alive and whole, often without being harmed before reaching the stomach. Because of its usually non-violent nature, soft vore is commonly regarded as more sensual and sexually oriented. Willing or unwilling prey in soft vore prey are either digested, asphyxiated, or simply held inside the stomach. Some vorarephiles who derive pleasure from watching animals eat other animals enjoy watching snakes eating, this is because they usually swallow their prey whole, a major element in soft vore

Sexy Animations - Best Animation - Snakes Gone Wild! - Click here for more home videos

Hard Vore:

Hard vore describes scenarios where prey is subjected to injuries of being ripped and chewed. This type of vore involves cutting, biting, tearing and usually also involves blood. Although inherently there is no sexual characteristic to these portrayals, to someone with a vore fetish, they could be taken in a sexual context. Hard vore has sometimes been referred to as "gore" to separate it from soft vore.^[6]

 

Gts Vore - Watch a funny movie here

But Vore isn't all srs bizness.

No.

Because there is...

COCK VORE!!!

VAGINAL VORE!!!
ANAL VORE!!!

Being a fantasy, any orifice may be thought of as capable of vore, but it's really just adding a body part to the word vore. This incorrect use of the word vore is now common place. Examples of this well known twisting of the word vore are the "genital vore" scenarios, which includes unbirth. Unbirthing involves being consumed by the vagina and taking refuge in the woman's womb,^[8] which is simply a "reverse birth" and, in a pure sense, can only be done by a female. It is sometimes referred to as "Female Genital Vore" or "vaginal vore." Others think of it as a mutual, erotic and consensual activity with no injury to the sexual partners involved — in that case it is not considered a form of vore.^[8]

 

That is supposed to be an Orca Whale btw.  On land.  With breasts. And legs.

I dunno.

"Male Genital Vore," commonly called cock vore, refers to being consumed by the penis.^[9] This involves the urethral opening at the top of the penis, after which they are pulled down the urethra to the predator's scrotum, in which prey is absorbed, digested, or turned into semen (sometimes known as "cum vore") and ejaculated. A lesser known variant involves the prey to be taken to the prostate for conversion to semen, or to the bladder for storage or digestion.^[10]

 

Not well known, Anal vore describes being consumed by the anus.^[11] In common scenarios, prey consumed through anal vore is often drawn up through the digestive tract to the stomach where they are digested in a normal fashion. Such is not always the case, as the prey may simply remain in the rectum of the predator for a varying length of time.

Of course, Anal Vore comes with video:

The guy below refers to his anus as "Char-rump" because everything bad always leads back to Pokemon:

I like how he narrates you through it all.  So soothing.

Most vorarephiles are aware of the inherent silliness of their fetish, and are largely uninterested in the idea of cannibalism.

But not above putting plastic dinosaurs in their buttholes.

TOMORROW ON THIS LIL PORNOMINE:

Action Pants.

Cummunion

Whether you believe in life on other planets or not, people seem to agree on one thing:

When Aliens finally arrive on Earth, they are going to fuck our brains out.

There is apparently nothing more to be gained from the human race than vagina. Well, that's how most humans feel too, so there may be some truth to that.

The cool thing about Aliens is that no matter what their genitals are like, they are completely adaptable to the human vagina.  And vice versa!

"He placed his cock deep inside her, resting against her cervix and then, he pushed hard.  His dick went completely out of view, well inside her womb and eliciting a loud groan from the female as she felt the big phallus burying deep within her belly"

Another interesting thing about Alien and human anatomy is that when n Alien ejaculates, it is so powerful that it easily shoots out of the human mouth, yet causes them no harm.  And it tastes good too!

 

"Carol was so overthrown (?) by the delicious taste that she didn't notice a silent creature, a flagora, moving behind her"

Boys, don't fret, not all Aliens are straight:

The best way to prepare yourself for your inevitable Alien rape, is to get yourself used to the idea of inter-planetary fucking, like so:

Ladies, don't worry, we have you covered too, as demonstrated by this gentleman:

Okay yeah, I'm not 100% that's an alien on that dildo but... OH MY GOD DID HE JUST PEE???

(btw I read the comments on that last video and this one made me lol: "I'VE SEEN ALL OF YOUR VIDEO!!! why u dont cum? why you just pee? have you experienced cumming or what?" Why cum when you can just pee?  Although I worry about him pissing so close to the camera.)

I think with education, a bit of luck, and a lot of vaginal stretching, you too can find yourself in a loving relationship with an alien who will probably perforate your uterus until you bleed to death and die.

Awwww.....

TOMORROW ON THIS LIL PORNO MINE:

Monster Vore - The funniest bloopers are right here

SEXY.

Ta Tas For Now!

BOOBS

Boobs can do a lot of things.

They are great for breastfeeding:

 

They can double as a lie detector:

They can open bottles:

They are planets:

aides boy
by mikropikol

They can improve your Halloween costume:

They can grow on the bottom of your foot:

They can be purchased in bulk:

They can be used for stress relief:

 

They can be used as handles while fucking their vagina with a penis on top of it... or something:

Who doesn't love boobs?

TOMORROW ON THIS LIL PORNO MINE:

My apologies...

Cartoon Network

It's been pretty weird around here lately, hasn't it?

Yeah, I think so too.

I think we should watch some cartoons.




Oh come on, you knew that was coming.

Admittedly, I have never seen an anime film in it's entirety (unless an entire season of Sailor Moon counts.) But from what I've gathered, aliens are always coming to earth..Japan specifically...and raping schoolgirls with their...well I dunno...tentacles?

The real beauty of anime porn clips on the internet is that unlike real live porn, which has no plot, anime porn just gets even more weird once it's out of context.

For example:



Huh?

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if my job were to draw cartoons having sex. Thankfully though, progress has saved me from that fate....

Because now there is COMPUTER GENERATED CARTOON SEX



This may make me sound like a weirdo, but this scares me more than the people having sex with the dead from last week.



FINALLY someone figured out how to make the Sims fuck. That's the only reason anyone ever bought that game to begin with, but then you'd play it and after about 4329782347234 MIND NUMBING HOURS you realized they only got pixellated. Bummer.



Does anyone have any idea what's going on here? I see like five different people in that pile.



God, these are frightening...

Robin Hood was a Hottie

DISCLAIMER: I want to take a moment out now to say that I don't intend on making fun of Furries as a whole. As with any fetish, there are bits and pieces of it that are hilarious and that's exactly what I am going to focus on here with furries.

In fact, I would like to also provide this link to a transcipt of the old MTV show Sex2k that introduced me to Furries. It's amazingly interesting and educational:

http://pressedfur.coolfreepages.com/press/sex2k/

I won't lie, there's a whole lot of that transcript that's hilarious too. Like the whole conversation the guy has with his mom.

Marilyn>> OKAY, SO TELL ME, WHAT IS YOUR VISION FOR YOUR FUTURE? HOW DOES IT INCORPORATE YOUR FURRINESS? HOW WILL YOU DO THAT? WHAT WILL IT LOOK LIKE?

Yote>> IT'S THE SAME--

Marilyn>> OKAY, LET'S PRETEND-- LET'S PRETEND THAT THIS IS THE SAME DAY OF THE WEEK TEN YEARS FROM NOW. WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE?

Yote>> VIRTUALLY THE SAME THINGS PROBABLY. I DON'T KNOW.

Marilyn>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "VIRTUALLY THE SAME THINGS"? YOU'RE GOING TO BE SITTING IN FRONT OF THE VIDEO--

Yote>> WORK, WORK, WORK.

Marilyn>> WHAT IS YOUR WORK GOING TO BE, MICHAEL? WHAT DO YOU SEE YOURSELF AS DOING, MICHAEL? WHAT DO YOU SEE YOURSELF AS DOING?

Yote>> I DON'T KNOW.

Marilyn>> DO YOU SEE YOURSELF SERVING UP HAMBURGERS AT McDONALD'S?

Yote>> I HAVE TO GO OUT AND DO THINGS AND FIND OUT WHAT I LIKE. I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING. ALL I'VE DONE IS SCHOOL ALL MY LIFE, MOM. HOW CAN I TELL YOU WHAT I LIKE RIGHT NOW?

Marilyn>> [sighs]

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Furries are fucking intriguing. And after all the research I have done, I can honestly say that them dressing in full animal costumes for sexual pleasure is totally the least interesting thing about them.

I can admire a fetish community that is just that, a community. It makes me wonder if the Scat community has created the same sort of world for themselves, albeit a much more private one. (I feel an all-scat entry coming on. But I'm afraid doing one might catapult me into early retirement from the porn blogging business.)

Really, the world of Furries is a complicated one. I run a real risk of boring you to death with all I have learned, (especially since they have such an extensive Fur-cabulary...I did not make that up...that they have their own WikiFur), so it might be best to just get to what I found to be the truly comical side of Furry Fandom.

FURRIES HAVE THEIR OWN EBAY.

It's called FurBuy. It's pretty sparse as far as content at first glance, and extremely difficult to navigate (particularly if you have no interest in creating an account. Although I ended up making one when I saw that someone was selling a Nintendo DS for $75. But then I was looking at the DVDs for sale and the only one on there was the Robin Hood animated Disney cartoon and I went into a panic because when I was younger I thought the fox from that cartoon was hot and I was afraid that maybe I was a Furrie. Then I remembered that I don't want to have sex with anyone in a mascot uniform. I think. Eeeeek!)

But FurBuy gets really interesting once you start browsing the artwork selection. For $15 and up, you too can own any one of these VERY DISTURBING PIECES:









THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A HIPPO??



That doesn't look anything like a Hippo?!?



Nice braids...

Now, I am a little bummed because a few days ago there was a print of "Velociraptor laying eggs during intercourse" for sale, but I guess the auction ended.

Luckily, the dog penis bookmarks are still available:



1 day, 3 hours left guys!






p.s. The Pron feels justified in thinking the fox from Robin Hood was hot. His swagger was right and his game was tight!

South Park

I had this whole...not so much funny as it was humorously informative post planned about interactive porno,(it's like choose your own adventure! But with Boobs!), but then I ran across...this:



And this:



And this:



And this:



And this:



And this:




And I decided nothing needed to be said about that. Well except that I'm pretty sure this is how South Park started out, and those guys are trillionaires.


I'm just sayin'.