Life is like a hurricane...

Hey there kids.

I'll be honest, I almost pulled the plug on the ol' porno bloggo.

The whole facebook incident  really got to me.  I was tired of seeing really horrible things when researching material for this blog.  The internet is a really disturbing place, in case you have been stuck in The Lone Wolf Tavern since 1999 and hadn't already noticed.

Also I got about 100,000 viruses and burnt out the harddrive on my laptop that I had for less than 6 months.

Anyhoo..

I managed to get a new computer, some really intense anti-everything software, and a renewed tolerance for the internet...

SO LET'S TALK ABOUT DUCK PENIS

just play that on loop while you read this.

There is this really amazing article on duck genitalia you guys should read.  However, I know full well you guys are spatial learners so I will keep it short and sweet, then show you a video or two. 

...In brief, Brennan wanted to understand why some ducks have such extravagant penises. Why are they cork-screw shaped? Why do they get so ridiculously long–some cases as long as the duck’s entire body? As Brennan dissected duck penises, she began to wonder what the female sexual anatomy looked like. If you have a car like this, she said, what kind of garage do you park it in?....

.... But while male duck penises twist clockwise, the female oviduct twists counterclockwise....

In mammals, the penis becomes erect as blood flows into the spongy tissue. Ducks pump lymph fluid instead. And as the fluid enters the penis, it does not simply become engorged. It flips rightside-out.

Eversion in air: from blogs.discovermagazine.com/loom from Carl Zimmer on Vimeo.

That is a duck penis becoming erect slowed down 10x.  Let me repeat..

THAT IS A DUCK PENIS BECOMING ERECT SLOWED DOWN 10X OMFG MY CERVIX HURTS

...Of course, drakes don’t mate with the air. Having made this video, Brennan still needed a way to see how a duck penis actually performs its appointed task. Unable to film duck penises in a real female oviduct, she built a fake oviduct out of silcone. She then managed to get a drake to mate with it. But the overwhelming force of the explosive penis broke the fake oviduct.
So Brennan turned to glass. Her new fake oviducts were strong enough to handle the drakes, and she started filming. Here’s what she saw....

Eversions in barriers / from blogs.discovermagazine.com/loom from Carl Zimmer on Vimeo.
 

In case you didn't see, in that last fake duck vag, the male ducks penis BURSTS THROUGH.

IT BURSTS THROUGH THE VAGINA

Science is fascinating and it made my lady parts ache.

Now, it's a stretch (or is it) if I let this post end by saying that this counts as porn because someone out there must jerk off to ducks.  That is probably (100%) true, but just to err on the side of caution, here is some duck porn:

He puts on a condom to avoid avian flu, obviously.

Soft Vore/Hard Vore

I don't even know how to start this post, so let's just get right into it.

It's going to be a doozy.

VORE

To quote WikiFur: Vorarephilia (or vore^[1][2]) is a fetish and paraphilia where arousal occurs from the idea of being eaten, eating another, or watching this process.^[3] The fantasy may include digestion, painless or otherwise. The word is derived from the Latin vorare (to 'swallow' or 'devour') and the Ancient Greek φιλία (philia, 'love'). 

Although most of the information I am going to present you on this subject is by or about Furries, let it be known that this is not a subculture limited to Furdom. Furries just have a tendency to be more accepting as a culture in general, so Vore thrives in their world.

Now, there is going to be a lot of text in this post, because this subject deserves to be explained well.  Oh don't worry, your brain will still melt.  I just want it to be better informed while melting.

Two Courses To Every Meal:

In the world of Vore, you are either Predator or Prey.  Like BDSM, you can eat or be eaten (pun very much intended.)

For either party, digestion may or may not be a part of the fantasy and it may or may not be painful. From what I gathered in my brief research, most Vore imagery seems to be without digestion.  It's more like being a baby in the womb.

Sort Vore:

Soft vore describes scenarios where prey is consumed alive and whole, often without being harmed before reaching the stomach. Because of its usually non-violent nature, soft vore is commonly regarded as more sensual and sexually oriented. Willing or unwilling prey in soft vore prey are either digested, asphyxiated, or simply held inside the stomach. Some vorarephiles who derive pleasure from watching animals eat other animals enjoy watching snakes eating, this is because they usually swallow their prey whole, a major element in soft vore

Sexy Animations - Best Animation - Snakes Gone Wild! - Click here for more home videos

Hard Vore:

Hard vore describes scenarios where prey is subjected to injuries of being ripped and chewed. This type of vore involves cutting, biting, tearing and usually also involves blood. Although inherently there is no sexual characteristic to these portrayals, to someone with a vore fetish, they could be taken in a sexual context. Hard vore has sometimes been referred to as "gore" to separate it from soft vore.^[6]

 

Gts Vore - Watch a funny movie here

But Vore isn't all srs bizness.

No.

Because there is...

COCK VORE!!!

VAGINAL VORE!!!
ANAL VORE!!!

Being a fantasy, any orifice may be thought of as capable of vore, but it's really just adding a body part to the word vore. This incorrect use of the word vore is now common place. Examples of this well known twisting of the word vore are the "genital vore" scenarios, which includes unbirth. Unbirthing involves being consumed by the vagina and taking refuge in the woman's womb,^[8] which is simply a "reverse birth" and, in a pure sense, can only be done by a female. It is sometimes referred to as "Female Genital Vore" or "vaginal vore." Others think of it as a mutual, erotic and consensual activity with no injury to the sexual partners involved — in that case it is not considered a form of vore.^[8]

 

That is supposed to be an Orca Whale btw.  On land.  With breasts. And legs.

I dunno.

"Male Genital Vore," commonly called cock vore, refers to being consumed by the penis.^[9] This involves the urethral opening at the top of the penis, after which they are pulled down the urethra to the predator's scrotum, in which prey is absorbed, digested, or turned into semen (sometimes known as "cum vore") and ejaculated. A lesser known variant involves the prey to be taken to the prostate for conversion to semen, or to the bladder for storage or digestion.^[10]

 

Not well known, Anal vore describes being consumed by the anus.^[11] In common scenarios, prey consumed through anal vore is often drawn up through the digestive tract to the stomach where they are digested in a normal fashion. Such is not always the case, as the prey may simply remain in the rectum of the predator for a varying length of time.

Of course, Anal Vore comes with video:

The guy below refers to his anus as "Char-rump" because everything bad always leads back to Pokemon:

I like how he narrates you through it all.  So soothing.

Most vorarephiles are aware of the inherent silliness of their fetish, and are largely uninterested in the idea of cannibalism.

But not above putting plastic dinosaurs in their buttholes.

TOMORROW ON THIS LIL PORNOMINE:

Action Pants.

Rule 34

RULE 34:

If it exists, there is porn of it.

No exceptions.

This is the golden rule of the internet, the Ten Commandments of this blog, and a very unfortunate thing indeed:

Here are some of my favorite, random, can-only-be-explained-with-Rule-34 images:

 

John's freaky penis nipples are the worst part about that drawing.

Charlotte's Web porn, because I like ruining everything you loved as a child.

Jesus?

With the right frame, this painting could work in my living room...

Also, I left out a smorgasbord of Simpsons porno because people who draw Simpsons porno have very vivid imaginations and I am pretty sure the stuff they are drawing is illegal even in Japan.

Holiday!

Holiday.....!



Celebrate...!


Since Halloween is coming up and one of the other things I moonlight as is taking up a large chunk of my time, I have decided to post a not-so-oldie-but-goodie for you today.

Once upon a time some weird Turkish guy tried to cybersex me. This is what happened:


The Turk: hii
Pornomine: hi
The Turk: do you tell me your sex history
Pornomine: i dont know, do i?
Pornomine: what do you want to know
The Turk: i wan to know do you do sex with men
Pornomine: yes
The Turk: 'start
Pornomine: huh
The Turk: yes
The Turk: start
The Turk: i will listen
Pornomine: start what
The Turk: for your sex history
Pornomine: what
The Turk: how do you do sex with men
Pornomine: well i start with a non lethal poisoning
Pornomine: usually with a prostitute
Pornomine: then move onto sodomy
The Turk: and
Pornomine: spanish fly works the best, i dont care much for illegal drugs
Pornomine: but it gets harder and harder to hold up the dead weight while operating a strap on
The Turk: and
Pornomine: occasionally i will imprison someone in a storage room ive rented
Pornomine: i dont believe in safe words
Pornomine: so it gets awkward
Pornomine: i mean, i always go through the motions and come up with one with them, just cause i like to hear them say a funny word repeatedly
Pornomine: honestly nothing gets me off more than someone screaming "bananas, bananas! BANANAS!" while I take them violently from behind
Pornomine: i only use strap ons with glass dildos fashioned after a black mans penis
The Turk: okay
The Turk: lets do sex
The Turk: with me
The Turk: if you want
The Turk: from online
Pornomine: well its not as much fun if its consensual
The Turk: can you start
Pornomine: it would be better if you did
The Turk: okay i catch your nipple
The Turk: and touching
Pornomine: i hand you the scissors and ask you to cut it off
The Turk:and then i take them nacked
Pornomine: now cut off yours
The Turk: where
Pornomine: whenever
Pornomine: wherever
The Turk: i make naked of my dick
Pornomine: i glue a he-man action figure where your penis used to be
Pornomine: i make the safeword "greyskull"
The Turk: and
The Turk: you start suck my dick depply
Pornomine: i realize i hate the taste of plastic action figures
Pornomine: it makes me gag
Pornomine: i vomit on hemans arm
Pornomine: it breaks off and goes down my throat
Pornomine: im choking
Pornomine: someone do the heimlich
Pornomine: no seriously
Pornomine: why arent you helping
The Turk: and i start fucking your nipple
Pornomine: my face turns blue and you shove that he man figure into the hole where my nipple used to be
Pornomine: i cant breathe
Pornomine: all of a sudden i vomit up the arm
Pornomine: phew
Pornomine: much better
The Turk: and i am sucking your pusyy
The Turk: like baby
Pornomine: im wondering what baby does that
Pornomine: im starting to get lightheaded from blood loss
The Turk: and start fuck you on top
Pornomine: which is good cause i get to lie down, plus it elevates my boob which stops the bleeding some
The Turk: and i start fuck you behind like a dog
Pornomine: i make chicken noises
Pornomine: BOCK BOCK BOCK BOCK BOCK BOCK
Pornomine: BEGOOOOOCK
The Turk: and i do faster like you are in pain like some kill you
The Turk: and you say
Pornomine: some loose change falls out of my vagina
Pornomine: ive been wondering where my bus fare was
The Turk: and you are top on my body
The Turk: and you jumping
The Turk: too fast almost break my cock
Pornomine: so much change is coming out its like a slot machine
The Turk: okay
The Turk:okay
The Turk: enough
The Turk:do real
The Turk: i will open my cock
Pornomine: like a book
The Turk: noooooo
The Turk: i mean i will make nacked
The Turk:my cock in real
The Turk: you say i do
The Turk:okay tell me
Pornomine: im offended
Pornomine: i cant help it if my vagina is like a slot machine when im excited
The Turk: hey you just dream cock
The Turk:and tell and i do it
Pornomine: i dream cock
Pornomine: i have cocks in my dream catcher
The Turk: i mean dream actio
Pornomine: i clean it twice a week
The Turk: i mean you tell action
The Turk: i do in real
Pornomine: i dream of action movies
Pornomine: like live free: die hard
Pornomine: and demolition man
The Turk: tell me
Pornomine: i get on top of you imagining that you are wesley snipes
The Turk: what should
The Turk: do
Pornomine: you begin thrusting
Pornomine: you are so huge it gives me the hiccups
The Turk: do you understand me
The Turk: i try to say
The Turk: you tell me
The Turk: and i will tyr on my dick
Pornomine: you try on your dick but its the wrong size
Pornomine: i suggest a bigger, more flattering size
Pornomine: i get a sales associate
Pornomine: they say they are out of that size
Pornomine: we should try another store
The Turk: okay
The Turk: if you tell me
The Turk: i will do it
The Turk: in real
The Turk: for my dick
The Turk: it is nacked now
Pornomine: i go and get the manager
The Turk: where
Pornomine: its so close to christmas, i dont want to have to come back
The Turk: why
Pornomine: because then they really wont have the right size
Pornomine: and we'll have to go to the store way across town
Pornomine: and i dont like that one, the parkiing there is terrible and theres no other good stores around
The Turk: and
Pornomine: but there is that nice movie theater
Pornomine: you know, the one that we saw nights in the rodanthe at
The Turk: yes
Pornomine: maybe we could go there
Pornomine: theres a cinnabon
The Turk: yes
Pornomine: i never want cinnabon but then i smell it and im like, damn i want cinnabon
The Turk: okay
The Turk: help about my dick
Pornomine: oh yes im sorry i got distracted
Pornomine: let me go find that manager
Pornomine: stupid dick stores
Pornomine: always understaffed
The Turk: can you do
The Turk: just
The Turk: tell me what i should do with my hand on my dick
Pornomine: we go back to the bedroom
Pornomine: i get a bucket
Pornomine: gather up my bus fare
Pornomine: and catch the next bus home
Pornomine: thanks!

Festive!

I...


I just needed you guys to see that.

We're all juicy inside

What you are about to see here required me to create two new tags: Brain Bleach and Eye Bleach.  Why? Because you will definitely wish for someone to invent those products immediately after watching this.

Note: IF you can make it all the way to end, it's actually kind of hilarious.  My advice is to focus on how amazing the song is until the funny starts happening.  It worked for me, and I watched it like three times.

Have fun!

I Love The Fishes


Here is a preview if you are nervous about clicking:

Porno Family Tree

The Pron: I've got 3 words for you
The Pron: Care
The Pron: Bear
The Pron: Porn
Friend: OH
Friend: MY
Friend: GOD
Friend: That is my 3 word response

The Pron: I've got 3 words for you
The Pron: Care
The Pron: Bear
The Pron: Porn
Other Friend: :(
Other Friend: :(
Other Friend: :(
Other Friend: That is my 3 emoticon response

Yes, that's how excited everyone was for the Care Bear Porn I found. Described as, "the single hottest sex tape ever, the most controversial video you'll ever see. Taken while on marathon coke binge watch Cheer Bear fuck this chick up the ass until she cums hard, then this little blonde teen slut cleans off his cock with her mouth. This was just too nasty for the 80's!", I imagined I was about to view Porno Bloggo greatness.

But no, all I got was a girl humping a doll:



hmph.

After being severely disappointed by the Care Bear Sex Tape, I considered going on a hunt for actual Care Bear porn. But sometimes, the weirdest pornos come to you. In the form of 'related videos.'

For example:



I don't know how this and Care Bears are related, meaning that internet porno sites are using technology far too advanced for me. But I do know that the description for this video made me laugh:

"She goes from dorm to dorm at night, helping horny men get off with blowjobs and jobs alike. And if your cute, she may just fuck you. But ugly or handsome she'll get you off all the same. Who is this noble woman? Why, she's simply called, the Unknown Whore... I think."

She's providing a much-needed service here people. She's an American Hero, this Unknown Whore.

Let's see who's related to the Unknown Whore:



"Olde Timey Tentacle Sex! Porn From a Bygone Era! Filmed On Cellulaphone! Pulled From Al Capones Vault! Music By Bing Crosby And Robert Whiteman! Directed By Gilbert and Sullivan!"

If the Unknown Whore is Care Bears' ugly older sister, then this is definitely Care Bears' senile Grandma.

...

and people say I have too much time on my hands. I'M NOT MAKING OLD TIMEY PORNO OKAY THANKS!

And if Old Timey Tentacle porno was Care Bears' senile Granmother, then THIS GUY is Care Bears' creepy Uncle:





AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

You guys know the YOU GONNA GET RAPED guy? Creepy Uncle is TOTALLY SCARIER:




omg.

And what could possibly be related to Creepy Uncle?

Midgets and Piss of course.


Of course....



Yes, now you too can live in the world that I live in, where NATURALLY you would expect midgets and piss to follow a creepy bearded guy with clothespins on his nipples. It's a great place to visit, but I wouldn't recommend living here.

Why?

Because you're gonna end up living down the street from Midgets and Piss' cousin...the guy who fucks spongy cushions?!? (Is everyone enjoying the neighborhood of weird porno I've created in my mind. I picture like Edward Scissorhand's neighborhood, fyi)



This is video 12 in a series of 14!!! FOURTEEN VIDEOS this man has made of him fucking... a pillow? A giant sponge? Also, because I'm sure you didn't make it to the end, he has it rigged so there is permanently a condom on his penis when he enters the ... pillow-thing.

AGAIN I WOULD LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT I MAY HAVE A LOT OF TIME ON MY HANDS BUT AT LEAST I'M NOT MAKING CONDOM-RIGGED PILLOW VAGINA THINGS!

But if you haven't lost your will to live...anywhere... yet, I present you with:


ET PORN



NIGHTMARES. FOREVER. MY SLEEP WITH FOREVER BE HAUNTED WITH THESE IMAGES.

I'm gonna go get used to seeing creepy-ass ET sucking dick everytime I close my eyes.

:(

Dead Men Tell No Tales

Ok, I'm about to post about necrophilia and I can't get past this:



Yep, I'm clicking and I'm taking you with me.

My coworker Tyler, through a random series of events involving stick figures (don't ask) had the idea that I should post about necrophilia. At the risk of going too far, I agreed.

I figured that Necrophilia's presence on the web would be hard to come by and secretive, like child porn. You know, where you CAN find it if you try hard enough but I'm not trying that hard to watch someone fuck a dead body...and for the most part I'm right. But Necrophilia is fortunate to share it's audience with a far more acceptable (read: less disturbing) niche: Sleepy Sex.

Sleepy Sex is pretty self-explanatory: Sexual acts with a (presumably) unsuspecting sleeping person. It's like really non-aggressive rape. But Sleepy Sex for the most part keeps itself defined seperately from the nightvision videos you see of drunk college girls passed out with like 50 frat boys fucking them. Cause THAT'S rape.

Sleepy Sex videos always almost end with the sleeper waking up delighted to be in whatever situation they've found themselves in...which is more often than not something involving their feet:



Who sleeps in Stripper Heels? And crotchless pants? Did stripper heels really deserve to be capitalized? And why didn't crotchless pants get capitalized, as they are clearly more innovative and I'm 100% sure they're more comfortable??

Anyway, after Tyler's (possibly genius) suggestion, I set out to see how much Necrophilia I could find online. That sentence alone is going to send my mother to her grave for sure...no pun intended.

Well Readers, it took about two seconds to find "Rob's Necrophilia Fantasy."

And now we can begin this journey together, through Rob's Fantasy...which may very well end up being our collective nightmare, readers. I apologize in advance.

After clicking on the girl in the casket a demographic survey comes up. My first thought was, "This better not ask me how old I am and if I have any fatal diseases.." but really, the survey is very innocent. Rob just wants to know how you got here and why you're here, and the whole thing feels almost like a clinical research study:

Question #3 -
Why are you here?
(select the best response)
I arrived by accident and have no particular interest; just curious.

I am doing a research paper or background for an article or book or investigation.

I'm just curious. I wanted more information for general knowledge.

I'm just curious. I have feelings along the lines of sleepysex.

I'm just curious. I have feelings along the lines of necrophilia.

I'm just curious. Someone I know has feelings of sleepysex.

I'm just curious. Someone I know has feelings of necrophilia.

lol someone I know has feelings of sleepysex.

I opted to skip the survey, just because I was too anxious to see what lay beyond it in Rob's Fantasy. The next page is a welcome page, complete with a quote from Socrates, (who is dead...just an FYI for all you necrophiliacs out there. Ok ok, I promise, no more bad necro jokes!)

I think it would be best to let Rob take over momentarily:

In my wanderings around the Internet I have met many people who have had very serious concerns about their feelings of death and sexuality. Many think they are perverts... some think they are in need of mental help... and some have even gone so far as to consider suicide... all because of not simply understanding their own feelings.
Consider these recent contacts I've had...

*A young female teacher wrote telling me about her feelings about imagining herself dead and being ravished sexually.
*A middle-aged lawyer, married-with-kids, told me about his many years of guilt in having the sexual urge to make love to his wife while she was totally unconscious.
*A doctor revealed to me his guilt over having had real life sex with a dead female... and did that make him a necrophiliac?
*A female teen (I get many teens writing to me... and not necessarily for necro interests) wrote to me thinking she might have a mental illness because of her fantasies of the love of her life making love to her unconscious body.
* A cop from New York who wants to share his necro feelings with his wife but is afraid.
*A 19 year old coed from Virginia feeling guilt over having thoughts about wanting to make love to dead males.
* A 25 year old secretary from Los Angeles who's boyfriend recently died in an accident and writes that she is having feelings of wishing she could make love one last time to his body... and did those feelings make her "nuts"?
*A 33 year old corporate executive from Canada who was abused as a child, suffering from manic depression as a result, and has sexual feelings of being found dead and sexually used.
*A gay male government employee from Des Moines fighting his urges to want to have sex with dead men.

The list goes on... and if you fall into any of these categories or another one totally different, you are most assuredly NOT alone. The point to remember is that while you're feelings are unique to yourself, they are not unique to the world.

The way Rob writes could make me feel good about anything! Seriously!

From this point there is a table of contents. There are several articles outlining how to deal with your blossoming love for the dead and/or the sleeping. But in order to keep this entry from becoming less like a funny Porno Mine read and more like a thesis paper, I think we'll skip ahead to:

THIS REALLY FUCKING CREEPY IM EXCHANGE ABOUT A GUY FUCKING HIS DEAD WIFE

NOTE FROM THE PRON: THIS IS LONG SO I WENT AHEAD AND BOLDED THE...GOOD? BAD? HORRIFYING? PARTS FOR THE TL;DR CROWD. MY COMMENTARY WILL BE IN ITALICS NEXT TO THE BOLDED STUFF. THIS IS RIDIC!!!

tom_tormented (2:43:26 PM): Unfortunately, my wife died suddenly on May the 25th of this year. Her pictures when alive are in my profile...and in my profiles "photo" folder as well. Take a moment to look.
shadowmn (2:43:49 PM): Oh I am so so sorry... how did she die?
tom_tormented (2:45:06 PM): Sorry, my son came in the room and started talking to me...
tom_tormented (2:45:11 PM): I'm back.
tom_tormented (2:45:23 PM): Well, the cause has yet to be "officially" determined. THIS GUY'S USE OF QUOTATIONS IS GONNA MAKE YOU PULL YOUR HAIR OUT BY THE END OF THIS
tom_tormented (2:45:35 PM): However, the initial thought is that it was a blood clot to the brain. THAT'S QUITE A DIAGNOSIS FOR A FIRST-TIMER
tom_tormented (2:45:40 PM): It was almost instant.
shadowmn (2:45:45 PM): jeezz.. I am so sorry, friend.
tom_tormented (2:46:05 PM): She smiled at me...her pupils dilated...her head fell back and she took four breaths and was gone.
tom_tormented (2:46:10 PM): Did you see her pics yet?
shadowmn (2:46:15 PM): yes
Note: Being a sexually expressive couple, the pics he refers to here were of her in some sexually provocative positions as they enjoyed sharing these to the world. ROB TYPED THAT NOT ME. OBVIOUSLY, CAUSE I WOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE: OMFG THEN THEY SHOWED ME PICTURES OF THEM DOING IT EW!
tom_tormented (2:46:27 PM): It was fast...and from what I have been told...painless.
tom_tormented (2:46:35 PM): She was gone instantly.
tom_tormented (2:46:54 PM): We had been married for 14 years.
shadowmn (2:46:54 PM): Such a tragic loss
shadowmn (2:47:14 PM): Where are you from?
tom_tormented (2:47:20 PM): MS
tom_tormented (2:47:31 PM): Eastern, MS...
shadowmn (2:47:33 PM): ah ok.. Illinois, recently in AZ at the moment
tom_tormented (2:47:49 PM): Ok, cool.
shadowmn (2:47:51 PM): I am so sorry.. truly.
tom_tormented (2:48:04 PM): Yea, it's tough...I am a single dad with 3 kids now.
shadowmn (2:48:16 PM): Please tell me you made last love to her somehow. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I SAY TO SOMEONE WHO HAS LOST A LOVED ONE
tom_tormented (2:48:28 PM): Yes, at home.
shadowmn (2:48:48 PM): You didn't call the paramedics right away?
tom_tormented (2:49:07 PM): I did...but where we live is very far out...I knew that I have almost 20 minutes with her.
shadowmn (2:49:20 PM): May I ask what you did with her OH GOD...
tom_tormented (2:50:03 PM): Yes, we always sleep in the nude...so, she was already naked. We were going to bed and she was reading her latest Stephen King novel.
tom_tormented (2:50:21 PM): She would read every night before turning off the light on her side of the bed.
shadowmn (2:50:36 PM): ok
tom_tormented (2:50:37 PM): This night, she looked at me and said "huh, that's funny?"
tom_tormented (2:50:41 PM): And I said "What?"
tom_tormented (2:50:56 PM): She said, "my cheek just went numb."
shadowmn (2:51:04 PM): ohh
tom_tormented (2:51:04 PM): I looked at her and she smiled.
tom_tormented (2:51:23 PM): Then she said "maybe it's a tooth thing. I need to see a dentist."
tom_tormented (2:51:27 PM): She went back to reading.
tom_tormented (2:51:40 PM): Then she said, "Wow, my fingers are tingling."
tom_tormented (2:51:43 PM): It was her left hand.
shadowmn (2:52:00 PM): ah.. a stroke huh
tom_tormented (2:52:03 PM): Then, she started to sweat. I got up and went to get her some wet towels to put on her head.
tom_tormented (2:52:29 PM): By the time I came back she was on her back. Just staring up.
tom_tormented (2:52:39 PM): I asked her if she was "OK" and she smiled.
tom_tormented (2:52:55 PM): She said, "I'll be fine" and then immediately gritted her teeth.
tom_tormented (2:53:06 PM): Her pupils opened all the way and the brown of her eyes dissapeard.
tom_tormented (2:53:32 PM): Her eyes were solid black...her head went back (as if having an orgasm) and she took four breaths.
tom_tormented (2:53:39 PM): Then, she was dead.
shadowmn (2:53:50 PM): how tragic..
tom_tormented (2:54:02 PM): She was 41 years old
tom_tormented (2:54:06 PM): Perfect health.
shadowmn (2:54:12 PM): go figure
tom_tormented (2:54:31 PM): So, I called 911 and decided to wait.
tom_tormented (2:55:07 PM): Sorry...son walked in again...
shadowmn (2:55:10 PM): np
tom_tormented (2:56:04 PM): So, basically, she was there...naked on the bed...and I was crying like a baby. It started with me kissing her forehead...caressing her breasts and kissing her lips. Most of the time I was saying "my God Kate...why did this happen!"
shadowmn (2:56:21 PM): I can only imagine
tom_tormented (2:56:31 PM): It was very intimate. Hard to explain really....pure emotion.
tom_tormented (2:56:59 PM): At this time, somewhere deep in my brain...I realized that I would never have the opportunity to make love to her again. I DON'T LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING....
shadowmn (2:57:05 PM): yeah
tom_tormented (2:57:27 PM): Knowing how long the medics would take, and the fact that she was totally naked and they would never know "what" she was doing when she died...I decided to make love to her.
tom_tormented (2:58:01 PM): I spread her legs. Got some "astroglide" out of our "toy" drawer and lubricated myself.
shadowmn (2:58:10 PM): You experienced a rare intimacy few ever experience with a loved one who died
tom_tormented (2:58:34 PM): Then I slowly inserted into her (crying the whole time) and began to move.
shadowmn (2:58:38 PM): ok
shadowmn (2:58:44 PM): You said you had to lube yourself up before entering her.. was that cause you are large or more simply for feeling enhancement?
tom_tormented (3:58:55 PM): She was very dry and I am about 8 inches.
tom_tormented (2:59:04 PM): It was odd, because she was so still. She was a very responsive lover and her vaginal muscles were "milking" muscles...that sensation was missing.
tom_tormented (2:59:09 PM): She was actually very loose.
shadowmn (2:59:23 PM): yeah, I bet ...YEAH I BET. SHADOWMN KNOWS ALL ABOUT THE VAG GOING ALL LOOSEY-GOOSEY AFTER ITS OWNER DIES...
tom_tormented (2:59:28 PM): Also, while I was doing her she pissed a little.
shadowmn (2:59:47 PM): that's normal..
tom_tormented (2:59:57 PM): I kept kissing her...sucking her breasts and pumping. All I could think about was that this was the last time I would ever cum in her.
shadowmn (3:00:14 PM): smart guy IS HE BEING SARCASTIC?
tom_tormented (3:00:41 PM): So, about 10 minutes passed and I began to worry if the medics would use the siren or just pull up and knock.
tom_tormented (3:01:01 PM): I also noticed that there was some skin color change where I was touching her.
tom_tormented (3:01:42 PM): The back of her neck was starting to get darker (purple in color) and it was as if all her blood was rushing to her back.
shadowmn (3:01:50 PM): yes
tom_tormented (3:01:56 PM): I could even notice that she was getting cooler.
tom_tormented (3:02:07 PM): Not much...but some.
tom_tormented (3:02:15 PM): Enough to tell.
shadowmn (3:02:20 PM): yeah
tom_tormented (3:02:48 PM): So, I hurried up and had an intense orgasm inside her.
shadowmn (3:02:57 PM): good
tom_tormented (3:03:21 PM): I pulled out and she started to drip. So I got a T-shirt of hers and wiped her off on the outside.
shadowmn (3:03:33 PM): Think of taking any pics?
tom_tormented (3:03:49 PM): Yes.
shadowmn (3:04:00 PM): good man. you can always remember her that way
shadowmn (3:04:11 PM): your last time together
tom_tormented (3:04:15 PM): Yes.
tom_tormented (3:04:34 PM): Luckily, she loved the camera in life...I have over 3000 pics of her nude or during sex.
tom_tormented (3:04:39 PM): So, it seemed fitting. OK, FOR THE RECORD: NO MATTER HOW MUCH I LOVE THE CAMERA IN LIFE, I AM NOT GOING TO LOVE IT IN DEATH. ESPECIALLY IF I'M NAKED AND YOU JUST FUCKED MY DEAD BODY.
shadowmn (3:04:44 PM): yeah
shadowmn (3:05:24 PM): My real name is ____.. "Rob" is a pen name for the site
tom_tormented (3:05:33 PM): Ok, cool.
tom_tormented (3:05:35 PM): I am Tom.
shadowmn (3:05:51 PM): Nice to meet you, Tom.. yet sad at the reason.
tom_tormented (3:06:16 PM): Yes, I am still pretty broken up about it. It was my research on embalming that led me to your site.
shadowmn (3:06:32 PM): I imagine the assholes did an autopsy on her?
tom_tormented (3:06:39 PM): 3
shadowmn (3:06:42 PM): pricks
tom_tormented (3:06:52 PM): Yea, she was an organ donor too.
tom_tormented (3:07:03 PM): 6 people got parts of her.
shadowmn (3:07:13 PM): Well, that is good. But sad they slice her pristine body all up.
tom_tormented (3:07:25 PM): Yes, very true. Hard to think about at times.
shadowmn (3:07:49 PM): Maybe at least a little of you is resting inside her.
tom_tormented (3:08:23 PM): Yes, I am sure.
tom_tormented (3:09:17 PM): When I was done...I put her hands on her chest and took a few pictures.
shadowmn (3:09:26 PM): Thanks for sharing your story. Actually.. it's a main basis for my site. Necro laws sucks.. and family members should be allowed to do what they wish with their loved ones.
tom_tormented (3:09:50 PM): Would you like to see a picture of her from after?
shadowmn (3:10:22 PM): If you would like to share in the moment and let me see a couple pics I'd be honored.. but rest assured I don't post this stuff nor hand it around. I'd loose my credibility if I did that
tom_tormented (3:10:40 PM): Ok, well, I blurred her face for safety anyway.
shadowmn (3:10:45 PM): ok
tom_tormented (3:10:55 PM): I will also share one of her in her coffin...if you wish.
shadowmn (3:11:01 PM): yes.. thanks
tom_tormented (3:12:10 PM): I took her wedding ring off in these pics...so she can't be identified by it.
tom_tormented (3:12:57 PM): Did the 1st pic come through?
shadowmn (3:13:00 PM): yes
shadowmn (3:13:22 PM): she's very attractive
tom_tormented (3:13:38 PM): Thanks.
shadowmn (3:13:51 PM): I am so so sorry Tom
tom_tormented (3:13:59 PM): Thanks again.
tom_tormented (3:37:56 PM): Well, before the medics arrived...I shaved her pussy and kept all the hair.
shadowmn (3:38:03 PM): good man
shadowmn (4:16:18 PM): Interesting visual one can muster up with that image after you did her when she died.
tom_tormented (4:16:59 PM): I really rammed hard because she was so loose.
shadowmn (4:17:23 PM): I'm sure she would have orgasmed good
tom_tormented (4:17:40 PM): The problem was that she kept sliding up the bed...and her head would start to hit the headboard...then I would have to stop and grab her ankles and pull her back down...it was odd.
shadowmn (4:17:52 PM): yeah
shadowmn (4:18:05 PM): She was large breasted..
tom_tormented (4:18:28 PM): Yea, but I held on to them or was on her most of the time.
shadowmn (4:18:35 PM): good
tom_tormented (4:18:55 PM): When the paramedics arrived, she was still naked on the bed.
tom_tormented (4:19:02 PM): It was two young guys.
shadowmn (4:19:13 PM): was she still dripping at that time?
tom_tormented (4:19:26 PM): Not until they picked her up and moved her to the gurney.
tom_tormented (4:19:31 PM): Then she gushed a little.
shadowmn (4:19:38 PM): kinda obvious then
tom_tormented (4:19:41 PM): The guy on the foot end was a little shaken.
shadowmn (4:20:05 PM): why
tom_tormented (4:20:17 PM): Seeing the cum come out of her...he looked a bit shocked.
shadowmn (4:20:21 PM): ohh hehe
tom_tormented (4:20:42 PM): I told them that we were fucking when she died.
shadowmn (4:20:56 PM): I bet that got him going too
tom_tormented (4:21:07 PM): I guess. LOL.
tom_tormented (4:21:29 PM): I do wonder about that medic. THE PRON HAS BEEN RENDERED SPEECHLESS...TYPELESS..WHATEVER.
tom_tormented (4:22:10 PM): She was totally gone...no more that could be done. They put her in the ambulance and one of the medics rode in the back with her to the hospital. Why? What is the point if she was dead?
tom_tormented (4:22:24 PM): Made me wonder.
tom_tormented (4:42:47 PM): So, I know this is a touchy issue...but do many of the people you talk to have a "faith" of some kind...or does it take someone who isn't religious to enjoy the dead.
shadowmn (4:44:29 PM): Oh.. people are all over the chart when it comes to sex with the dead and morality. Even in my own situation.. fantasy.. I am never 'fucking' the dead.. but making love with them.. it's a spiritual thing for me in a way. Not religious though. But even those who 'lust' for the dead can be religious if they hold to the idea that the soul leaves the body with the last breath.. and after that it's just an empty vessl.
shadowmn (4:44:54 PM): Hell, the Bible says that much
tom_tormented (4:45:06 PM): Well, I can be honest there...my wife was GONE the moment she died.
shadowmn (4:45:35 PM): Then who/what did you make love to?
tom_tormented (4:46:01 PM): To her body. To what I had left. Her spirit...her soul...was gone.
shadowmn (4:46:17 PM): Did you 'fuck' her remains or make love?
tom_tormented (4:46:27 PM): Made love to them...that was all I had.
shadowmn (4:46:41 PM): Then you have nothing to regret.
tom_tormented (4:46:46 PM): But I knew Lyn was gone.
shadowmn (4:46:49 PM): Are you feeling guilt?
tom_tormented (4:46:51 PM): Nope.
shadowmn (4:46:55 PM): good
shadowmn (4:47:15 PM): If you had more time would you have made more love with her body?
tom_tormented (4:47:41 PM): I don't think so...I truly feel it would have cheapened the experience.
shadowmn (4:48:06 PM): I can see both sides.. but you did what you felt was right and that's all thats imoortant
tom_tormented (4:48:32 PM): For a brief moment I thought about eating her...but the libricant (and the fact she was leaking piss) really prevented that.
shadowmn (4:55:01 PM): I'm sorry for your loss, Tom.
tom_tormented (4:55:13 PM): Thank you.
tom_tormented (4:55:23 PM): It was nice talking to you.
shadowmn (4:55:31 PM): was nice talking to you too.
shadowmn (4:55:42 PM): what do you do for a living
tom_tormented (4:56:09 PM): I work for a large electronics chain.
tom_tormented (4:56:19 PM): My wife was a newspaper editor.
shadowmn (4:58:08 PM): Had sex with anyone since?
tom_tormented (4:58:21 PM): Nope. COUPLE THINGS: 1. SHADOWMN'S LINE OF QUESTIONING IS SO ODD.. "SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS, WHERE DO YOU WORK?" 2. I'M GLAD THAT HE WAS TOO GOOD TO GO DOWN ON HIS WIFE CAUSE SHE HAD PEED A LITTLE BUT NOT TOO GOOD TO FUCK HER WHILE SHE WAS DEAD...I'M JUST SAYIN..
shadowmn (4:58:26 PM): didn't think so.
tom_tormented (4:58:27 PM): No rebounds.
tom_tormented (4:58:45 PM): But, there is someone special who may...in the future...be there for me
tom_tormented (4:58:48 PM): Only time will tell.
shadowmn (4:58:52 PM): good
shadowmn (4:59:51 PM): I need to break away for a few Tom.. I'll be sitting online here but in the background for a while. I'd enjoy chatting later if you wish.
tom_tormented (5:00:15 PM): No problem...talk to you later. Bye.
shadowmn (5:00:19 PM): adios for now.

Ok, I'm sure you need a moment to recover from that too...so let's take a moment.












Alright, I'm feeling a little better, although I feel that my shower water will never quite be hot enough to make me ever feel clean after having read that.

But I do want to throw in my two cents here:

Rob says a lot on his website about how Necro laws should allow family members to do as they please with their loved one's bodies. As someone who took more than a class or two on the subject, (try two years of mortuary science schooling), I can say that in part I agree with that. I believe that if my husband wishes to be buried in the backyard, or cremated and have his ashes put in a flagpole, than he should be granted that wish. But non consensual sex is still rape, whether you were married and dead or strangers and alive. So unless it is indicated in that person's last will and testament, sex with the dead should be off limits.

Lest you think the Pron has gotten all moral on you, let me remind you, I think fetishes are healthy and awesome...and there are plenty of living people willing to play dead and have sex with you. Or you could get a real doll.

Or you could stick a dead octopus in your vagina:



There's a video of that happening, so I can verify that's what happened, but the site it's on is so virus-inducing and pop-up crazy that I'll spare you.

Sorry guys.