Holiday!

Holiday.....!



Celebrate...!


Since Halloween is coming up and one of the other things I moonlight as is taking up a large chunk of my time, I have decided to post a not-so-oldie-but-goodie for you today.

Once upon a time some weird Turkish guy tried to cybersex me. This is what happened:


The Turk: hii
Pornomine: hi
The Turk: do you tell me your sex history
Pornomine: i dont know, do i?
Pornomine: what do you want to know
The Turk: i wan to know do you do sex with men
Pornomine: yes
The Turk: 'start
Pornomine: huh
The Turk: yes
The Turk: start
The Turk: i will listen
Pornomine: start what
The Turk: for your sex history
Pornomine: what
The Turk: how do you do sex with men
Pornomine: well i start with a non lethal poisoning
Pornomine: usually with a prostitute
Pornomine: then move onto sodomy
The Turk: and
Pornomine: spanish fly works the best, i dont care much for illegal drugs
Pornomine: but it gets harder and harder to hold up the dead weight while operating a strap on
The Turk: and
Pornomine: occasionally i will imprison someone in a storage room ive rented
Pornomine: i dont believe in safe words
Pornomine: so it gets awkward
Pornomine: i mean, i always go through the motions and come up with one with them, just cause i like to hear them say a funny word repeatedly
Pornomine: honestly nothing gets me off more than someone screaming "bananas, bananas! BANANAS!" while I take them violently from behind
Pornomine: i only use strap ons with glass dildos fashioned after a black mans penis
The Turk: okay
The Turk: lets do sex
The Turk: with me
The Turk: if you want
The Turk: from online
Pornomine: well its not as much fun if its consensual
The Turk: can you start
Pornomine: it would be better if you did
The Turk: okay i catch your nipple
The Turk: and touching
Pornomine: i hand you the scissors and ask you to cut it off
The Turk:and then i take them nacked
Pornomine: now cut off yours
The Turk: where
Pornomine: whenever
Pornomine: wherever
The Turk: i make naked of my dick
Pornomine: i glue a he-man action figure where your penis used to be
Pornomine: i make the safeword "greyskull"
The Turk: and
The Turk: you start suck my dick depply
Pornomine: i realize i hate the taste of plastic action figures
Pornomine: it makes me gag
Pornomine: i vomit on hemans arm
Pornomine: it breaks off and goes down my throat
Pornomine: im choking
Pornomine: someone do the heimlich
Pornomine: no seriously
Pornomine: why arent you helping
The Turk: and i start fucking your nipple
Pornomine: my face turns blue and you shove that he man figure into the hole where my nipple used to be
Pornomine: i cant breathe
Pornomine: all of a sudden i vomit up the arm
Pornomine: phew
Pornomine: much better
The Turk: and i am sucking your pusyy
The Turk: like baby
Pornomine: im wondering what baby does that
Pornomine: im starting to get lightheaded from blood loss
The Turk: and start fuck you on top
Pornomine: which is good cause i get to lie down, plus it elevates my boob which stops the bleeding some
The Turk: and i start fuck you behind like a dog
Pornomine: i make chicken noises
Pornomine: BOCK BOCK BOCK BOCK BOCK BOCK
Pornomine: BEGOOOOOCK
The Turk: and i do faster like you are in pain like some kill you
The Turk: and you say
Pornomine: some loose change falls out of my vagina
Pornomine: ive been wondering where my bus fare was
The Turk: and you are top on my body
The Turk: and you jumping
The Turk: too fast almost break my cock
Pornomine: so much change is coming out its like a slot machine
The Turk: okay
The Turk:okay
The Turk: enough
The Turk:do real
The Turk: i will open my cock
Pornomine: like a book
The Turk: noooooo
The Turk: i mean i will make nacked
The Turk:my cock in real
The Turk: you say i do
The Turk:okay tell me
Pornomine: im offended
Pornomine: i cant help it if my vagina is like a slot machine when im excited
The Turk: hey you just dream cock
The Turk:and tell and i do it
Pornomine: i dream cock
Pornomine: i have cocks in my dream catcher
The Turk: i mean dream actio
Pornomine: i clean it twice a week
The Turk: i mean you tell action
The Turk: i do in real
Pornomine: i dream of action movies
Pornomine: like live free: die hard
Pornomine: and demolition man
The Turk: tell me
Pornomine: i get on top of you imagining that you are wesley snipes
The Turk: what should
The Turk: do
Pornomine: you begin thrusting
Pornomine: you are so huge it gives me the hiccups
The Turk: do you understand me
The Turk: i try to say
The Turk: you tell me
The Turk: and i will tyr on my dick
Pornomine: you try on your dick but its the wrong size
Pornomine: i suggest a bigger, more flattering size
Pornomine: i get a sales associate
Pornomine: they say they are out of that size
Pornomine: we should try another store
The Turk: okay
The Turk: if you tell me
The Turk: i will do it
The Turk: in real
The Turk: for my dick
The Turk: it is nacked now
Pornomine: i go and get the manager
The Turk: where
Pornomine: its so close to christmas, i dont want to have to come back
The Turk: why
Pornomine: because then they really wont have the right size
Pornomine: and we'll have to go to the store way across town
Pornomine: and i dont like that one, the parkiing there is terrible and theres no other good stores around
The Turk: and
Pornomine: but there is that nice movie theater
Pornomine: you know, the one that we saw nights in the rodanthe at
The Turk: yes
Pornomine: maybe we could go there
Pornomine: theres a cinnabon
The Turk: yes
Pornomine: i never want cinnabon but then i smell it and im like, damn i want cinnabon
The Turk: okay
The Turk: help about my dick
Pornomine: oh yes im sorry i got distracted
Pornomine: let me go find that manager
Pornomine: stupid dick stores
Pornomine: always understaffed
The Turk: can you do
The Turk: just
The Turk: tell me what i should do with my hand on my dick
Pornomine: we go back to the bedroom
Pornomine: i get a bucket
Pornomine: gather up my bus fare
Pornomine: and catch the next bus home
Pornomine: thanks!