Tolerance, Love, Meat Puppets

Wow.

Just...wow.

Ok so, one of my coworkers has recently been clued into this blog. Half the fun (horribleness) of this is explaining to people WHY I do this.

NO ONE BELIEVES ME WHEN I SAY IT'S BECAUSE PORN IS FUNNY.

I let my coworker in the on the video selection process after the suggestion that I review some midget porn when all of my usual sources (bookmarks, subscriptions) were coming up dry. I have vowed not to use anything obviously funny. OF COURSE midget porn is horrible. I want stuff that is unexpectedly ridiculous. So no midgets, no trannies, and only the occasional stuffed animal I swear.

What I like to do when I'm lacking good (bad) porno, is to just put in random words in the search engines on my favorite porno sites. So, first up was the word "Donkey."

Big mistake.

Because for one, I hadn't turned off the content filter, which meant Gay porn was coming up in my search results. Now, I'm not saying Gay porno isn't funny sometimes, but with most things the Gays are overachievers...and there is just WAY TOO MUCH Gay porno for me to sort through. Especially in this scenario where the phrase "Donkey Dick" is in heavy rotation.

Oh, and there was this really weird, not so much funny as it was really disturbing video of a guy having sex with a donkey. Go find it yourselves, cause I'm not putting it here. Weirdos.

I put my content filter onto "Straight" and searched another random word: "Mouse"

Only one video comes up. A girl swallowing a live mouse. Moving on....

....


Why is a girl swallowing a mouse considered porn?

..... ok ok moving on for real this time.

Things are looking pretty bleak, so it's time to bust out the big guns.

Search: "Religious"

Cause religious porn is always hilarious, right?

Right.

Only one video comes up. I read carefully before I click, because I am not really feeling all the animal porno I've had to watch in the past half hour, and this is the description I am treated to:

Description: A touching story of religious freedom and soft tender love in a world of sick, twisted, perverted wierdos on crack. Quit reading this shit and watch the fuckin video! Gimmie some paparazi to kill!

What??

WHAT??

....




Well, that's good enough for me:



p.s. why the fuck are embed codes the most difficult things in the world for me to copy and paste?? is it just me?

Now, there are a few things going on here. Like, oh I dunno, THE MUSIC..THE KLOWN JESUS SPLICED INTO THE BUKKAKE... THE WEIRD CLOWN WITH PURPLE HAIR AT THE END...

yeah, just a few things going on here.

I...I don't know. I don't know how to explain this, guys. Bukkake Asian porno with a picture of Jesus photoshopped into a clown in the middle with some Joe Cocker music over it. No weirdos on crack though. At least none that I could see.

I feel like in some strange twist in the universe that poor mouse that got swallowed for pornotube ended up in heaven with Bukkake Clown Jesus. I sure hope he likes Asian girls.


See? And people think porno isn't funny.