Cummunion

Whether you believe in life on other planets or not, people seem to agree on one thing:

When Aliens finally arrive on Earth, they are going to fuck our brains out.

There is apparently nothing more to be gained from the human race than vagina. Well, that's how most humans feel too, so there may be some truth to that.

The cool thing about Aliens is that no matter what their genitals are like, they are completely adaptable to the human vagina.  And vice versa!

"He placed his cock deep inside her, resting against her cervix and then, he pushed hard.  His dick went completely out of view, well inside her womb and eliciting a loud groan from the female as she felt the big phallus burying deep within her belly"

Another interesting thing about Alien and human anatomy is that when n Alien ejaculates, it is so powerful that it easily shoots out of the human mouth, yet causes them no harm.  And it tastes good too!

 

"Carol was so overthrown (?) by the delicious taste that she didn't notice a silent creature, a flagora, moving behind her"

Boys, don't fret, not all Aliens are straight:

The best way to prepare yourself for your inevitable Alien rape, is to get yourself used to the idea of inter-planetary fucking, like so:

Ladies, don't worry, we have you covered too, as demonstrated by this gentleman:

Okay yeah, I'm not 100% that's an alien on that dildo but... OH MY GOD DID HE JUST PEE???

(btw I read the comments on that last video and this one made me lol: "I'VE SEEN ALL OF YOUR VIDEO!!! why u dont cum? why you just pee? have you experienced cumming or what?" Why cum when you can just pee?  Although I worry about him pissing so close to the camera.)

I think with education, a bit of luck, and a lot of vaginal stretching, you too can find yourself in a loving relationship with an alien who will probably perforate your uterus until you bleed to death and die.

Awwww.....

TOMORROW ON THIS LIL PORNO MINE:

Monster Vore - The funniest bloopers are right here

SEXY.

Rule 34

RULE 34:

If it exists, there is porn of it.

No exceptions.

This is the golden rule of the internet, the Ten Commandments of this blog, and a very unfortunate thing indeed:

Here are some of my favorite, random, can-only-be-explained-with-Rule-34 images:

 

John's freaky penis nipples are the worst part about that drawing.

Charlotte's Web porn, because I like ruining everything you loved as a child.

Jesus?

With the right frame, this painting could work in my living room...

Also, I left out a smorgasbord of Simpsons porno because people who draw Simpsons porno have very vivid imaginations and I am pretty sure the stuff they are drawing is illegal even in Japan.

THE UPDATE OF EPIC FAIL

This update fails in so many ways.

No preambles, let's just get right to it:

DIGIMON CHILD PORNOGRAPHY!

hooray?



Now, uh... a horse ejaculating through a building?


click for full size

Some horrible stuff I saw on FurBid, the Furry Ebay

Male Tiger rapes Female Panther.... I wouldn't exactly call this RAPE:



Uh huh.

The artist says:

Low but dramatic color. Unique perspective and depth of field technique applied in the concept of the sketch. Treat yourself to something uncommon.

...


AND FINALLY, a few randoms I have nothing to say about:






When you have a sub and this Toilet Brush attachment, you can make sure that your bathroom remains tidy and clean. This attachment is designed for the Humiliator Gag designed by Scott Paul. When attached to the end of it, your sub becomes an instant human toilet scrub. The white bristled brush is the same style of brush you'd find anywhere for toilet cleaning, only this time it's attached to a 5" rod so that your sub will be sure of what they're being told to do.


As an attachment to Scott Paul's Humiliator Gag, this device will turn your slave into a moving serving tray. You can place your favorite cocktail, appetizer or whatever you wish on the tray and have your sub deliver it personally. Imagine having them go back and forth with different items at your every beck and call. The tray is attached via a durable, light metal rod. The tray is 4" wide and has a removable rubber pad for easy cleaning. The attachment rod is 2" long.

Porno Family Tree

The Pron: I've got 3 words for you
The Pron: Care
The Pron: Bear
The Pron: Porn
Friend: OH
Friend: MY
Friend: GOD
Friend: That is my 3 word response

The Pron: I've got 3 words for you
The Pron: Care
The Pron: Bear
The Pron: Porn
Other Friend: :(
Other Friend: :(
Other Friend: :(
Other Friend: That is my 3 emoticon response

Yes, that's how excited everyone was for the Care Bear Porn I found. Described as, "the single hottest sex tape ever, the most controversial video you'll ever see. Taken while on marathon coke binge watch Cheer Bear fuck this chick up the ass until she cums hard, then this little blonde teen slut cleans off his cock with her mouth. This was just too nasty for the 80's!", I imagined I was about to view Porno Bloggo greatness.

But no, all I got was a girl humping a doll:



hmph.

After being severely disappointed by the Care Bear Sex Tape, I considered going on a hunt for actual Care Bear porn. But sometimes, the weirdest pornos come to you. In the form of 'related videos.'

For example:



I don't know how this and Care Bears are related, meaning that internet porno sites are using technology far too advanced for me. But I do know that the description for this video made me laugh:

"She goes from dorm to dorm at night, helping horny men get off with blowjobs and jobs alike. And if your cute, she may just fuck you. But ugly or handsome she'll get you off all the same. Who is this noble woman? Why, she's simply called, the Unknown Whore... I think."

She's providing a much-needed service here people. She's an American Hero, this Unknown Whore.

Let's see who's related to the Unknown Whore:



"Olde Timey Tentacle Sex! Porn From a Bygone Era! Filmed On Cellulaphone! Pulled From Al Capones Vault! Music By Bing Crosby And Robert Whiteman! Directed By Gilbert and Sullivan!"

If the Unknown Whore is Care Bears' ugly older sister, then this is definitely Care Bears' senile Grandma.

...

and people say I have too much time on my hands. I'M NOT MAKING OLD TIMEY PORNO OKAY THANKS!

And if Old Timey Tentacle porno was Care Bears' senile Granmother, then THIS GUY is Care Bears' creepy Uncle:





AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

You guys know the YOU GONNA GET RAPED guy? Creepy Uncle is TOTALLY SCARIER:




omg.

And what could possibly be related to Creepy Uncle?

Midgets and Piss of course.


Of course....



Yes, now you too can live in the world that I live in, where NATURALLY you would expect midgets and piss to follow a creepy bearded guy with clothespins on his nipples. It's a great place to visit, but I wouldn't recommend living here.

Why?

Because you're gonna end up living down the street from Midgets and Piss' cousin...the guy who fucks spongy cushions?!? (Is everyone enjoying the neighborhood of weird porno I've created in my mind. I picture like Edward Scissorhand's neighborhood, fyi)



This is video 12 in a series of 14!!! FOURTEEN VIDEOS this man has made of him fucking... a pillow? A giant sponge? Also, because I'm sure you didn't make it to the end, he has it rigged so there is permanently a condom on his penis when he enters the ... pillow-thing.

AGAIN I WOULD LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT I MAY HAVE A LOT OF TIME ON MY HANDS BUT AT LEAST I'M NOT MAKING CONDOM-RIGGED PILLOW VAGINA THINGS!

But if you haven't lost your will to live...anywhere... yet, I present you with:


ET PORN



NIGHTMARES. FOREVER. MY SLEEP WITH FOREVER BE HAUNTED WITH THESE IMAGES.

I'm gonna go get used to seeing creepy-ass ET sucking dick everytime I close my eyes.

:(

Cartoon Network

It's been pretty weird around here lately, hasn't it?

Yeah, I think so too.

I think we should watch some cartoons.




Oh come on, you knew that was coming.

Admittedly, I have never seen an anime film in it's entirety (unless an entire season of Sailor Moon counts.) But from what I've gathered, aliens are always coming to earth..Japan specifically...and raping schoolgirls with their...well I dunno...tentacles?

The real beauty of anime porn clips on the internet is that unlike real live porn, which has no plot, anime porn just gets even more weird once it's out of context.

For example:



Huh?

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if my job were to draw cartoons having sex. Thankfully though, progress has saved me from that fate....

Because now there is COMPUTER GENERATED CARTOON SEX



This may make me sound like a weirdo, but this scares me more than the people having sex with the dead from last week.



FINALLY someone figured out how to make the Sims fuck. That's the only reason anyone ever bought that game to begin with, but then you'd play it and after about 4329782347234 MIND NUMBING HOURS you realized they only got pixellated. Bummer.



Does anyone have any idea what's going on here? I see like five different people in that pile.



God, these are frightening...

Robin Hood was a Hottie

DISCLAIMER: I want to take a moment out now to say that I don't intend on making fun of Furries as a whole. As with any fetish, there are bits and pieces of it that are hilarious and that's exactly what I am going to focus on here with furries.

In fact, I would like to also provide this link to a transcipt of the old MTV show Sex2k that introduced me to Furries. It's amazingly interesting and educational:

http://pressedfur.coolfreepages.com/press/sex2k/

I won't lie, there's a whole lot of that transcript that's hilarious too. Like the whole conversation the guy has with his mom.

Marilyn>> OKAY, SO TELL ME, WHAT IS YOUR VISION FOR YOUR FUTURE? HOW DOES IT INCORPORATE YOUR FURRINESS? HOW WILL YOU DO THAT? WHAT WILL IT LOOK LIKE?

Yote>> IT'S THE SAME--

Marilyn>> OKAY, LET'S PRETEND-- LET'S PRETEND THAT THIS IS THE SAME DAY OF THE WEEK TEN YEARS FROM NOW. WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE?

Yote>> VIRTUALLY THE SAME THINGS PROBABLY. I DON'T KNOW.

Marilyn>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "VIRTUALLY THE SAME THINGS"? YOU'RE GOING TO BE SITTING IN FRONT OF THE VIDEO--

Yote>> WORK, WORK, WORK.

Marilyn>> WHAT IS YOUR WORK GOING TO BE, MICHAEL? WHAT DO YOU SEE YOURSELF AS DOING, MICHAEL? WHAT DO YOU SEE YOURSELF AS DOING?

Yote>> I DON'T KNOW.

Marilyn>> DO YOU SEE YOURSELF SERVING UP HAMBURGERS AT McDONALD'S?

Yote>> I HAVE TO GO OUT AND DO THINGS AND FIND OUT WHAT I LIKE. I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING. ALL I'VE DONE IS SCHOOL ALL MY LIFE, MOM. HOW CAN I TELL YOU WHAT I LIKE RIGHT NOW?

Marilyn>> [sighs]

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Furries are fucking intriguing. And after all the research I have done, I can honestly say that them dressing in full animal costumes for sexual pleasure is totally the least interesting thing about them.

I can admire a fetish community that is just that, a community. It makes me wonder if the Scat community has created the same sort of world for themselves, albeit a much more private one. (I feel an all-scat entry coming on. But I'm afraid doing one might catapult me into early retirement from the porn blogging business.)

Really, the world of Furries is a complicated one. I run a real risk of boring you to death with all I have learned, (especially since they have such an extensive Fur-cabulary...I did not make that up...that they have their own WikiFur), so it might be best to just get to what I found to be the truly comical side of Furry Fandom.

FURRIES HAVE THEIR OWN EBAY.

It's called FurBuy. It's pretty sparse as far as content at first glance, and extremely difficult to navigate (particularly if you have no interest in creating an account. Although I ended up making one when I saw that someone was selling a Nintendo DS for $75. But then I was looking at the DVDs for sale and the only one on there was the Robin Hood animated Disney cartoon and I went into a panic because when I was younger I thought the fox from that cartoon was hot and I was afraid that maybe I was a Furrie. Then I remembered that I don't want to have sex with anyone in a mascot uniform. I think. Eeeeek!)

But FurBuy gets really interesting once you start browsing the artwork selection. For $15 and up, you too can own any one of these VERY DISTURBING PIECES:









THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A HIPPO??



That doesn't look anything like a Hippo?!?



Nice braids...

Now, I am a little bummed because a few days ago there was a print of "Velociraptor laying eggs during intercourse" for sale, but I guess the auction ended.

Luckily, the dog penis bookmarks are still available:



1 day, 3 hours left guys!






p.s. The Pron feels justified in thinking the fox from Robin Hood was hot. His swagger was right and his game was tight!