Holiday.....! Celebrate...! Since Halloween is coming up and one of the other things I moonlight as is taking up a large chunk of my time, I have decided to post a not-so-oldie-but-goodie for you today. Once upon a time some weird Turkish guy tried to cybersex me. This is what happened: The Turk: hii Pornomine: hi The Turk: do you tell me your sex history Pornomine: i dont know, do i? Pornomine: what do you want to know The Turk: i wan to know do you do sex with men Pornomine: yes The Turk: 'start Pornomine: huh The Turk: yes The Turk: start The Turk: i will listen Pornomine: start what The Turk: for your sex history Pornomine: what The Turk: how do you do sex with men Pornomine: well i start with a non lethal poisoning Pornomine: usually with a prostitute Pornomine: then move onto sodomy The Turk: and Pornomine: spanish fly works the best, i dont care much for illegal drugs Pornomine: but it gets harder and harder to hold up the dead weight while operating a strap on The Turk: and Pornomine: occasionally i will imprison someone in a storage room ive rented Pornomine: i dont believe in safe words Pornomine: so it gets awkward Pornomine: i mean, i always go through the motions and come up with one with them, just cause i like to hear them say a funny word repeatedly Pornomine: honestly nothing gets me off more than someone screaming "bananas, bananas! BANANAS!" while I take them violently from behind Pornomine: i only use strap ons with glass dildos fashioned after a black mans penis The Turk: okay The Turk: lets do sex The Turk: with me The Turk: if you want The Turk: from online Pornomine: well its not as much fun if its consensual The Turk: can you start Pornomine: it would be better if you did The Turk: okay i catch your nipple The Turk: and touching Pornomine: i hand you the scissors and ask you to cut it off The Turk:and then i take them nacked Pornomine: now cut off yours The Turk: where Pornomine: whenever Pornomine: wherever The Turk: i make naked of my dick Pornomine: i glue a he-man action figure where your penis used to be Pornomine: i make the safeword "greyskull" The Turk: and The Turk: you start suck my dick depply Pornomine: i realize i hate the taste of plastic action figures Pornomine: it makes me gag Pornomine: i vomit on hemans arm Pornomine: it breaks off and goes down my throat Pornomine: im choking Pornomine: someone do the heimlich Pornomine: no seriously Pornomine: why arent you helping The Turk: and i start fucking your nipple Pornomine: my face turns blue and you shove that he man figure into the hole where my nipple used to be Pornomine: i cant breathe Pornomine: all of a sudden i vomit up the arm Pornomine: phew Pornomine: much better The Turk: and i am sucking your pusyy The Turk: like baby Pornomine: im wondering what baby does that Pornomine: im starting to get lightheaded from blood loss The Turk: and start fuck you on top Pornomine: which is good cause i get to lie down, plus it elevates my boob which stops the bleeding some The Turk: and i start fuck you behind like a dog Pornomine: i make chicken noises Pornomine: BOCK BOCK BOCK BOCK BOCK BOCK Pornomine: BEGOOOOOCK The Turk: and i do faster like you are in pain like some kill you The Turk: and you say Pornomine: some loose change falls out of my vagina Pornomine: ive been wondering where my bus fare was The Turk: and you are top on my body The Turk: and you jumping The Turk: too fast almost break my cock Pornomine: so much change is coming out its like a slot machine The Turk: okay The Turk:okay The Turk: enough The Turk:do real The Turk: i will open my cock Pornomine: like a book The Turk: noooooo The Turk: i mean i will make nacked The Turk:my cock in real The Turk: you say i do The Turk:okay tell me Pornomine: im offended Pornomine: i cant help it if my vagina is like a slot machine when im excited The Turk: hey you just dream cock The Turk:and tell and i do it Pornomine: i dream cock Pornomine: i have cocks in my dream catcher The Turk: i mean dream actio Pornomine: i clean it twice a week The Turk: i mean you tell action The Turk: i do in real Pornomine: i dream of action movies Pornomine: like live free: die hard Pornomine: and demolition man The Turk: tell me Pornomine: i get on top of you imagining that you are wesley snipes The Turk: what should The Turk: do Pornomine: you begin thrusting Pornomine: you are so huge it gives me the hiccups The Turk: do you understand me The Turk: i try to say The Turk: you tell me The Turk: and i will tyr on my dick Pornomine: you try on your dick but its the wrong size Pornomine: i suggest a bigger, more flattering size Pornomine: i get a sales associate Pornomine: they say they are out of that size Pornomine: we should try another store The Turk: okay The Turk: if you tell me The Turk: i will do it The Turk: in real The Turk: for my dick The Turk: it is nacked now Pornomine: i go and get the manager The Turk: where Pornomine: its so close to christmas, i dont want to have to come back The Turk: why Pornomine: because then they really wont have the right size Pornomine: and we'll have to go to the store way across town Pornomine: and i dont like that one, the parkiing there is terrible and theres no other good stores around The Turk: and Pornomine: but there is that nice movie theater Pornomine: you know, the one that we saw nights in the rodanthe at The Turk: yes Pornomine: maybe we could go there Pornomine: theres a cinnabon The Turk: yes Pornomine: i never want cinnabon but then i smell it and im like, damn i want cinnabon The Turk: okay The Turk: help about my dick Pornomine: oh yes im sorry i got distracted Pornomine: let me go find that manager Pornomine: stupid dick stores Pornomine: always understaffed The Turk: can you do The Turk: just The Turk: tell me what i should do with my hand on my dick Pornomine: we go back to the bedroom Pornomine: i get a bucket Pornomine: gather up my bus fare Pornomine: and catch the next bus home Pornomine: thanks!
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