I'll be honest, I almost pulled the plug on the ol' porno bloggo.
The whole facebook incident really got to me. I was tired of seeing really horrible things when researching material for this blog. The internet is a really disturbing place, in case you have been stuck in The Lone Wolf Tavern since 1999 and hadn't already noticed.
Also I got about 100,000 viruses and burnt out the harddrive on my laptop that I had for less than 6 months.
Anyhoo..
I managed to get a new computer, some really intense anti-everything software, and a renewed tolerance for the internet...
SO LET'S TALK ABOUT DUCK PENIS
just play that on loop while you read this.
There is this really amazing article on duck genitalia you guys should read. However, I know full well you guys are spatial learners so I will keep it short and sweet, then show you a video or two.
...In brief, Brennan wanted to understand why some ducks have such extravagant penises.Why are they cork-screw shaped? Why do they get so ridiculously long–some cases as long as the duck’s entire body? As Brennan dissected duck penises, she began to wonder what the female sexual anatomy looked like. If you have a car like this, she said, what kind of garage do you park it in?....
.... But while male duck penises twist clockwise, the female oviduct twists counterclockwise....
In mammals, the penis becomes erect as blood flows into the spongy tissue. Ducks pump lymph fluid instead. And as the fluid enters the penis, it does not simply become engorged. It flips rightside-out.
That is a duck penis becoming erect slowed down 10x. Let me repeat..
THAT IS A DUCK PENIS BECOMING ERECT SLOWED DOWN 10X OMFG MY CERVIX HURTS
...Of course, drakes don’t mate with the air. Having made this video, Brennan still needed a way to see how a duck penis actually performs its appointed task. Unable to film duck penises in a real female oviduct, she built a fake oviduct out of silcone. She then managed to get a drake to mate with it. But the overwhelming force of the explosive penis broke the fake oviduct. So Brennan turned to glass. Her new fake oviducts were strong enough to handle the drakes, and she started filming. Here’s what she saw....
In case you didn't see, in that last fake duck vag, the male ducks penis BURSTS THROUGH.
IT BURSTS THROUGH THE VAGINA
Science is fascinating and it made my lady parts ache.
Now, it's a stretch (or is it) if I let this post end by saying that this counts as porn because someone out there must jerk off to ducks. That is probably (100%) true, but just to err on the side of caution, here is some duck porn:
He puts on a condom to avoid avian flu, obviously.
I use the whole 'Raping my eyes' thing here a lot, and I thought that I meant it until now. But internet has finally conquered me.
I'm gonna go on a bit of a rant here, but The Pron is angry and needs to vent.
I hope that the current trend of shocking one note video sites ends shortly. Porn is supposed to be a parallel to society, and if you go by that logic then the ratio is this:
2girls1cup is to all TV being reality TV during the WGA strike:ShakeThatBear is to America finally airing executions on television
A women shoots a bear out of a tree Once the bear falls, the woman and another man proceed to have sex on the bear Apparently during this video the man tells the woman repeatedly to "Shake that bear.." They finish, the woman has some whiskey and the dogs drag the bear away.
Below are some screencaps of this ridiculousness:
Now, I would recommend watching this video about as much as I would recommend relying on Perez Hilton for real news. But the sad part is that many people DO rely on him for news, and just as many people are going to watch this video. I realize that by posting this I have only piqued your curiosity and that no matter what negative things I have to say about this video it will continue to exist.
That being said, I just want to convey this message to you:
I've watched 2 Girls 1 Cup about 20 times now without ever flinching. I've posted about necrophilia, I've seen (and won't post) rape videos that were probably real, and I've seen videos involving animals that weren't cruel but probably aren't legal in any way.. all this without more than an OMG! reaction.
But Shake That Bear was horrible the moment the bear was hit the first time. After the first shot he starts crying out in pain. From that point on, the video isn't shockingly amusing. It's not even shocking. Humans being horrible to animals should no longer be a shock to anyone, particularly anyone with access to the internet. Nope, this video is just sad. So terribly sad.
And it's only going to get worse, what with the mass popularity of 2girls1cup. There is always going to be a race to see who is more over the top, and now the stakes are higher than ever.
Porn is a reflection on society, and what I see in the mirror sucks.
We've talked about them once or twice in the past. But did you know they have an 'accessories' line? And I'm not talking about dress-up clothes and a Barbie Mansion.
Booby Balls
These are supposed to be stress relievers, but the idea of seeing any one of my coworkers sitting at their desk squeezing the shit out of one of those is breaking me out in hives.
Male Flat Back Torso
Real Doll Lingerie Bust
This one didn't have a name so I'll call it: Real Doll Creepy Pelvic Region
I'm begging someone to explain to me the appeal of having sex with just pieces of a person. I'm not judging here, I just don't get it. I can't imagine just sitting there with my Lingerie Bust staring at me with those creepy eyes and lack of lower body and arms and being turned on. I understand that there isn't always someone else there to have sex with when you want, and that this is safer than Craiglist Casual Encounters. I get that. I also understand that Real Dolls are expensive, which is why you might only want to purchase the important parts.
But isn't the majority of the appeal of the nude human form in the context of the entire package? Look at those boobies on this blog's header... those actually belong to a very attractive lady I found while perusing the interwebz for subject matter. Look at them now out of context...they're a little gross now, aren't they? Not so appealing.
Although, on second thought, perhaps it is LESS weird to desire human parts than to end up busting out a bright purple dildo or a Hello Kitty vibrator.
Maybe this:
isn't so strange after all.
What IS weird though, is making a your own doll out of cloth and taking a million photos of it and putting on the internet:
The Pron: I've got 3 words for you The Pron: Care The Pron: Bear The Pron: Porn Friend: OH Friend: MY Friend: GOD Friend: That is my 3 word response
The Pron: I've got 3 words for you The Pron: Care The Pron: Bear The Pron: Porn Other Friend: :( Other Friend: :( Other Friend: :( Other Friend: That is my 3 emoticon response
Yes, that's how excited everyone was for the Care Bear Porn I found. Described as, "the single hottest sex tape ever, the most controversial video you'll ever see. Taken while on marathon coke binge watch Cheer Bear fuck this chick up the ass until she cums hard, then this little blonde teen slut cleans off his cock with her mouth. This was just too nasty for the 80's!", I imagined I was about to view Porno Bloggo greatness.
Ok, I'm about to post about necrophilia and I can't get past this:
Yep, I'm clicking and I'm taking you with me.
My coworker Tyler, through a random series of events involving stick figures (don't ask) had the idea that I should post about necrophilia. At the risk of going too far, I agreed.
I figured that Necrophilia's presence on the web would be hard to come by and secretive, like child porn. You know, where you CAN find it if you try hard enough but I'm not trying that hard to watch someone fuck a dead body...and for the most part I'm right. But Necrophilia is fortunate to share it's audience with a far more acceptable (read: less disturbing) niche: Sleepy Sex.
Sleepy Sex is pretty self-explanatory: Sexual acts with a (presumably) unsuspecting sleeping person. It's like really non-aggressive rape. But Sleepy Sex for the most part keeps itself defined seperately from the nightvision videos you see of drunk college girls passed out with like 50 frat boys fucking them. Cause THAT'S rape.
Sleepy Sex videos always almost end with the sleeper waking up delighted to be in whatever situation they've found themselves in...which is more often than not something involving their feet:
Who sleeps in Stripper Heels? And crotchless pants? Did stripper heels really deserve to be capitalized? And why didn't crotchless pants get capitalized, as they are clearly more innovative and I'm 100% sure they're more comfortable??
Anyway, after Tyler's (possibly genius) suggestion, I set out to see how much Necrophilia I could find online. That sentence alone is going to send my mother to her grave for sure...no pun intended.
Well Readers, it took about two seconds to find "Rob's Necrophilia Fantasy."
And now we can begin this journey together, through Rob's Fantasy...which may very well end up being our collective nightmare, readers. I apologize in advance.
After clicking on the girl in the casket a demographic survey comes up. My first thought was, "This better not ask me how old I am and if I have any fatal diseases.." but really, the survey is very innocent. Rob just wants to know how you got here and why you're here, and the whole thing feels almost like a clinical research study:
Question #3 - Why are you here? (select the best response) I arrived by accident and have no particular interest; just curious.
I am doing a research paper or background for an article or book or investigation.
I'm just curious. I wanted more information for general knowledge.
I'm just curious. I have feelings along the lines of sleepysex.
I'm just curious. I have feelings along the lines of necrophilia.
I'm just curious. Someone I know has feelings of sleepysex.
I'm just curious. Someone I know has feelings of necrophilia.
lol someone I know has feelings of sleepysex.
I opted to skip the survey, just because I was too anxious to see what lay beyond it in Rob's Fantasy. The next page is a welcome page, complete with a quote from Socrates, (who is dead...just an FYI for all you necrophiliacs out there. Ok ok, I promise, no more bad necro jokes!)
I think it would be best to let Rob take over momentarily:
In my wanderings around the Internet I have met many people who have had very serious concerns about their feelings of death and sexuality. Many think they are perverts... some think they are in need of mental help... and some have even gone so far as to consider suicide... all because of not simply understanding their own feelings. Consider these recent contacts I've had...
*A young female teacher wrote telling me about her feelings about imagining herself dead and being ravished sexually. *A middle-aged lawyer, married-with-kids, told me about his many years of guilt in having the sexual urge to make love to his wife while she was totally unconscious. *A doctor revealed to me his guilt over having had real life sex with a dead female... and did that make him a necrophiliac? *A female teen (I get many teens writing to me... and not necessarily for necro interests) wrote to me thinking she might have a mental illness because of her fantasies of the love of her life making love to her unconscious body. * A cop from New York who wants to share his necro feelings with his wife but is afraid. *A 19 year old coed from Virginia feeling guilt over having thoughts about wanting to make love to dead males. * A 25 year old secretary from Los Angeles who's boyfriend recently died in an accident and writes that she is having feelings of wishing she could make love one last time to his body... and did those feelings make her "nuts"? *A 33 year old corporate executive from Canada who was abused as a child, suffering from manic depression as a result, and has sexual feelings of being found dead and sexually used. *A gay male government employee from Des Moines fighting his urges to want to have sex with dead men.
The list goes on... and if you fall into any of these categories or another one totally different, you are most assuredly NOT alone. The point to remember is that while you're feelings are unique to yourself, they are not unique to the world.
The way Rob writes could make me feel good about anything! Seriously!
From this point there is a table of contents. There are several articles outlining how to deal with your blossoming love for the dead and/or the sleeping. But in order to keep this entry from becoming less like a funny Porno Mine read and more like a thesis paper, I think we'll skip ahead to:
THIS REALLY FUCKING CREEPY IM EXCHANGE ABOUT A GUY FUCKING HIS DEAD WIFE
NOTE FROM THE PRON: THIS IS LONG SO I WENT AHEAD AND BOLDED THE...GOOD? BAD? HORRIFYING? PARTS FOR THE TL;DR CROWD. MY COMMENTARY WILL BE IN ITALICS NEXT TO THE BOLDED STUFF. THIS IS RIDIC!!!
tom_tormented (2:43:26 PM): Unfortunately, my wife died suddenly on May the 25th of this year. Her pictures when alive are in my profile...and in my profiles "photo" folder as well. Take a moment to look. shadowmn (2:43:49 PM): Oh I am so so sorry... how did she die? tom_tormented (2:45:06 PM): Sorry, my son came in the room and started talking to me... tom_tormented (2:45:11 PM): I'm back. tom_tormented (2:45:23 PM): Well, the cause has yet to be "officially" determined.THIS GUY'S USE OF QUOTATIONS IS GONNA MAKE YOU PULL YOUR HAIR OUT BY THE END OF THIS tom_tormented (2:45:35 PM): However, the initial thought is that it was a blood clot to the brain.THAT'S QUITE A DIAGNOSIS FOR A FIRST-TIMER tom_tormented (2:45:40 PM): It was almost instant. shadowmn (2:45:45 PM): jeezz.. I am so sorry, friend. tom_tormented (2:46:05 PM): She smiled at me...her pupils dilated...her head fell back and she took four breaths and was gone. tom_tormented (2:46:10 PM): Did you see her pics yet? shadowmn (2:46:15 PM): yes Note: Being a sexually expressive couple, the pics he refers to here were of her in some sexually provocative positions as they enjoyed sharing these to the world.ROB TYPED THAT NOT ME. OBVIOUSLY, CAUSE I WOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE: OMFG THEN THEY SHOWED ME PICTURES OF THEM DOING IT EW! tom_tormented (2:46:27 PM): It was fast...and from what I have been told...painless. tom_tormented (2:46:35 PM): She was gone instantly. tom_tormented (2:46:54 PM): We had been married for 14 years. shadowmn (2:46:54 PM): Such a tragic loss shadowmn (2:47:14 PM): Where are you from? tom_tormented (2:47:20 PM): MS tom_tormented (2:47:31 PM): Eastern, MS... shadowmn (2:47:33 PM): ah ok.. Illinois, recently in AZ at the moment tom_tormented (2:47:49 PM): Ok, cool. shadowmn (2:47:51 PM): I am so sorry.. truly. tom_tormented (2:48:04 PM): Yea, it's tough...I am a single dad with 3 kids now. shadowmn (2:48:16 PM): Please tell me you made last love to her somehow. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I SAY TO SOMEONE WHO HAS LOST A LOVED ONE tom_tormented (2:48:28 PM): Yes, at home. shadowmn (2:48:48 PM): You didn't call the paramedics right away? tom_tormented (2:49:07 PM): I did...but where we live is very far out...I knew that I have almost 20 minutes with her. shadowmn (2:49:20 PM): May I ask what you did with herOH GOD... tom_tormented (2:50:03 PM): Yes, we always sleep in the nude...so, she was already naked. We were going to bed and she was reading her latest Stephen King novel. tom_tormented (2:50:21 PM): She would read every night before turning off the light on her side of the bed. shadowmn (2:50:36 PM): ok tom_tormented (2:50:37 PM): This night, she looked at me and said "huh, that's funny?" tom_tormented (2:50:41 PM): And I said "What?" tom_tormented (2:50:56 PM): She said, "my cheek just went numb." shadowmn (2:51:04 PM): ohh tom_tormented (2:51:04 PM): I looked at her and she smiled. tom_tormented (2:51:23 PM): Then she said "maybe it's a tooth thing. I need to see a dentist." tom_tormented (2:51:27 PM): She went back to reading. tom_tormented (2:51:40 PM): Then she said, "Wow, my fingers are tingling." tom_tormented (2:51:43 PM): It was her left hand. shadowmn (2:52:00 PM): ah.. a stroke huh tom_tormented (2:52:03 PM): Then, she started to sweat. I got up and went to get her some wet towels to put on her head. tom_tormented (2:52:29 PM): By the time I came back she was on her back. Just staring up. tom_tormented (2:52:39 PM): I asked her if she was "OK" and she smiled. tom_tormented (2:52:55 PM): She said, "I'll be fine" and then immediately gritted her teeth. tom_tormented (2:53:06 PM): Her pupils opened all the way and the brown of her eyes dissapeard. tom_tormented (2:53:32 PM): Her eyes were solid black...her head went back (as if having an orgasm) and she took four breaths. tom_tormented (2:53:39 PM): Then, she was dead. shadowmn (2:53:50 PM): how tragic.. tom_tormented (2:54:02 PM): She was 41 years old tom_tormented (2:54:06 PM): Perfect health. shadowmn (2:54:12 PM): go figure tom_tormented (2:54:31 PM): So, I called 911 and decided to wait. tom_tormented (2:55:07 PM): Sorry...son walked in again... shadowmn (2:55:10 PM): np tom_tormented (2:56:04 PM): So, basically, she was there...naked on the bed...and I was crying like a baby. It started with me kissing her forehead...caressing her breasts and kissing her lips. Most of the time I was saying "my God Kate...why did this happen!" shadowmn (2:56:21 PM): I can only imagine tom_tormented (2:56:31 PM): It was very intimate. Hard to explain really....pure emotion. tom_tormented (2:56:59 PM): At this time, somewhere deep in my brain...I realized that I would never have the opportunity to make love to her again.I DON'T LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING.... shadowmn (2:57:05 PM): yeah tom_tormented (2:57:27 PM): Knowing how long the medics would take, and the fact that she was totally naked and they would never know "what" she was doing when she died...I decided to make love to her. tom_tormented (2:58:01 PM): I spread her legs. Got some "astroglide" out of our "toy" drawer and lubricated myself. shadowmn (2:58:10 PM): You experienced a rare intimacy few ever experience with a loved one who died tom_tormented (2:58:34 PM): Then I slowly inserted into her (crying the whole time) and began to move. shadowmn (2:58:38 PM): ok shadowmn (2:58:44 PM): You said you had to lube yourself up before entering her.. was that cause you are large or more simply for feeling enhancement? tom_tormented (3:58:55 PM): She was very dry and I am about 8 inches. tom_tormented (2:59:04 PM): It was odd, because she was so still. She was a very responsive lover and her vaginal muscles were "milking" muscles...that sensation was missing. tom_tormented (2:59:09 PM): She was actually very loose. shadowmn (2:59:23 PM): yeah, I bet...YEAH I BET. SHADOWMN KNOWS ALL ABOUT THE VAG GOING ALL LOOSEY-GOOSEY AFTER ITS OWNER DIES... tom_tormented (2:59:28 PM): Also, while I was doing her she pissed a little. shadowmn (2:59:47 PM): that's normal.. tom_tormented (2:59:57 PM): I kept kissing her...sucking her breasts and pumping. All I could think about was that this was the last time I would ever cum in her. shadowmn (3:00:14 PM): smart guyIS HE BEING SARCASTIC? tom_tormented (3:00:41 PM): So, about 10 minutes passed and I began to worry if the medics would use the siren or just pull up and knock. tom_tormented (3:01:01 PM): I also noticed that there was some skin color change where I was touching her. tom_tormented (3:01:42 PM): The back of her neck was starting to get darker (purple in color) and it was as if all her blood was rushing to her back. shadowmn (3:01:50 PM): yes tom_tormented (3:01:56 PM): I could even notice that she was getting cooler. tom_tormented (3:02:07 PM): Not much...but some. tom_tormented (3:02:15 PM): Enough to tell. shadowmn (3:02:20 PM): yeah tom_tormented (3:02:48 PM): So, I hurried up and had an intense orgasm inside her. shadowmn (3:02:57 PM): good tom_tormented (3:03:21 PM): I pulled out and she started to drip. So I got a T-shirt of hers and wiped her off on the outside. shadowmn (3:03:33 PM): Think of taking any pics? tom_tormented (3:03:49 PM): Yes. shadowmn (3:04:00 PM): good man. you can always remember her that way shadowmn (3:04:11 PM): your last time together tom_tormented (3:04:15 PM): Yes. tom_tormented (3:04:34 PM): Luckily, she loved the camera in life...I have over 3000 pics of her nude or during sex. tom_tormented (3:04:39 PM): So, it seemed fitting.OK, FOR THE RECORD: NO MATTER HOW MUCH I LOVE THE CAMERA IN LIFE, I AM NOT GOING TO LOVE IT IN DEATH. ESPECIALLY IF I'M NAKED AND YOU JUST FUCKED MY DEAD BODY. shadowmn (3:04:44 PM): yeah shadowmn (3:05:24 PM): My real name is ____.. "Rob" is a pen name for the site tom_tormented (3:05:33 PM): Ok, cool. tom_tormented (3:05:35 PM): I am Tom. shadowmn (3:05:51 PM): Nice to meet you, Tom.. yet sad at the reason. tom_tormented (3:06:16 PM): Yes, I am still pretty broken up about it. It was my research on embalming that led me to your site. shadowmn (3:06:32 PM): I imagine the assholes did an autopsy on her? tom_tormented (3:06:39 PM): 3 shadowmn (3:06:42 PM): pricks tom_tormented (3:06:52 PM): Yea, she was an organ donor too. tom_tormented (3:07:03 PM): 6 people got parts of her. shadowmn (3:07:13 PM): Well, that is good. But sad they slice her pristine body all up. tom_tormented (3:07:25 PM): Yes, very true. Hard to think about at times. shadowmn (3:07:49 PM): Maybe at least a little of you is resting inside her. tom_tormented (3:08:23 PM): Yes, I am sure. tom_tormented (3:09:17 PM): When I was done...I put her hands on her chest and took a few pictures. shadowmn (3:09:26 PM): Thanks for sharing your story. Actually.. it's a main basis for my site. Necro laws sucks.. and family members should be allowed to do what they wish with their loved ones. tom_tormented (3:09:50 PM): Would you like to see a picture of her from after? shadowmn (3:10:22 PM): If you would like to share in the moment and let me see a couple pics I'd be honored.. but rest assured I don't post this stuff nor hand it around. I'd loose my credibility if I did that tom_tormented (3:10:40 PM): Ok, well, I blurred her face for safety anyway. shadowmn (3:10:45 PM): ok tom_tormented (3:10:55 PM): I will also share one of her in her coffin...if you wish. shadowmn (3:11:01 PM): yes.. thanks tom_tormented (3:12:10 PM): I took her wedding ring off in these pics...so she can't be identified by it. tom_tormented (3:12:57 PM): Did the 1st pic come through? shadowmn (3:13:00 PM): yes shadowmn (3:13:22 PM): she's very attractive tom_tormented (3:13:38 PM): Thanks. shadowmn (3:13:51 PM): I am so so sorry Tom tom_tormented (3:13:59 PM): Thanks again. tom_tormented (3:37:56 PM): Well, before the medics arrived...I shaved her pussy and kept all the hair. shadowmn (3:38:03 PM): good man shadowmn (4:16:18 PM): Interesting visual one can muster up with that image after you did her when she died. tom_tormented (4:16:59 PM): I really rammed hard because she was so loose. shadowmn (4:17:23 PM): I'm sure she would have orgasmed good tom_tormented (4:17:40 PM): The problem was that she kept sliding up the bed...and her head would start to hit the headboard...then I would have to stop and grab her ankles and pull her back down...it was odd. shadowmn (4:17:52 PM): yeah shadowmn (4:18:05 PM): She was large breasted.. tom_tormented (4:18:28 PM): Yea, but I held on to them or was on her most of the time. shadowmn (4:18:35 PM): good tom_tormented (4:18:55 PM): When the paramedics arrived, she was still naked on the bed. tom_tormented (4:19:02 PM): It was two young guys. shadowmn (4:19:13 PM): was she still dripping at that time? tom_tormented (4:19:26 PM): Not until they picked her up and moved her to the gurney. tom_tormented (4:19:31 PM): Then she gushed a little. shadowmn (4:19:38 PM): kinda obvious then tom_tormented (4:19:41 PM): The guy on the foot end was a little shaken. shadowmn (4:20:05 PM): why tom_tormented (4:20:17 PM): Seeing the cum come out of her...he looked a bit shocked. shadowmn (4:20:21 PM): ohh hehe tom_tormented (4:20:42 PM): I told them that we were fucking when she died. shadowmn (4:20:56 PM): I bet that got him going too tom_tormented (4:21:07 PM): I guess. LOL. tom_tormented (4:21:29 PM): I do wonder about that medic.THE PRON HAS BEEN RENDERED SPEECHLESS...TYPELESS..WHATEVER. tom_tormented (4:22:10 PM): She was totally gone...no more that could be done. They put her in the ambulance and one of the medics rode in the back with her to the hospital. Why? What is the point if she was dead? tom_tormented (4:22:24 PM): Made me wonder. tom_tormented (4:42:47 PM): So, I know this is a touchy issue...but do many of the people you talk to have a "faith" of some kind...or does it take someone who isn't religious to enjoy the dead. shadowmn (4:44:29 PM): Oh.. people are all over the chart when it comes to sex with the dead and morality. Even in my own situation.. fantasy.. I am never 'fucking' the dead.. but making love with them.. it's a spiritual thing for me in a way. Not religious though. But even those who 'lust' for the dead can be religious if they hold to the idea that the soul leaves the body with the last breath.. and after that it's just an empty vessl. shadowmn (4:44:54 PM): Hell, the Bible says that much tom_tormented (4:45:06 PM): Well, I can be honest there...my wife was GONE the moment she died. shadowmn (4:45:35 PM): Then who/what did you make love to? tom_tormented (4:46:01 PM): To her body. To what I had left. Her spirit...her soul...was gone. shadowmn (4:46:17 PM): Did you 'fuck' her remains or make love? tom_tormented (4:46:27 PM): Made love to them...that was all I had. shadowmn (4:46:41 PM): Then you have nothing to regret. tom_tormented (4:46:46 PM): But I knew Lyn was gone. shadowmn (4:46:49 PM): Are you feeling guilt? tom_tormented (4:46:51 PM): Nope. shadowmn (4:46:55 PM): good shadowmn (4:47:15 PM): If you had more time would you have made more love with her body? tom_tormented (4:47:41 PM): I don't think so...I truly feel it would have cheapened the experience. shadowmn (4:48:06 PM): I can see both sides.. but you did what you felt was right and that's all thats imoortant tom_tormented (4:48:32 PM): For a brief moment I thought about eating her...but the libricant (and the fact she was leaking piss) really prevented that. shadowmn (4:55:01 PM): I'm sorry for your loss, Tom. tom_tormented (4:55:13 PM): Thank you. tom_tormented (4:55:23 PM): It was nice talking to you. shadowmn (4:55:31 PM): was nice talking to you too. shadowmn (4:55:42 PM): what do you do for a living tom_tormented (4:56:09 PM): I work for a large electronics chain. tom_tormented (4:56:19 PM): My wife was a newspaper editor. shadowmn (4:58:08 PM): Had sex with anyone since? tom_tormented (4:58:21 PM): Nope.COUPLE THINGS: 1. SHADOWMN'S LINE OF QUESTIONING IS SO ODD.. "SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS, WHERE DO YOU WORK?" 2. I'M GLAD THAT HE WAS TOO GOOD TO GO DOWN ON HIS WIFE CAUSE SHE HAD PEED A LITTLE BUT NOT TOO GOOD TO FUCK HER WHILE SHE WAS DEAD...I'M JUST SAYIN.. shadowmn (4:58:26 PM): didn't think so. tom_tormented (4:58:27 PM): No rebounds. tom_tormented (4:58:45 PM): But, there is someone special who may...in the future...be there for me tom_tormented (4:58:48 PM): Only time will tell. shadowmn (4:58:52 PM): good shadowmn (4:59:51 PM): I need to break away for a few Tom.. I'll be sitting online here but in the background for a while. I'd enjoy chatting later if you wish. tom_tormented (5:00:15 PM): No problem...talk to you later. Bye. shadowmn (5:00:19 PM): adios for now.
Ok, I'm sure you need a moment to recover from that too...so let's take a moment.
Alright, I'm feeling a little better, although I feel that my shower water will never quite be hot enough to make me ever feel clean after having read that.
But I do want to throw in my two cents here:
Rob says a lot on his website about how Necro laws should allow family members to do as they please with their loved one's bodies. As someone who took more than a class or two on the subject, (try two years of mortuary science schooling), I can say that in part I agree with that. I believe that if my husband wishes to be buried in the backyard, or cremated and have his ashes put in a flagpole, than he should be granted that wish. But non consensual sex is still rape, whether you were married and dead or strangers and alive. So unless it is indicated in that person's last will and testament, sex with the dead should be off limits.
Lest you think the Pron has gotten all moral on you, let me remind you, I think fetishes are healthy and awesome...and there are plenty of living people willing to play dead and have sex with you. Or you could get a real doll.
Or you could stick a dead octopus in your vagina:
There's a video of that happening, so I can verify that's what happened, but the site it's on is so virus-inducing and pop-up crazy that I'll spare you.
DISCLAIMER: I want to take a moment out now to say that I don't intend on making fun of Furries as a whole. As with any fetish, there are bits and pieces of it that are hilarious and that's exactly what I am going to focus on here with furries.
In fact, I would like to also provide this link to a transcipt of the old MTV show Sex2k that introduced me to Furries. It's amazingly interesting and educational:
http://pressedfur.coolfreepages.com/press/sex2k/
I won't lie, there's a whole lot of that transcript that's hilarious too. Like the whole conversation the guy has with his mom.
Marilyn>> OKAY, SO TELL ME, WHAT IS YOUR VISION FOR YOUR FUTURE? HOW DOES IT INCORPORATE YOUR FURRINESS? HOW WILL YOU DO THAT? WHAT WILL IT LOOK LIKE?
Yote>> IT'S THE SAME--
Marilyn>> OKAY, LET'S PRETEND-- LET'S PRETEND THAT THIS IS THE SAME DAY OF THE WEEK TEN YEARS FROM NOW. WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE?
Yote>> VIRTUALLY THE SAME THINGS PROBABLY. I DON'T KNOW.
Marilyn>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "VIRTUALLY THE SAME THINGS"? YOU'RE GOING TO BE SITTING IN FRONT OF THE VIDEO--
Yote>> WORK, WORK, WORK.
Marilyn>> WHAT IS YOUR WORK GOING TO BE, MICHAEL? WHAT DO YOU SEE YOURSELF AS DOING, MICHAEL? WHAT DO YOU SEE YOURSELF AS DOING?
Yote>> I DON'T KNOW.
Marilyn>> DO YOU SEE YOURSELF SERVING UP HAMBURGERS AT McDONALD'S?
Yote>> I HAVE TO GO OUT AND DO THINGS AND FIND OUT WHAT I LIKE. I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING. ALL I'VE DONE IS SCHOOL ALL MY LIFE, MOM. HOW CAN I TELL YOU WHAT I LIKE RIGHT NOW?
Furries are fucking intriguing. And after all the research I have done, I can honestly say that them dressing in full animal costumes for sexual pleasure is totally the least interesting thing about them.
I can admire a fetish community that is just that, a community. It makes me wonder if the Scat community has created the same sort of world for themselves, albeit a much more private one. (I feel an all-scat entry coming on. But I'm afraid doing one might catapult me into early retirement from the porn blogging business.)
Really, the world of Furries is a complicated one. I run a real risk of boring you to death with all I have learned, (especially since they have such an extensive Fur-cabulary...I did not make that up...that they have their own WikiFur), so it might be best to just get to what I found to be the truly comical side of Furry Fandom.
FURRIES HAVE THEIR OWN EBAY.
It's called FurBuy. It's pretty sparse as far as content at first glance, and extremely difficult to navigate (particularly if you have no interest in creating an account. Although I ended up making one when I saw that someone was selling a Nintendo DS for $75. But then I was looking at the DVDs for sale and the only one on there was the Robin Hood animated Disney cartoon and I went into a panic because when I was younger I thought the fox from that cartoon was hot and I was afraid that maybe I was a Furrie. Then I remembered that I don't want to have sex with anyone in a mascot uniform. I think. Eeeeek!)
But FurBuy gets really interesting once you start browsing the artwork selection. For $15 and up, you too can own any one of these VERY DISTURBING PIECES:
THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A HIPPO??
That doesn't look anything like a Hippo?!?
Nice braids...
Now, I am a little bummed because a few days ago there was a print of "Velociraptor laying eggs during intercourse" for sale, but I guess the auction ended.
Luckily, the dog penis bookmarks are still available:
1 day, 3 hours left guys!
p.s. The Pron feels justified in thinking the fox from Robin Hood was hot. His swagger was right and his game was tight!
Sometimes the jokes write themselves. And since I'm smart enough to know when something is just really funny on its own, I present you a series of Teddy Bear Pornos.
Enjoy:
Turn up the audio at about 45 seconds for some of the best intercourse groaning ever!
This video was tagged by it's maker: a little bear back, lol
This is technically a tiger, but still.
Now, the embed code for this last one is all fucked up. But seriously, it's worth verifying your age for:
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