HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Holiday....



Celebrate....



If we took a holiday...



Took some time to celebrate...



Just one day out of life....



It would be...



It would be so nice....

See you in 2010

Cummunion

Whether you believe in life on other planets or not, people seem to agree on one thing:

When Aliens finally arrive on Earth, they are going to fuck our brains out.

There is apparently nothing more to be gained from the human race than vagina. Well, that's how most humans feel too, so there may be some truth to that.

The cool thing about Aliens is that no matter what their genitals are like, they are completely adaptable to the human vagina.  And vice versa!

"He placed his cock deep inside her, resting against her cervix and then, he pushed hard.  His dick went completely out of view, well inside her womb and eliciting a loud groan from the female as she felt the big phallus burying deep within her belly"

Another interesting thing about Alien and human anatomy is that when n Alien ejaculates, it is so powerful that it easily shoots out of the human mouth, yet causes them no harm.  And it tastes good too!

 

"Carol was so overthrown (?) by the delicious taste that she didn't notice a silent creature, a flagora, moving behind her"

Boys, don't fret, not all Aliens are straight:

The best way to prepare yourself for your inevitable Alien rape, is to get yourself used to the idea of inter-planetary fucking, like so:

Ladies, don't worry, we have you covered too, as demonstrated by this gentleman:

Okay yeah, I'm not 100% that's an alien on that dildo but... OH MY GOD DID HE JUST PEE???

(btw I read the comments on that last video and this one made me lol: "I'VE SEEN ALL OF YOUR VIDEO!!! why u dont cum? why you just pee? have you experienced cumming or what?" Why cum when you can just pee?  Although I worry about him pissing so close to the camera.)

I think with education, a bit of luck, and a lot of vaginal stretching, you too can find yourself in a loving relationship with an alien who will probably perforate your uterus until you bleed to death and die.

Awwww.....

TOMORROW ON THIS LIL PORNO MINE:

Monster Vore - The funniest bloopers are right here

SEXY.

LOL

I'm sorry about earlier, with the Smegma and everything.

Let's be friends again. Here, have this lulzy 'shop of Scott Speedman, George Clooney, and James France as a peace offering:

:D

TOMORROW ON THIS LIL PORNO MINE

See you then.

Regret

I want you guys to know that I recently began going to therapy. Hopefully through hard work and dedication, my brain will begin to understand the difference between "interesting" and "vomit-inducing."

Until then, we have....

SMEGMA POST.

I am hoping after that video (which was titled, "My Smelly Cheesy Dick") you are all aware of what Smegma is.  Actually, I am hoping that anyone reading this who has ever or might ever come into contact with someone else's genitals knows what Smegma is. 

Here is the definition, for all you virgins (good lord, why are you reading this blog) and blissfully ignorant folks out there:

Smegma (Greek smēgma, "soap")^[1] is a combination of exfoliated (shed) epithelial cells, transudated skin oils, and moisture. It occurs in both male and female genitalia. In males, smegma helps keep the glans moist and facilitates sexual intercourse by acting as a lubricant.

That sounds all fine and dandy, but Smegma plays a more... graphic ... role in the land of sex.  See, if you don't wash often enough, Smegma can build up and give off an odor.  I don't think I need to explain what the smell of exfoliated cells and skin oils from unwashed genitals would smell like, for I feel the horror of that sentence should be enough to get your olfactory imaginations going.

And of course, people like this.

"The true scent of a man can be found only under his foreskin.."

Fuck you, world,  Where is your God now? Ugh.

They also like to...eat..Smegma.

WARNING: BEFORE YOU PRESS "PLAY" ON THE FOLLOWING VIDEO, KEEP IN MIND THAT IT ACTUALLY MADE ME GAG. ME... AND YOU'VE SEEN THE KIND OF SHIT I'VE SAT THROUGH MULTIPLE TIMES AND BEEN FINE.  JUST A WARNING.

There is also this darling narrative of a day spent with Smegma:

I screamed NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO at the screen during that whole video.  Everything that man knows is wrong.

This one is called "Cheese in the Park"



I'm only posting it because that is how awesome Smegma is to some people.  They wake up, four days unshowered and counting, look down at their crime against society covered penis and head over to the park to take a video of the biohazard contained in their pants.  To each their own and all, but..yuck.

Oh, Ladies, you get Smegma too, according to science.  You just don't make any videos about it.  For this, I thank you.

L.A. Zombie.

So Bruce La Bruce is making a gay porn called L.A. Zombie.

THIS SHOULD MAKE ME SQUEE WITH HAPPINESS.

But it isn't.

First, let me show you the trailer:



This movie pisses me off in a couple of ways.

For one, WUT???  What the hell is this movie about?  I know I just saw a safe for work trailer but it's a trailer and is supposed to entice me to watch the finish product.

Here's what I gather:

Weird green man with white scalp (note: star Francois Sagat actually has a tattooed fade hairstyle on his head.  I don't know why this means that his "hair" should be white, maybe someone can explain this to me.  Actually, if the makeup person from this movie would like to email me at pornomine@gmail.com and explain WHY THE FUCK HE IS COLORED LIKE A BEAUTIFUL PEACOCK that would be awesome.  Have you ever even seen a dead body before? ) comes out of the ocean.  Presumably dead.  With weird werewolf teeth.  Then he ends up on the back of a truck. For what seems like an eternity.  But then he also hitches a ride with someone else, and I think he kills them. He then gets some coffee.. cause zombies LOVE coffee. He steals clothes, even though he is clothed.  Socks especially.  His undead feet were cold? Then he spends a lot of time in the flood control river bed.  And two ska kids fight and one gets shot and drops money.  Then he goes to Skid Row and sorts through a shopping cart. (Yes, I noticed he passed over that perfectly good Super Nintendo) Then he isn't a zombie sometimes because he is no longer a fucking rainbow of blues, but still sticks his hand in a wound and drags a body away.  Then, his teeth take over his face.

I DON'T FUCKING GET IT.

I tried going to the website for a plot synopsis, and all I got was the following statement from Mr. Bruce La Bruce:

"....zombie porn is the wave of the future....Zombie porn is practical because you can create your own orifice..."

Yeah, ok, that would be true and really original and clever if IT HADN'T ALREADY BEEN DONE.  And done better, might I add.

Cause Re-Penetrator was made like 2 YEARS AGO:

RE-PENETRATOR TRAILLER @ Yahoo! Video

And then there was also Porn Of The Dead:

See what they did there?  They didn't just randomly paint someone blue and call it a day.  THEY ACTUALLY MADE ZOMBIES.  Also, both of these movies are more than a year old.  Zombie porn, like zombies, won't ever really go away but the idea has peaked.  Do you want to know where Zombie porn is now, Mr. La Bruce?  Want to know where this "wave of the future" actually ended up?

This guy taking a shower:



I don't hate to say it, his makeup is waaaaay better than that L.A. Zombie peacock bullshit.




p.s. Later today I will dedicate an entire post to Britney Spears porn!  Yay!

FUCK YEAH BEAR FORCE ONE!

This isn't porn but HOLY CHRIST THIS IS AMAZING.



FUCK YEAH BEAR FORCE ONE!

They have a Christmas video too:




Also, I just want to take this opportunity to tell you that it's ok if you guys leave comments. We are all friends here :)

Count Cockula

Vampires are so hot right now.

So hot that it makes you want to stick your dick into a rubber tube with fangs, right?

I thought so.

Vampires are so hot right now you just want to fuck a vampire cape while wearing a vampire cape, right?



Vampires are so hot right now that you made a four part stop motion animation series of your goth doll biting your dick, right?



Vampires are so hot right now that you actually went out a made the world's first (and pretty decent looking) Vampire Twink TrueBlood parody porno, right?



Vampires are so hot right now that you made a really shitty vampire movie of your own where you didn't even bother to spell "seduced" right and just wore fangs while some girl licked your boobies and then tried to be funny by feasting on cum rather than blood, right?



Ugh. WRONG

Festive!

I...


I just needed you guys to see that.

AFK Porn: Batdude and Throbin

I am starting a new thing here at This Lil Porno Mine called: AFK Porn (Away From Keyboard Porn) and it's porn that I brought into my home and forced my friends and family to endure along with me.

What better porn for the first installment than BATDUDE AND THROBIN.

Whatever expectations you have looking at that cover, just forget them now.  It's much worse than you could ever imagine.

Think about it, the Batman and Robin franchise is full of innuendo and potential for a hilarious gay porn.  And if they had put more effort into it, Batdude and Throbin could've been amazing.  Honestly, by the end I just wanted to send the DVD back to the producers with "APPLY YOURSELF" written on it in red Sharpie.

Take, for instance, the theme song, characters, and plot line:



Understandably there were probably a lot of copyright issues they had to avoid, so I won't mock the costuming.  I am pretty sure that the voiceover you heard was all the plot outlining they did for this movie.

The plot is as follows... bear with me.

Batdude and Throbin are the heroes of a city that may be called Sin City.  There are villians, like the Peeper (who I think is supposed to be the Penguin.  I have no idea why he is a presumably Latin boy with a horrifying accent that you will be subjected to later), The Poker, and the French Tickler.

Commissioner Gomorrah has set forth what is only described as "free sex laws" and being villans, you would think that The Peeper, The French Tickler, and The Poker are sexual oppressors and Batdude and Throbin are out to liberate the sexually oppressed... but the only crimes in the movie are the French Tickler abducting and having sex with someone, and The Peeper watching through a window.

But I am getting ahead of myself.  You need to see the Batmobile:



Yeeeeeaaaaaahhh.... you see where the inspiration for all the cool vehicles in The Dark Knight come from? Clearly.

I have to admit though, a lot of the things you'd hope to see in a Batman parody porn are there, like the "Holy...!" text flying at the screen. Although, they use it a bit more creatively:



My favorite instance has to be in this beautifully acted scene:



Rough him up Batdude!! And yes, that is the Peeper. How he is supposed to be like the Penguin I have absolutely no clue.

Batdude's acting is pretty awesome. He says things like "Bat Buns" and is generally the most enthusiastic character in the entire movie. However, he never gets fully erect. Not once. But he does make up for it by doing things like this:



Improvisation at it's finest.

Throbin, on the other hand, is a little less into his character:



But before you think Throbin isn't there to protect you, watch as he assists this citizen in peril:



See? This plot is so confusing? Why are The French Tickler and The Poker and The Peeper villans if all they are doing is having sex with people?? Why does Batdude then have sex with them as punishment??? WHAT DOES COMMISSIONER GOMORRAH HAVE TO SAY????

You never really get to figure any of this out, but if you are watching a porno that has garbage bags with penises spray painted on them for set decoration, then you probably don't care.

There is no resolution to this movie. Not that a porno should have one. At one point The Poker goes to a drag queen named Sugar Kane to learn how to disguise himself, and it turns into 30 minutes of random dialog about clothing and the mall and an awkward display of chest hair in a teddy:



Overall, I was entertained. The sets were bad, the acting was bad, the quality was bad... but there were enough little things going on that I rarely fast forwarded. I laughed heartily through the film, and it was all worth it to watch this:




Ouch.

Jesus Saves

Did you know that there is Christian Porno?

Yeah.

I also did not know that there were guidelines for producing a porno that is acceptable in the eyes of God available online.

From SexInChrist:

- It must depict only married couples engaging in sexual acts. This means that any sexual partners in a Christian porn production must be husband and wife, both on and off screen. All actors must be married in real life and portray married couples onscreen. And they must only be depicted having sex with their wedded spouses.

- It must portray sex within the context of a Christian marriage. It must be apparent through the actions, behaviors, and speech of the characters portrayed that they are Christian, lead a Christian lifestyle, and have a marriage in which their faith is central. This could be depicted in a variety of ways, with scenes showing a couple praying together, studying the Bible, attending church or church functions, and generally relating to one another as loving Christian spouses outside of the bedroom.

- It must be instructional. Part of the mission of Christian pornography is to graphically educate married believers in how to achieve more sexual pleasure, intimacy, and closeness in their relationships. It can do this by dramatizing various sexual techniques and positions so that couples can learn how to incorporate them into their lovemaking routines. In their onscreen roles, the actors should model both correct sexual techniques and appropriate sexual attitudes, by being respectful and treating one another’s bodies as the sacred gift from God that they are.

- Husband and wife must both receive their due benevolence. This is in keeping with the scriptural mandate of I Corinthians 7:3, which says “Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.” This means that both sex partners must be shown getting equal pleasure and sexual attention from one another.

- No extramarital sex, unless it is to illustrate the downfalls of adultery. The spouses in a Christian porn production must never have adulterous relations, unless they (and their partner in extramarital crime) suffer and are punished fittingly for their sins. (In deference to modern conventions, the punishment does not have to be one mandated by scripture, i.e., being stoned to death.)

- It must be uplifting and inspirational, focusing on strengthening Christian marriage and Christian faith. Christian porn must have an overall positive message. Of course, its primary message would be to demonstrate the sacred use of sexuality and sensuality to reinforce the bonds of Christian marriage. But in all other respects, it should affirm Christian values of community, family, faith, honesty, charity, and so forth. It should show that having a joyous and fulfilling married sex life is one of the fruits of following the path of righteousness.

- No profanity. Although exclamations of pleasure are acceptable, as are the natural sounds and vocalizations of lovemaking, Christian porn should contain no profanity or swearing. The participants should address each other lovingly and respectfully at all times. Of course, it goes without saying that the actors will not take the Lord’s name in vain, nor that of his Son.


So no OMGs when you're cumming, kids.

SexInChrist is actually a great website for advice about how to have sex as a Christian by taking random phrases from the Bible completely out of context. Like this doozy about fisting in the Bible:

The Fist of Might

Over and over in the scriptures, the hand and fist of God are described as a symbol of His awesome power and the means through which this power manifests: "O God, God of our ancestors, are you not God in heaven above and ruler of all kingdoms below? You hold all power and might in your fist.” (2 Chronicles 20:6) Of course, the Old Testament often makes reference to God smiting his enemies with his fist or striking down the wicked with his hand, but it is also the means through which he administers his blessings and benevolence to the righteous: ”You open Your hand and satisfy the desire of every living thing.” (Psalms 145:16) Through the hand of the Lord, he guides us to do his will, touches our lives, expresses His love, and provides for our needs with His abundance.

Still not convinced God wants you to fist someone?

Powerful Yet Gentle

In the Song of Solomon, the Bible describes the act of fisting and the profound erotic bliss it induces: It is the voice of my beloved! He knocks, saying, "Open for me, my sister, my love, My dove, my perfect one”…My love thrust his hand through the opening, and my feelings were stirred for him. (Song of Solomon 5:2-4) Here we see the lover gently coaxing his companion to open up to him, metaphorically “knocking at her door,” preparing her sexually and emotionally to receive his hand inside her. Gradually he works more and more fingers into her, until the moment when her vagina yields and his hand slips fully inside her, thrusting “through the opening.” She then describes the powerful passion that this arouses in her as she envelopes his entire hand inside her body. Many couples describe this moment, as the fist makes full penetration into the vaginal opening, as transcendent and a sexual revelation. As the woman’s body accommodates her husband’s hand, both may experience a sense of physical, sexual, emotional, and spiritual oneness.

Fisting as an Act of Faith

Before attempting fisting, a Christian husband and wife should pray together and ask for divine guidance. The husband should ask that God guide his hand and work through him, and for the skill and patience to fist his wife correctly and maximize her pleasure. The wife should pray for openness and readiness to receive God’s love and grace in the form of her husband’s hand.

A Bible in one hand and someones lower intestine in the other, that's how I roll for God.




That was the greatest sentence ever typed. You know it was.

Reader's Choice

I occasionally receive topic suggestions from my readers, which are ALWAYS welcome. (Although, you guys can all lay off on the she-male suggestions. I would like a day to go by without she-male porn in my inbox...but really, who wouldn't?)

And while all topic suggestions are welcome, I'm not always going to post about what you think would make a good read.

Unless it's Gay Cum Farts.



I love that I have hit a point in my life where someone saw this video and thought of me. "Ah, look at that guy farting cum out of his ass...The Pron would LOVE this!" You guys are awesome, really.

Now this same person, also suggested I take a look at "The Art of The Cream Pie."

...well I do love art:



I tried searching for 'Cream Pie Art' on XTube, but that came up with nothing. So we'll have to settle for a video that boasts itself as THE BEST CREAMPIE VIDEO EVER!!!! ...with all those exclamation points.



OH GOD IS THAT WHAT THAT IS???

I hate it when I'm watching porn and I think something is one thing and it ends up being TOTALLY different. I thought a creampie (I keep accidentally typing 'creampit') was when a guy ejaculates into the slit of a girls privates... cause they call girl parts a Pie sometimes and that would be the Cream... do you follow my logic?

I've also learned a lot about what this particular reader is into: Regurgitating Semen. Mmmmm I'll never eat Cool Whip again.

The next thing our Sloppy Semen Seconds enthusiast (yeah, start commenting and you too will receive a sassy nickname based on your porno preferences!) suggested was BBWs/Chubby Chasers. I feel confident in the path that they have led me on, even though this isn't very specific.

Let's see what's been favorited most in the BBW section.

Ok, no, let's not. Cause it's a ten minute blowjob video and the girl is wearing sunglasses.





LAME!

Since you're helping me out so much today readers, can any of you tell me what STUPID EDITING PROGRAM WITH THE BLUE BACKGROUND AND WHITE FONT EVERYONE ON XTUBE IS USING???? I have such a pet peeve with that thing, mostly because it helps people make videos like this one:



Seriously, could anything be sexier than this video coupled with the "Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle" commentary?

The last thing Sloppy Semen Seconds With A Side Of Boob Flop suggested was for me to peek into the world of celebrity sex tapes. I was excited for this cause I heard Amy Fisher...yeah THAT Amy Fisher...just released a sex tape. But is it on XTube? Noooooo. Is it on PornoTube? Noooooo. You know what I get? This:



OMG THE SCARY PHOTOSHOPPED JENNIFER ANISTON WAS AMAZING!!!

Oh, and this tape that is supposed to be SHAINA TWAIN, but really it's just some girl fucking TO Shaina Twain.




Note to self: NEVER have sex to Shaina Twain, as it seemingly renders all participants COMATOSE!

So that's it. I'd like to thank Sloppy Semen Seconds With A Side Of Boob Flop And A Bad Selection Of Celebrity Sex Tape for their contribution to this fine entry. If there's something you'd like to see me write about, or something you want to rape my eyes with...COMMENT! :)

Most Discussed

**IF YOU READ THIS LIL PORNO MINE ON A MAC AND YOU ARE HAVING TROUBLE VIEWING THE VIDEOS (with the exception of that AleXxX video that got deleted last week and I've been too lazy to remove the post) YOU MIGHT WANT TO CHECK INTO WHAT SORT OF PLUGINS YOU NEED TO VIEW VIDEOS. I WAS ON A MAC THIS WEEKEND AND IT WORKED JUST FINE BECAUSE THE OWNER OF SAID MAC HAD THE RIGHT PLUGINS. YOU ARE A LOSER...SHAINA :)**

I was trolling xtube looking for the rumoured Its Chris Crocker videos, (which I couldn't find. And have since decided I do not want to see if they DO exist), when I saw that there is a most discussed section.

Hmm what are the people talking about on Xtube?

Well, apparently it's this:



I said before I don't ever really want to make fun of someone's genitalia, but...

WTF IS GOING ON THERE?

Everyone on Xtube seems to share my confusion:


what is that?!?!


Added by ezdzit20 on 5 months

what the hell


Added by hartbreakkid85 on 5 months

My sentiments exactly.

But then I got to thinking that it's probably a hermaphrodite. Which is something I don't come across to often. She-males, chicks with dicks, what have you are one thing... being born with both sets of privates is a whole 'nother thing, ya know what I'm sayin'? (omg sorry I just watched that Chris Crocker video again.)

I got all excited for the possiblity of hermaphrodite porn, so I looked to see if the person who posted it had other videos. The person who posted it, who's Xtube username is literally arandomusername had only one other video.



Now I'm even more confused.

Let's go over what we know so far:

Male characteristics:
1. Flat Chest
2. Penis?

Female characteristics:
1. Labia...really huge labia
2. Clitoris?

Yeah seriously, this is getting me nowhere so I turned my attention away from the video and to what little information that was available about arandomusername, (I feel like I'm trapped in an updated version of one of SNL's It's Pat! skits...it's username is even neutral as hell, geez!)

I started with the video's tags: boner, cock, ftm (female to male...A HINT!), jacking, jerkoff, transman (another clue), small, and tman.

Lest you think I am that well educated in the world of sex, let me tell you right now that I had no idea what ftm meant. So I clicked on the tag and sure enough, several other videos of basically the same thing popped up: unidentifiable genitalia being masturbated by its owners.

So I had not stumbled upon some hermaphrodite porn (alas, another day dear readers) but something completely new that had never crossed my mind. I was so used to seeing chicks with dicks, that I didn't know when an actual chick with a "dick" was right in front of my face!

(Also readers, remind me when I finally DO post about She-males to talk about Absolute T-Girls.)


Anyway, now that we know what's going on here, the video sort of loses it's mystique don't you think?

So let's see what else Xtubers are talking about:



This video is a little long for what it is, so you really only need to watch it for a minute or so to figure out whats going on...unless you want to get to like 3:45 where his penis looks like it's died.

I originally clicked on this video because it was called: Handsfree edging with aneros and I though that meant this guy was gonna stick a handsfree cellphone device up his ass. Yeah, it took some googling before I realized he wasn't.

The device he's using is sort of genius. You stick the prostate massager up your ass and the stimulation on your prostate cause you to clench down, thus causing the other part of the device to press down on your perineum...which delays your orgasm.

So you don't have to touch yourself. Hands Free. Get it? ...sorry.

One more thing, the first comment for this video is:

don't know if it means much, but your cum on your shirt looks like a scorpion.


Added by gruntlo on 4 months

It does!

"...gays are certainly overcoming...no pun intended"

I've said it before, and I'll say it again:

Gays are overacheivers.

It's true. Even their porn is of a better quality and a vastly larger quantity.

ESPECIALLY THE FUNNY ONES:



The boys in da hood are playing hoops, and the cracks Jerome is watching. They invite the white slut to join, if he can shoot 2 hoops he can play, if he misses he has to give up his mouth and ass to all the ganstas! Guess what, he misses! Watch as the gangstas have their way and gang-bang this cracka ho in every which way thay can. Would you like to join?




I know this is a gay porno, but seriously this cover is SO GAY ZOMG.

The Can-Am mailbox has been filled with one resounding question: When will Billy Herrington go up against Mark Wolff? Well your prayers have been answered! The result is one of our most visually stunning productions yet. First wiry young newcomer Nick Steel eggs Billy on. Nick's skill and agility on the mat enables him to surprise Billy with more than one ball-breaking move. But he's no match for Billy's brute strength and his tight little ass gets victory-fucked into tomorrow! Next up, leather master Van Darkholme shows off his awesome body in full gear - even in the gym. When Wolff mocks his appearance he challenges him to a fight. Darkholme clearly has the skills to go on to wrestling stardom. But experience counts and Wolff takes him, leaving Darkholme to blow a hot load in the shower. Now there can be only one true Lord of the Lockerroom, so Billy and Mark square-off and give it all they have in an ass slapping, ball grabbing, nipple pinching spectacular. Billy takes round one, forcing Mark to jerk off. Then he challenges Mark to a loser-gets-fucked second round - and, amazingly, Mark accepts! With their virgin asses on the line, can you imagine the action? Find out if either of them actually give it up!

That sounds amazing and I'm a straight girl. This might be the most hilarious porno ever made, someone buy it for me.



Gaywatch. It was bound to happen...

On this bare bun basking Southern California beach, hot and horny surfer dudes always know where to find the biggest swells..
It's not uncommon to see a lusty, lean muscled surfboarder totally entranced, feasting his eyes on the huge bulge that protrudes from the lifeguard's swimsuit. It's "Gaywatch Day" so if you've already had one lifeguard, there's still plenty more to go around!!!

When the hell is 'Gaywatch Day?' I need to mark my calendar, for reals.

...so i can go to the beach...

...with a camera...

...and a strap on...

...yeah.





Check out the drama in this one!

Joey Hart is in the emergency room for the third time. It seems he has "episodic constriction"of his prostate, which creates severe anal tension. Intern Dean Spencer gives the problem everything he's got. His powerful muscles work various dildos, digits and a very large dick before he is able to relieve his patient's distress. And follow-up treatment will certainly be a serious consideration.
Inpatient Jeff White awakens weak and bandaged having narrowly escaped death in a terrible car accident. Internist Gregg Arlen employs his best bedside manner to reassure the frightened young man. Jeff bemoans all the things that he has missed in his life to date including sex. Arlen takes pity on the young virgin as he attempts to relieve his stress and tension with a warm sponge bath, loving cocksucking, rousing sixty-nining and a ride on White's straight up stiff poker, all without Jeff ever having to move. Gregg is total dedication and Jeff looks forward to a long and happy hospital stay.

A couple of interns, Mark Slade and Kristian Brooks, completely exhausted after another punishing 48 hour shift, are in bad need of relaxation and rest. Kristian quickly drifts off to sleep as Mark gives him a massage. But Mark isn't quite finished. He needs relaxation before his rest. So the big hunk goes exploring his buddy's lean, tight physique with some sucking, some rimming and some heated fucking with his big giant of a dick pounding into the depths of Kristian's juicy asshole. Mark shoots a big, powerful load and Kristian gushers in his sleep.

Back in Schwartz' office Pettybone's threats of an investigation are overruled by a Code Pink emergency in the R. Hudson Conference Room. Clay Maverick and Gregg Arlen dash off to the their conference with Tommy Cruise and Ricky Starr where the four explore some medical practices undreamed of in the books. Almost every combination is tried, explored and enjoyed. These experts certainly practice what they practice. Meanwhile Pettybone has poked his head into the R. Hudson Room to observe. When the practitioners come to their awesome climactic explosions, Pettybone passes out and hits the floor. He awakens to find a bemused Dr. Schwanz standing over his hospital gurney. Pettybone has canceled the proposed Advisory Board hearing and decided to check into West Hollywood Hope for a thorough examination. After all, he isn't getting any younger... Everyone deserves the best health care possible. May we suggest West Hollywood Hope. It's good for what ails you. And Mark Slade is just the medicine we all need. After all, West Hollywood Hope is the place where the patient always comes first!

Fuck Grey's Anatomy...someone make a primetime drama outta West Hollywood Hope! Logo, I'm looking at you. It'll be way better than all that weird gay vampire shit you used to have.



Mmmhmm..these guys are about as intimidating as "Hangin' Tough" by New Kids On The Block was. "Are you tough enough?!"



AAAAGGGH SOMEONE BUY THIS FOR ME!!!!!!!

Once I saw a porno called 'Boy Band' and within the first ten minutes it ruined peanut butter for me for LIFE. I don't think this is the same one.



I'm gonna avoid the obvious sequel..."Ugly Cock"

p.s. No boy likes it when you call his peen CUTE.




Exotic and exciting visuals and a believable cast give this youth subculture-inspired video a unique and authentic look, and support St. John's reputation as one of XXX's most artistic directors. Sound, lighting, camerawork are all of a very high order which the sex mostly lives up to.

Who cares about art? All I want from this porno are endless glowstick puns.

ENDLESS!




Ricky Martinez, your penis frightens me.



Remember when sex was really good? Remember when you were really young, when you had just left home had moved to the city on your own, when you were suddenly free, when you were adventurous, when you were always horny and when sex came free and easy? Remember when sex wasn't a game, wasn't political, wasn't frightening, wasn't structured, wasn't role defined, wasn't a job, wasn't a movement, wasn't under a microscope, when it was spontaneous, was mutual, was actually fun? Remember when people had sex and smiled and laughed and even enjoyed it? If you remember all of this, then It's Raining Men is definitely for you. It's a wonderful and varied collection of hot little stud puppies and more fun and excitement than a trip to a pet store.

well, NO, I don't remember any of that...but I'M IN!