L.A. Zombie.

So Bruce La Bruce is making a gay porn called L.A. Zombie.

THIS SHOULD MAKE ME SQUEE WITH HAPPINESS.

But it isn't.

First, let me show you the trailer:



This movie pisses me off in a couple of ways.

For one, WUT???  What the hell is this movie about?  I know I just saw a safe for work trailer but it's a trailer and is supposed to entice me to watch the finish product.

Here's what I gather:

Weird green man with white scalp (note: star Francois Sagat actually has a tattooed fade hairstyle on his head.  I don't know why this means that his "hair" should be white, maybe someone can explain this to me.  Actually, if the makeup person from this movie would like to email me at pornomine@gmail.com and explain WHY THE FUCK HE IS COLORED LIKE A BEAUTIFUL PEACOCK that would be awesome.  Have you ever even seen a dead body before? ) comes out of the ocean.  Presumably dead.  With weird werewolf teeth.  Then he ends up on the back of a truck. For what seems like an eternity.  But then he also hitches a ride with someone else, and I think he kills them. He then gets some coffee.. cause zombies LOVE coffee. He steals clothes, even though he is clothed.  Socks especially.  His undead feet were cold? Then he spends a lot of time in the flood control river bed.  And two ska kids fight and one gets shot and drops money.  Then he goes to Skid Row and sorts through a shopping cart. (Yes, I noticed he passed over that perfectly good Super Nintendo) Then he isn't a zombie sometimes because he is no longer a fucking rainbow of blues, but still sticks his hand in a wound and drags a body away.  Then, his teeth take over his face.

I DON'T FUCKING GET IT.

I tried going to the website for a plot synopsis, and all I got was the following statement from Mr. Bruce La Bruce:

"....zombie porn is the wave of the future....Zombie porn is practical because you can create your own orifice..."

Yeah, ok, that would be true and really original and clever if IT HADN'T ALREADY BEEN DONE.  And done better, might I add.

Cause Re-Penetrator was made like 2 YEARS AGO:

RE-PENETRATOR TRAILLER @ Yahoo! Video

And then there was also Porn Of The Dead:

See what they did there?  They didn't just randomly paint someone blue and call it a day.  THEY ACTUALLY MADE ZOMBIES.  Also, both of these movies are more than a year old.  Zombie porn, like zombies, won't ever really go away but the idea has peaked.  Do you want to know where Zombie porn is now, Mr. La Bruce?  Want to know where this "wave of the future" actually ended up?

This guy taking a shower:



I don't hate to say it, his makeup is waaaaay better than that L.A. Zombie peacock bullshit.




p.s. Later today I will dedicate an entire post to Britney Spears porn!  Yay!