Updates and Auctions

Hello there!

First thing I would like to do is walk you through some of the recent site changes.

1. Yes, the layout has changed.  The other one was fancier, but it loaded slowly and was hard to read so we have moved onto something simpler.  Yeah, we don't look as cool but you also won't need glasses after reading us either.  Win/Win.
2. The Subscribe feature finally works!  Yay!  
3. There is going to be more advertising. We will try to keep it as low-key as possible, as we have flirted with it in the past and it hasn't always been great.  That being said...
4. If there's something you hate/love on the site, PLEASE contact us at the email address listed there on the right.  Or comment! We seriously listen to everything you tell us, hence the recent changes.
5. From now on, there will only be one post per page.  We've heard that when more than one post with videos is on the page, is causes everything to slow down.  You can still access the previous posts through the previous posts button at the end of each page, or by using the blog archive to your right. For the latest post updates, follow us on Twitter or be our fan on Facebook
   

Finally, on behalf of myself, and everyone who contributes to This Lil Porno Mine, I would like to thank all 300,000 people (yeah!  We finally found the account infor for the sitemeter we had when we started) who have graced us with their patience and presence over the past few years.  It's almost Thanksgiving, so thank you!

Enough serious business,  let's talk about EBAY:

I know, you want to know how much that feather boa is going for.  I know that nothing else in this photo has piqued your interest.  Like any good model, she is nothing but a glorified clotheshanger for the amazing feather boa. 

Yes, for only $2.99 (plus shipping!) you can purchase this adults only boa...

I was going to get it myself, but then I scrolled down and noticed that the ad clearly stated that:

One Modeled is Not For Sale, as it went back on display on our Window Manaquin

FML I wanted THAT ONE.

Readers, I have learned that in anything remotely involving sex, amateur is ALWAYS better.  This rule totally applies to Ebay sales:

Only $10 for real cooking titties? No way!

EVERYTHING YOU SEE ON HER COMES WITH THIS AUCTION.
SHE IS READY TO INCREASE............your sales, or anything you wish!!
A GREAT CONVERSATION PIECE OR A GREAT FRIEND TO JUST HANG OUT WITH.

THE WIG IS NEW AND VERY NICE, THE MANNEQUIN IS NEW. 
THE SEXY THONG IS NEW. SHE IS JUST WAITING FOR YOUR EVER COMMAND.
SHE IS REALLY LOOKING FOR A NICE HOME, AND A LOVING OWNER.

I PROMISE SHE WILL BE GOOD, AND WON'T TALK BACK TO YOU......

Don't let her get away, MAKE HER YOUR VERY OWN.

o.O .... o rly?

This auction is for a one-of-a-kind set of hand-altered, anatomically correct Barbie & Ken dolls, that includes one Ken (Ken as Legolas from LOTR) and one Barbie doll with beautiful, long, multi-colored hair. 

The handsome blond Ken doll sports nipples and full genitals.  His beautiful babe has a hair-covered opening below and nipples.  The Ken doll is brand new and only recently de-boxed prior to his 'modification.'  The Barbie is used and was only gently played with prior to her conversion.  Both of these dolls are fully articulated, which makes posing them just tons of fun!  Dolls are sold nude with no clothing or shoes.

  I have to be honest, I am kicking myself for not making anatomically altered Barbie dolls and selling them for $45 a pop in this economy.

I am Selling a barely used Lolly Doll from RSSD.

I cannot seem to enjoy this doll as she is too small for my own personal enjoyment, and have also come across some financial issues recently.
I purchased this doll on ebay for $540 and received her in the mail around a week ago, she has been used only once though with protection (condom), and has be thoroughly cleaned with both sponge bath and alcohol.


-On each side of her shoulders' there is an opening with some of the silicone skin torn off. The doll arrived this way and I have been told that they are filler holes left during the creation process.

-There is a very small rip on her anus as well in the corners of her mouth, however this had been caused simply from inspection.

-On her left arm is a hole that has been filled with a paste-like substance, which I presume is silicone repair, although it does not seem to dry. The doll arrived with this defect from the company.

-I accidentally messed up the wig that she arrived with, which is why I did not include it in these pictures. With the wig she looks like she has a bad hair day. A really, really bad hair day.

-And Finally there a few different stain markings on her that won't wash off for some reason. The first is a reddish stain on the right side of the doll, which appeared after I tried fitting a tight red Christmas dress on her. The second is a couple of black markings around her thigh area. The doll arrived with these black markings and I haven't been able to clean them off.


I knew I would find a fucking used Love Doll on here.  I didn't know I would find labial dye:

There has been nothing until now to restore the color to a woman's genital area.  This complete kit contains enough product for 20 applications.  This is a "semi-permanent" Labia Colorant and Dye System that lasts 72+ hours depending on each individuals own body chemistry.

"A total turn on for Men!"  Ladies, if your playing, hes looking!   This is Lip Color for the "other lips"!

Check out all the blogs on the internet of woman asking what they can do about returning their "Pink" back to their inner lips.  NOW THERE IS A SOLUTION!

You will receive 1 kit which contains 20 applications, easy to follow instructions and everything you need to        GET YOUR PINK BACK!

I also didn't think I would find out that a woman's skin is like bread:

This spectacular love doll is made from the revolutionary material, Silica-Urethane (Urethane Foam Rubber). It feels surprisingly almost like real skin! It is better and lighter than silicone. The softness of the Urethane foam is almost same as the soft type bread. The surface looks like human skin, having bread-like foam inside. Millions of bubbles inside the entire body makes the doll soft so that the user feels just like he embraces a woman's actual body. Certain numbers of the bubbles appears on the surface (just like breads). The user will feel it "warm" because the material reflects the user's body temperature.

 

Creepiest Description EVER


And I never...never ever ever ever ever expected to find a Talking Sheep Sex Doll:

This Talking Sheep is a blow-up sheep with action activated sound - its over a foot tall!!  Press the noise box and you get the sound of lambs in love!!  Has 2 entry holes in back for the 'animal lover'.   She's so baaaahhhh-d

Well worth the $19.25

NEXT TIME ON THIS LIL PORNO MINE

Ta Tas For Now!

BOOBS

Boobs can do a lot of things.

They are great for breastfeeding:

 

They can double as a lie detector:

They can open bottles:

They are planets:

aides boy
by mikropikol

They can improve your Halloween costume:

They can grow on the bottom of your foot:

They can be purchased in bulk:

They can be used for stress relief:

 

They can be used as handles while fucking their vagina with a penis on top of it... or something:

Who doesn't love boobs?

TOMORROW ON THIS LIL PORNO MINE:

My apologies...

Count Cockula

Vampires are so hot right now.

So hot that it makes you want to stick your dick into a rubber tube with fangs, right?

I thought so.

Vampires are so hot right now you just want to fuck a vampire cape while wearing a vampire cape, right?



Vampires are so hot right now that you made a four part stop motion animation series of your goth doll biting your dick, right?



Vampires are so hot right now that you actually went out a made the world's first (and pretty decent looking) Vampire Twink TrueBlood parody porno, right?



Vampires are so hot right now that you made a really shitty vampire movie of your own where you didn't even bother to spell "seduced" right and just wore fangs while some girl licked your boobies and then tried to be funny by feasting on cum rather than blood, right?



Ugh. WRONG

THINGS I AM NOT 100% SURE OF

THE UPDATE OF EPIC FAIL

This update fails in so many ways.

No preambles, let's just get right to it:

DIGIMON CHILD PORNOGRAPHY!

hooray?



Now, uh... a horse ejaculating through a building?


click for full size

Some horrible stuff I saw on FurBid, the Furry Ebay

Male Tiger rapes Female Panther.... I wouldn't exactly call this RAPE:



Uh huh.

The artist says:

Low but dramatic color. Unique perspective and depth of field technique applied in the concept of the sketch. Treat yourself to something uncommon.

...


AND FINALLY, a few randoms I have nothing to say about:






When you have a sub and this Toilet Brush attachment, you can make sure that your bathroom remains tidy and clean. This attachment is designed for the Humiliator Gag designed by Scott Paul. When attached to the end of it, your sub becomes an instant human toilet scrub. The white bristled brush is the same style of brush you'd find anywhere for toilet cleaning, only this time it's attached to a 5" rod so that your sub will be sure of what they're being told to do.


As an attachment to Scott Paul's Humiliator Gag, this device will turn your slave into a moving serving tray. You can place your favorite cocktail, appetizer or whatever you wish on the tray and have your sub deliver it personally. Imagine having them go back and forth with different items at your every beck and call. The tray is attached via a durable, light metal rod. The tray is 4" wide and has a removable rubber pad for easy cleaning. The attachment rod is 2" long.

Lars and The Real Dismembered Pieces of People

Real Dolls.

We've talked about them once or twice in the past. But did you know they have an 'accessories' line? And I'm not talking about dress-up clothes and a Barbie Mansion.


Booby Balls

These are supposed to be stress relievers, but the idea of seeing any one of my coworkers sitting at their desk squeezing the shit out of one of those is breaking me out in hives.


Male Flat Back Torso


Real Doll Lingerie Bust


This one didn't have a name so I'll call it: Real Doll Creepy Pelvic Region


I'm begging someone to explain to me the appeal of having sex with just pieces of a person. I'm not judging here, I just don't get it. I can't imagine just sitting there with my Lingerie Bust staring at me with those creepy eyes and lack of lower body and arms and being turned on. I understand that there isn't always someone else there to have sex with when you want, and that this is safer than Craiglist Casual Encounters. I get that. I also understand that Real Dolls are expensive, which is why you might only want to purchase the important parts.

But isn't the majority of the appeal of the nude human form in the context of the entire package? Look at those boobies on this blog's header... those actually belong to a very attractive lady I found while perusing the interwebz for subject matter. Look at them now out of context...they're a little gross now, aren't they? Not so appealing.

Although, on second thought, perhaps it is LESS weird to desire human parts than to end up busting out a bright purple dildo or a Hello Kitty vibrator.

Maybe this:



isn't so strange after all.


What IS weird though, is making a your own doll out of cloth and taking a million photos of it and putting on the internet:






The vagina is made of Bubble Wrap for "extra sensation," says it's creator.



This guy is like 5 years away from keeping fat girls in a pit in his basement so he can wear their skin. I'm just sayin'

Porno Family Tree

The Pron: I've got 3 words for you
The Pron: Care
The Pron: Bear
The Pron: Porn
Friend: OH
Friend: MY
Friend: GOD
Friend: That is my 3 word response

The Pron: I've got 3 words for you
The Pron: Care
The Pron: Bear
The Pron: Porn
Other Friend: :(
Other Friend: :(
Other Friend: :(
Other Friend: That is my 3 emoticon response

Yes, that's how excited everyone was for the Care Bear Porn I found. Described as, "the single hottest sex tape ever, the most controversial video you'll ever see. Taken while on marathon coke binge watch Cheer Bear fuck this chick up the ass until she cums hard, then this little blonde teen slut cleans off his cock with her mouth. This was just too nasty for the 80's!", I imagined I was about to view Porno Bloggo greatness.

But no, all I got was a girl humping a doll:



hmph.

After being severely disappointed by the Care Bear Sex Tape, I considered going on a hunt for actual Care Bear porn. But sometimes, the weirdest pornos come to you. In the form of 'related videos.'

For example:



I don't know how this and Care Bears are related, meaning that internet porno sites are using technology far too advanced for me. But I do know that the description for this video made me laugh:

"She goes from dorm to dorm at night, helping horny men get off with blowjobs and jobs alike. And if your cute, she may just fuck you. But ugly or handsome she'll get you off all the same. Who is this noble woman? Why, she's simply called, the Unknown Whore... I think."

She's providing a much-needed service here people. She's an American Hero, this Unknown Whore.

Let's see who's related to the Unknown Whore:



"Olde Timey Tentacle Sex! Porn From a Bygone Era! Filmed On Cellulaphone! Pulled From Al Capones Vault! Music By Bing Crosby And Robert Whiteman! Directed By Gilbert and Sullivan!"

If the Unknown Whore is Care Bears' ugly older sister, then this is definitely Care Bears' senile Grandma.

...

and people say I have too much time on my hands. I'M NOT MAKING OLD TIMEY PORNO OKAY THANKS!

And if Old Timey Tentacle porno was Care Bears' senile Granmother, then THIS GUY is Care Bears' creepy Uncle:





AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

You guys know the YOU GONNA GET RAPED guy? Creepy Uncle is TOTALLY SCARIER:




omg.

And what could possibly be related to Creepy Uncle?

Midgets and Piss of course.


Of course....



Yes, now you too can live in the world that I live in, where NATURALLY you would expect midgets and piss to follow a creepy bearded guy with clothespins on his nipples. It's a great place to visit, but I wouldn't recommend living here.

Why?

Because you're gonna end up living down the street from Midgets and Piss' cousin...the guy who fucks spongy cushions?!? (Is everyone enjoying the neighborhood of weird porno I've created in my mind. I picture like Edward Scissorhand's neighborhood, fyi)



This is video 12 in a series of 14!!! FOURTEEN VIDEOS this man has made of him fucking... a pillow? A giant sponge? Also, because I'm sure you didn't make it to the end, he has it rigged so there is permanently a condom on his penis when he enters the ... pillow-thing.

AGAIN I WOULD LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT I MAY HAVE A LOT OF TIME ON MY HANDS BUT AT LEAST I'M NOT MAKING CONDOM-RIGGED PILLOW VAGINA THINGS!

But if you haven't lost your will to live...anywhere... yet, I present you with:


ET PORN



NIGHTMARES. FOREVER. MY SLEEP WITH FOREVER BE HAUNTED WITH THESE IMAGES.

I'm gonna go get used to seeing creepy-ass ET sucking dick everytime I close my eyes.

:(

Most Discussed

**IF YOU READ THIS LIL PORNO MINE ON A MAC AND YOU ARE HAVING TROUBLE VIEWING THE VIDEOS (with the exception of that AleXxX video that got deleted last week and I've been too lazy to remove the post) YOU MIGHT WANT TO CHECK INTO WHAT SORT OF PLUGINS YOU NEED TO VIEW VIDEOS. I WAS ON A MAC THIS WEEKEND AND IT WORKED JUST FINE BECAUSE THE OWNER OF SAID MAC HAD THE RIGHT PLUGINS. YOU ARE A LOSER...SHAINA :)**

I was trolling xtube looking for the rumoured Its Chris Crocker videos, (which I couldn't find. And have since decided I do not want to see if they DO exist), when I saw that there is a most discussed section.

Hmm what are the people talking about on Xtube?

Well, apparently it's this:



I said before I don't ever really want to make fun of someone's genitalia, but...

WTF IS GOING ON THERE?

Everyone on Xtube seems to share my confusion:


what is that?!?!


Added by ezdzit20 on 5 months

what the hell


Added by hartbreakkid85 on 5 months

My sentiments exactly.

But then I got to thinking that it's probably a hermaphrodite. Which is something I don't come across to often. She-males, chicks with dicks, what have you are one thing... being born with both sets of privates is a whole 'nother thing, ya know what I'm sayin'? (omg sorry I just watched that Chris Crocker video again.)

I got all excited for the possiblity of hermaphrodite porn, so I looked to see if the person who posted it had other videos. The person who posted it, who's Xtube username is literally arandomusername had only one other video.



Now I'm even more confused.

Let's go over what we know so far:

Male characteristics:
1. Flat Chest
2. Penis?

Female characteristics:
1. Labia...really huge labia
2. Clitoris?

Yeah seriously, this is getting me nowhere so I turned my attention away from the video and to what little information that was available about arandomusername, (I feel like I'm trapped in an updated version of one of SNL's It's Pat! skits...it's username is even neutral as hell, geez!)

I started with the video's tags: boner, cock, ftm (female to male...A HINT!), jacking, jerkoff, transman (another clue), small, and tman.

Lest you think I am that well educated in the world of sex, let me tell you right now that I had no idea what ftm meant. So I clicked on the tag and sure enough, several other videos of basically the same thing popped up: unidentifiable genitalia being masturbated by its owners.

So I had not stumbled upon some hermaphrodite porn (alas, another day dear readers) but something completely new that had never crossed my mind. I was so used to seeing chicks with dicks, that I didn't know when an actual chick with a "dick" was right in front of my face!

(Also readers, remind me when I finally DO post about She-males to talk about Absolute T-Girls.)


Anyway, now that we know what's going on here, the video sort of loses it's mystique don't you think?

So let's see what else Xtubers are talking about:



This video is a little long for what it is, so you really only need to watch it for a minute or so to figure out whats going on...unless you want to get to like 3:45 where his penis looks like it's died.

I originally clicked on this video because it was called: Handsfree edging with aneros and I though that meant this guy was gonna stick a handsfree cellphone device up his ass. Yeah, it took some googling before I realized he wasn't.

The device he's using is sort of genius. You stick the prostate massager up your ass and the stimulation on your prostate cause you to clench down, thus causing the other part of the device to press down on your perineum...which delays your orgasm.

So you don't have to touch yourself. Hands Free. Get it? ...sorry.

One more thing, the first comment for this video is:

don't know if it means much, but your cum on your shirt looks like a scorpion.


Added by gruntlo on 4 months

It does!

WELL HELLO THERE, IS THAT VAGINA I SMELL OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME??

When I started this blog, I really thought of myself as sort of an amateur sex expert. But as of today, I realize I have NO IDEA what's going on in the world of sex.

With that said...

WELL HELLO THERE, IS THAT VAGINA I SMELL OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME??

Oh, that's not VAGINA? It's VULVA:



Yep, you can now purchase "The precious vagina fragrance put into a small vial." (The website URL for vagina perfume is priceless btw: www.smellmeand.com)

But if you don't feel like buying it, you can always get it the old fashioned way. And luckily, there's a product made for the nights when you just HAVE to smell some vag but forgot to pay the electric bill:



Thank GOD, right? I mean, who else here hates fumbling around with genitals in the dark? One thing I think we can all agree on (and that we all probably learned from porn) is that nothing makes your no no spots look better than a bright light focused directly on them. Mmmm... it's like the butcher display case, and that TURNS ME ON.

Another thing you probably hate is when an anal sex encounter presents itself and you're not ready. But fear not, because there is even an invention for you:



It claims to hold "just the right amount of liquid." I may be wrong, but I feel like if you're already getting an enema, it just all feels wrong.

Another thing that feels wrong are SHARK TEETH ON ANY PENIS COMING ANYWHERE NEAR ME!



I'm sorry but the only stimulation those are giving me are the creeps.

Also:

If you're a dude, gay or straight, and you are so lazy that you need this to jerk yourself off, you should just cut it off:



My advice? Sit on your usual jerk off hand until it's numb, then touch your peen. I've heard that makes it feel like someone else is touching it. That, and it doesn't cost $40 to do that.

My friends and I have been recoiling in horror from the discovery of the Pussy Foot for the past few days:



But after looking at it for awhile, I have decided it's kind of ingenius. So I invented one for the ladies:



It's just a prototype but...well..C'MON LADIES..HOP ON!!!!!


...no? FINE. SEE IF I EVER INVENT ANOTHER SEX TOY AGAIN EVER!

But if the whole, vagina on the bottom of a severed foot thing weirds you out, may I suggest this weird clear foot with an opening at the bottom and purple beads inside?



It looks like you're fucking an ice sculpture.

People need to make more videos of them having sex with weird sex toys, cause seriously, the pickings are slim. Actually, the pickings are this:




I guess it's supposed to be a promo video for the Fleshlight, but all I see is a girl moaning while she touches it.


It's THAT GOOD.

Well Hello there. Is that a dildo strapped to your chin or are you just happy to see me?

This post was inspired by the porn convention I recently attended...well that and I've been listening to a lot of R. Kelly lately.

Sex Toys.

I could sing the praises of sex toys all day. They help people and that's something even I can't make fun of. And people LOVE their toys. If you ever find yourself on a sex video site, you should search the term "Fleshlight" and marvel at the community of Fleshlight fans out there.

But there are a couple things that I can say about sex toys that aren't so positive:

The Accommodator


(I know, this isn't a video, but no one has made Accommodator porno as far as I can tell and I promise there will be video coming up)

The purpose of this toy is to be able to penetrate during oral sex hands free. Ok, I get the usefulness of that.

But imagine this scenario between you and your partner...feel free to get a friend and act this out:

You: Honey! I'm home!
Partner: Oh I'm upstairs dear! I have a surprise for you!
You: I hope it's dinner, I'm STARVING.
Partner: It's better than dinner!
You: Ok.
You: Honey, why are you hiding in the bathroom?
Partner: Just lie down and get comfy, I'll be out in a second!
You: Ok, but darling, I'm very tired and hungry and not really up for-

You:....well Hello there. Is that a dildo strapped to your chin or are you just happy to see me?

I bet you thought a woman was gonna come out of the bathroom. Well, I've got what you're looking for, if that's what you're into:




You know she's gonna put that in your butt, don't you?


Aroused yet? No? Let's keep moving then.

Fake Vaginas




Fake Vaginas are just as mood killing in my opinion. I can't imagine being a guy and working myself up only to reach under my bed and pull out what may be the most disturbing part of the female anatomy when taken out of context. And they usually come with a weird pump thing that gets them wet. And I may be wrong, but I remember hearing about ones where you could put the birth canal in the microwave to warm it up.

I figure if your sex toy requires more than three steps to prepare it, you might as well just hire a hooker. At least then you get boobs too.



The whole time I watched this video, I wondered if his penis was just ramming into the floor.


Next up...

Inflatable Pussies



Inflatable Pussies are also known as Air Bags since thats basically all they are. I have also heard them referred to as "Pussy Trainers" but I don't really get that. Penises get hard so they can go into Vaginas, and frankly if anyone in this party needs to be trained for that sort of activity, it's little Miss Vagina.

Also, it just looks like a bag of popcorn with a dick in it.


Huge Dildos

And I think this is how little Miss Vagina trains herself:




Seriously, as the proud owner of a vagina, that shit looks painful. And really quick,as an unrelated side note: why are glass dildos so popular??? Seriously the LAST thing I want to do is stick something in there that may shatter into tiny little painful shards. And why do I keep spelling dildos with and E? DILDOES.

But nothing is more hilarious/horrifying than:

THE REAL DOLL



Mmm.. she looks so lifeless. What do you say after this we head over to Forest Lawn and find us a coupla cold ones, eh?

Now. There is a TON of fucked up, Real Doll related porno out there. There's even Real Hamster. But honestly, the only really truly disturbing thing to me, is how much it looks like you're fucking a dead person:



:(