LOL

I'm sorry about earlier, with the Smegma and everything.

Let's be friends again. Here, have this lulzy 'shop of Scott Speedman, George Clooney, and James France as a peace offering:

:D

TOMORROW ON THIS LIL PORNO MINE

See you then.

Hit Me Baby One More Time!

Britney Spears Porn

MEGA POST!!!!!

Have you guys heard the new Britney Spears song, "3"?

Well.. it's about threesomes, and in my opinion, double penetration:

I'm pretty sure at one point she says "Gettin' down with DP" but that's just me...

(by the way, this is a video of Francois Sagat, the peacock zombie from this post singing "Gimme More" by Britney Spears.  we have come full circle)

Anyway, Britney Spears doing something that pushes the envelope of conservative sexuality is not anything new or even post-worthy, but it did get me thinking:

Have you guys ever considered the sheer volume of Britney Spears porn out there?

It ranges for mildly disturbing to downright hilarious, and frankly, if all this shit existed online about me, I'd go crazy and shave my head too.

I know that being famous you basically forfeit your right to privacy and that Internet is a free forum and all that, and I am aware that any one of us could have our faces badly photoshopped onto some hardcore porn... but I don't think some of these would ever happen to just anyone:

LOOK HOW HAPPY SHE IS TO SHOW YOU HER BUTTHOLE!

This is what I think "3" is about.

One way to cover up your terrible photoshop skills.

Horrifying because I'm pretty sure that face photo is from when she was 16 or 17. Blech...

This one isn't so bad.  If she had ever broken down and done Playboy it might've looked like this one and the next two.

 

And if she had ever done Hustler it would've looked like this.

This one will always be my favorite.  I have posted it before and it still makes me laugh hysterically.

This one has that detached Real Doll effect where she just looks all dead in the eyes, not that she doesn't often look that way normally, but you know what I mean.

This... I don't even know.

See?  I just showed you all of those and that isn't even scraping the top of the barrel of badly manipulated nudes. You never took nudes in your youth for fear that they would end up online and your future children may see...well imagine if website after website just went ahead and did it for you.

But those are just pictures! Thankfully no one has CGI'd her head onto an existing porn video (yet) but there are also a couple of interesting videos dedicated to dear Britney:

Be warned, the video above is boring as fuck.  Watch 30 secs and you've seen the whole thing.

Don't you just want to tell him Britney can't hear him?

But lest you think that all videos about Britney are just boring, bad quality jerk off videos, I now present to you...

BRITNEY REARS 2: I WANNA GET LAID

So that's my Britney Spears Porn Mega Porn Post.  I hope you laughed, cried, cringed, and got out with a full head of hair.

Clever Porn Movies Part 1

BONE ALONE

"Gabrielle's got a secret. It's hot. It's pink. It's very, very wet and it's always ready for company, and guess what... Gabrielle's all alone for the week with nothing to do but play hide the salami."

THIS COULD BE YOUR GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT, MR. JEREMY.

BONFIRE OF THE PANTIES

"That’s how it works when the fire’s in your loins. Welcome to Bonfire of the Panties. The New Wave Camera of William Black fresh from the triumphs of Anal Nation and Total Reball points his twisted camera at the Me Decade of the 80’s and what can happen when greed goes awry. He assembled some of the biggest names in adult. Gorgeous Raven, hot blonde Nikki Wilde, the sultry Ashley Nicole and foxy Missy Warner all shot in the new-wave style that pushes his movies to the tops of the charts Turn on Bonfire and watch the sirens ignite."



SERIOUSLY, DO YOU KNOW HOW BAD A BONFIRE OF PANTIES WOULD SMELL? I'M JUST SAYIN'

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE LAYER

"Poor little Buffy's lost in Transylvania. The evil lawyer/vampire, Count Hymie "The Impaler" Draculwitz, has summoned her from Budapest, and if he has his way, he'll be "impaling" the little Buffster for a long time to come - like, forever and junk. Her only chance is to use his own stake against him. If she can outlast a dead guy, she'll be golden. If not ... she'll join him in the ranks of the living dead... like, total bummer, dude."


THE FUNNY PART IS THAT COULD ACTUALLY KIND OF WORK AS A BUFFY EPISODE. I'M NOT GONNA LIE, I MAY BUY THIS ONE.

CAPTAIN HOOKER AND PETER PORN

"Were you one of those horny adults who thrilled at those pirate movies, not just for the action and adventure, but at those arousing sights of big bad men with their big bad weapons overpowering and ravishing those beautiful maidens and turning them into their wild and willing slaves? Of course you were. But now the hot "good" parts don't get blacked out when the sex action begins. For in this, the first and greatest XXX - Rated pirate epic, nothing is left to your imagination. What really must have happened when pirates were the scourge of the seven seas happens here and more so.

Yes, Captain Hooker andiPeter Porn is the adult pirate video you should not miss, if you crave hot, sexy thrills."


THE DESCRIPTION YOU JUST READ IS EXACTLY WHY I HAVE TRIED AND FAILED AT WRITING ADULT VIDEO DESCRIPTIONS FOR A LIVING. ALSO, I WOULD LIKE TO NOTE THAT THIS MOVIE IS FOUND IN THE "CLASSICS" SECTION AT CDUNIVERSE.COM

A CLOCKWORK ORGY

"Here's where droogs are still droogs, but their tonic is sex, not violence. Superstar Kaitlyn Ashley plays Alex, who is surrounded by fellow gangsters Isis Nile, hot Olivia and the French beauty Rebecca Lord, roam dingy alleyways in search for wanton sex. First they attack a street bum, actor Dick Nasty, when Rebecca Lord winds up on the receiving end of a very gooey facial. Then, Jon Dough in a wheelchair, succumbs to the wild-eyed street nymphs. But not before our Kaitlyn is seduced by parole officer Shelby Stevens, and committed to the looney bin where Jonathan Morgan and Nikole Lace try to recondition out her nymphomania. "

LOL, JON DOUGH.

DAWSON'S CRACK

I COULDN'T FIND A SYNOPSIS FOR THIS ONE ONLINE, BUT LOOK AT THAT COVER. 'NUFF SAID.

Photoshop for fun and profit

Do you have photoshop, or any other photo editing program?

If so, what do you use it for?

If your answer was: "Why, I use to it badly splice the heads of celebrities on naked bodies that are clearly not their own," then I want to talk to you.

One reason is because some of you are fucking AMAZING AT IT and I want to know how much money something like this photo below will make you:




And the other reason is because I consider myself a half decent photoshopper, and I think I could do a better job than some of you are doing.

FOR EXAMPLE:












LOL