Reader's Choice

I occasionally receive topic suggestions from my readers, which are ALWAYS welcome. (Although, you guys can all lay off on the she-male suggestions. I would like a day to go by without she-male porn in my inbox...but really, who wouldn't?)

And while all topic suggestions are welcome, I'm not always going to post about what you think would make a good read.

Unless it's Gay Cum Farts.



I love that I have hit a point in my life where someone saw this video and thought of me. "Ah, look at that guy farting cum out of his ass...The Pron would LOVE this!" You guys are awesome, really.

Now this same person, also suggested I take a look at "The Art of The Cream Pie."

...well I do love art:



I tried searching for 'Cream Pie Art' on XTube, but that came up with nothing. So we'll have to settle for a video that boasts itself as THE BEST CREAMPIE VIDEO EVER!!!! ...with all those exclamation points.



OH GOD IS THAT WHAT THAT IS???

I hate it when I'm watching porn and I think something is one thing and it ends up being TOTALLY different. I thought a creampie (I keep accidentally typing 'creampit') was when a guy ejaculates into the slit of a girls privates... cause they call girl parts a Pie sometimes and that would be the Cream... do you follow my logic?

I've also learned a lot about what this particular reader is into: Regurgitating Semen. Mmmmm I'll never eat Cool Whip again.

The next thing our Sloppy Semen Seconds enthusiast (yeah, start commenting and you too will receive a sassy nickname based on your porno preferences!) suggested was BBWs/Chubby Chasers. I feel confident in the path that they have led me on, even though this isn't very specific.

Let's see what's been favorited most in the BBW section.

Ok, no, let's not. Cause it's a ten minute blowjob video and the girl is wearing sunglasses.





LAME!

Since you're helping me out so much today readers, can any of you tell me what STUPID EDITING PROGRAM WITH THE BLUE BACKGROUND AND WHITE FONT EVERYONE ON XTUBE IS USING???? I have such a pet peeve with that thing, mostly because it helps people make videos like this one:



Seriously, could anything be sexier than this video coupled with the "Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle" commentary?

The last thing Sloppy Semen Seconds With A Side Of Boob Flop suggested was for me to peek into the world of celebrity sex tapes. I was excited for this cause I heard Amy Fisher...yeah THAT Amy Fisher...just released a sex tape. But is it on XTube? Noooooo. Is it on PornoTube? Noooooo. You know what I get? This:



OMG THE SCARY PHOTOSHOPPED JENNIFER ANISTON WAS AMAZING!!!

Oh, and this tape that is supposed to be SHAINA TWAIN, but really it's just some girl fucking TO Shaina Twain.




Note to self: NEVER have sex to Shaina Twain, as it seemingly renders all participants COMATOSE!

So that's it. I'd like to thank Sloppy Semen Seconds With A Side Of Boob Flop And A Bad Selection Of Celebrity Sex Tape for their contribution to this fine entry. If there's something you'd like to see me write about, or something you want to rape my eyes with...COMMENT! :)

THE UPDATE OF EPIC FAIL

This update fails in so many ways.

No preambles, let's just get right to it:

DIGIMON CHILD PORNOGRAPHY!

hooray?



Now, uh... a horse ejaculating through a building?


click for full size

Some horrible stuff I saw on FurBid, the Furry Ebay

Male Tiger rapes Female Panther.... I wouldn't exactly call this RAPE:



Uh huh.

The artist says:

Low but dramatic color. Unique perspective and depth of field technique applied in the concept of the sketch. Treat yourself to something uncommon.

...


AND FINALLY, a few randoms I have nothing to say about:






When you have a sub and this Toilet Brush attachment, you can make sure that your bathroom remains tidy and clean. This attachment is designed for the Humiliator Gag designed by Scott Paul. When attached to the end of it, your sub becomes an instant human toilet scrub. The white bristled brush is the same style of brush you'd find anywhere for toilet cleaning, only this time it's attached to a 5" rod so that your sub will be sure of what they're being told to do.


As an attachment to Scott Paul's Humiliator Gag, this device will turn your slave into a moving serving tray. You can place your favorite cocktail, appetizer or whatever you wish on the tray and have your sub deliver it personally. Imagine having them go back and forth with different items at your every beck and call. The tray is attached via a durable, light metal rod. The tray is 4" wide and has a removable rubber pad for easy cleaning. The attachment rod is 2" long.

90210 Worthy Art

I've been trying to find a way to bounce back from the scat entry. It's really hard to bounce back from people eating shit and vomiting and eating that too.

Luckily, I have some resourceful readers to help me in these dark days. Like Shaina, who is the little angel sent from heaven that found us the subject of today's post:

Microsoft Paint Porno!

This holds a special place in my heart, as I am known around these internet parts as "MS Painter Elite." No seriously, I am. I can't tell you how long it took me to jump on the Photoshop bandwagon because I loved Paint so much. I'll spare you my theories about Paint as a minimalist art movement in protest to the oversaturation of photo-rendering programs and the false ideal of perfection they present.

YEAH. SERIOUS BUSINESS.

This post is gonna be image heavy as fuck, cause 90% of these are worth writing about.


Horny Ravers go at it on the dance floor.

Clearly. I mean the disco ball and confetti ceiling are a staple at any rave. All jokes aside, I have to point out how awesome those stick-figures expressions are. Best line drawing rendering of porno face EVER.


Bizarre contortion - BARELY LEGAL!

I get the bizarre contortion part, and I am assuming they are barely legal by the lack of pubic hair on either party. Then I realized I just looked at that Paint drawing to see if it had pubic hair and I remembered how weird being me really is.


Blonde whore about to get it

She's balding and he has herpes. What a pair!


Dripping wet pussy stuffed full of cock

Not all of these are horrible. But I hate that her vagina drips lavender... Also I want to use his pubic hair as a pillow. IS THAT SO WRONG?


Happy Valentine's Day!

.... no thanks.



This guy knows how to rock!

I don't know what this has to do with rocking, but this is fucking brilliant. I could totally see this framed in the living room at Kelly Taylor from 90210's house. Like one of her drunk mom's ex boyfriends would have made that for her and she thought it was so rockin' that she framed it and hung it up. Yep.


Bitch gets fucked during her PERIOD

I know this is kinda unecessarily gross, but can someone make me a shirt of that girl doing the "OMG-blood-is-pooling-in-mid-air-next-to-my-vagina" dance?


Guy with dick ears visits doctor of perversion (Click for full size)

...say it with me now:

WTF??


Coffee monster gets taunts some chick with a COFFEE COCK!!

That coffee is totally gonna rape that chicken.



Doggy style anal butt slut

I posted that one not so much for the art and more for the title. Anal Butt Slut is officially my new favorite phrase.


Cock squirts all over her face

This is exactly how I envisioned my first blowjob when I was younger.


oh the horror

And this is pretty much how said first blowjob went. Her face is priceless.


But MSPaint porn doesn't stop there. They cover just about everything I've ever covered:

Bukkake


Toys


Orgies


Gay Porn


Scat


Alien


Dinosaur


Necrophilia


Hentai


And even things we haven't gotten to yet, like:

Beastiality


Watersports


Robots with penis teeth


um...Dark??


...Metaphysical?!?!?!...


yeah... i dont know
that rendered me punctuation and capitalization-less

Fan Art


I'm not as excited about this as I was at the beginning of the post.

Robin Hood was a Hottie

DISCLAIMER: I want to take a moment out now to say that I don't intend on making fun of Furries as a whole. As with any fetish, there are bits and pieces of it that are hilarious and that's exactly what I am going to focus on here with furries.

In fact, I would like to also provide this link to a transcipt of the old MTV show Sex2k that introduced me to Furries. It's amazingly interesting and educational:

http://pressedfur.coolfreepages.com/press/sex2k/

I won't lie, there's a whole lot of that transcript that's hilarious too. Like the whole conversation the guy has with his mom.

Marilyn>> OKAY, SO TELL ME, WHAT IS YOUR VISION FOR YOUR FUTURE? HOW DOES IT INCORPORATE YOUR FURRINESS? HOW WILL YOU DO THAT? WHAT WILL IT LOOK LIKE?

Yote>> IT'S THE SAME--

Marilyn>> OKAY, LET'S PRETEND-- LET'S PRETEND THAT THIS IS THE SAME DAY OF THE WEEK TEN YEARS FROM NOW. WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE?

Yote>> VIRTUALLY THE SAME THINGS PROBABLY. I DON'T KNOW.

Marilyn>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "VIRTUALLY THE SAME THINGS"? YOU'RE GOING TO BE SITTING IN FRONT OF THE VIDEO--

Yote>> WORK, WORK, WORK.

Marilyn>> WHAT IS YOUR WORK GOING TO BE, MICHAEL? WHAT DO YOU SEE YOURSELF AS DOING, MICHAEL? WHAT DO YOU SEE YOURSELF AS DOING?

Yote>> I DON'T KNOW.

Marilyn>> DO YOU SEE YOURSELF SERVING UP HAMBURGERS AT McDONALD'S?

Yote>> I HAVE TO GO OUT AND DO THINGS AND FIND OUT WHAT I LIKE. I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING. ALL I'VE DONE IS SCHOOL ALL MY LIFE, MOM. HOW CAN I TELL YOU WHAT I LIKE RIGHT NOW?

Marilyn>> [sighs]

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Furries are fucking intriguing. And after all the research I have done, I can honestly say that them dressing in full animal costumes for sexual pleasure is totally the least interesting thing about them.

I can admire a fetish community that is just that, a community. It makes me wonder if the Scat community has created the same sort of world for themselves, albeit a much more private one. (I feel an all-scat entry coming on. But I'm afraid doing one might catapult me into early retirement from the porn blogging business.)

Really, the world of Furries is a complicated one. I run a real risk of boring you to death with all I have learned, (especially since they have such an extensive Fur-cabulary...I did not make that up...that they have their own WikiFur), so it might be best to just get to what I found to be the truly comical side of Furry Fandom.

FURRIES HAVE THEIR OWN EBAY.

It's called FurBuy. It's pretty sparse as far as content at first glance, and extremely difficult to navigate (particularly if you have no interest in creating an account. Although I ended up making one when I saw that someone was selling a Nintendo DS for $75. But then I was looking at the DVDs for sale and the only one on there was the Robin Hood animated Disney cartoon and I went into a panic because when I was younger I thought the fox from that cartoon was hot and I was afraid that maybe I was a Furrie. Then I remembered that I don't want to have sex with anyone in a mascot uniform. I think. Eeeeek!)

But FurBuy gets really interesting once you start browsing the artwork selection. For $15 and up, you too can own any one of these VERY DISTURBING PIECES:









THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A HIPPO??



That doesn't look anything like a Hippo?!?



Nice braids...

Now, I am a little bummed because a few days ago there was a print of "Velociraptor laying eggs during intercourse" for sale, but I guess the auction ended.

Luckily, the dog penis bookmarks are still available:



1 day, 3 hours left guys!






p.s. The Pron feels justified in thinking the fox from Robin Hood was hot. His swagger was right and his game was tight!